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“You don’t need to do that. We have a great nursing staff.”
She shook her head.
Giving her a curious look, Sean pulled the other chair in the room over beside her and sat. “We can stay awhile longer, then I think you need to go home.”
“Don’t tell me what I should do,” she snapped. “I can take care of myself.”
Sean sat straight, studying her. “What’s going on, Cynthia?”
“We need to talk.” She finally looked him in the eyes but wished she hadn’t. Those beautiful blue eyes she would miss.
“That doesn’t sound good.”
Clutching her hands in her lap, she whispered, “This isn’t going to work.”
“What?” He looked at Rick as if he might have done something wrong.
“Us,” she said.
He scoffed. “It seemed to be working great this morning.”
“I can’t do it. It’s not fair to you. I should’ve been there when Rick got hurt.”
“You have to be kidding! What would have happened differently if you had been?”
Cynthia leaned toward him keeping her voice low. She wanted him to understand so badly. “I don’t know but I have a responsibility to my brothers. Right now in my life they come first. That isn’t fair to you. I care about you too much to do that to you.”
Sean quietly said an expletive. “No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t do this.” With a jerk he stood, forced her to her feet and led her out of the door. “We don’t need to disturb Rick. Come with me.” When she hesitated, he said, “A nurse will be in to check on him.”
They walked to the end of the hall to where there was an empty room. Sean closed the door firmly behind them after they entered.
He faced her. “We have something good between us. Real. And you want to throw it away because you feel guilty or irresponsible, or some other ridiculous emotion because you weren’t at the game when your brother got hurt. You’re his sister. Not his parent. And if you haven’t noticed, he’s of age. Mark is as well. They’re no longer your baby brothers. They are men! They’re old enough to take care of themselves. You need to let go. For their sakes as well as yours.”
She cringed. That might be true but it didn’t mean they didn’t need her. “Like you did with your family. They didn’t measure up to what you thought they should be so when you got old enough you dumped them completely.”
“You don’t know anything about my family and me,” he snarled softly.
“Sure I do.” Cynthia took a step toward him. “They chose everything over you. Leaving you with no security. When you could get away you made sure that was never an issue for you again. To the point you had no idea how to have fun. You made sure that you went into a field you are talented in, but also had a good income. Yet you never spend money on anything other than necessities because you live daily in fear of being like your parents. You’re afraid to really live or experience life. Other than this weekend, when was the last time you got away? Lived a little? Laughed?”
He glared at her.
“That’s right.” She made herself continue. “You haven’t because you don’t know how to let go. You don’t even see that you need that in your life. I understand your parents are a little...uh...unconventional, but I would bet they would say they are happy. Are you happy, Sean?
“I’d also bet anything you’ve smiled more and laughed more since you met my family than you have in years. We need people around us regardless of whether or not they fit within the lines we want them to. I learned the hard way that life is about people. Not about how much money we have but memories. Creating them is what matters. It’s all we have when they’re gone. Security comes from the ones we love, not from a bank account.”
Sean flinched as if she’d slapped him. He recovered and took a step toward her. “Yeah, but we also need to break away from our family so that we can live our own lives,” he bit out. “Become individuals. Your brothers, your family unit is so important to you that you don’t think beyond them. There isn’t room for anyone else. You could go back to school if you want to, or be with me, but you use your brothers to hide behind. What is it you’re afraid of? That someone will let you down again? Don’t put that on me.” He pointed to the floor with his index finger. “I’m here. I was there last night. I’ll be there tomorrow if you let me.
“You might be right about me needing too much financial security. But I’ve never had someone I wanted to spend money on before. Until now. My family is a complicated issue. Not one I think you can understand because your parents weren’t like mine. Yet with all our differences I find that you’re the only woman for me.” He glared at her. “I love you.”
Cynthia looked at him in disbelief. Her chest tightened. He loved her. She wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him but she couldn’t. Though they stood so close they were so far apart when it came to how they lived their lives, what they believed.
“Yeah, you heard that right. I love you. But I won’t accept you not being all that you can and want to be. It’s not healthy not to move on. You have done the job your parents wanted you to. Your brothers are great. Even Mark will find his way. But he must do it for himself, just like you must. Your welfare will always be my first consideration. I’d love to see you become that nurse you dream of being. With your large capacity for caring you would be nothing but great at it. I bet your mom and dad didn’t want you to stop living just because they did.”
Cynthia sucked in a breath. That statement hurt.
He paused for a second then said, “Don’t be afraid to take the opportunity to live again. You might find out I’m more fun than you think I am.”
“I just can’t right now,” she said softly. “I have responsib—”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You think about it, Cyn. You know where I am if you ever move beyond the past and want to create a future.”
CHAPTER TEN
DAYS LATER SEAN still couldn’t accept the way Cynthia had reacted when Rick was injured. She’d implied he’d somehow been responsible for it. She couldn’t see she’d moved into a holding pattern when her parents had died and couldn’t or wouldn’t find her way out of it. He cared for her too much not to help her face reality.
The day after their fight he’d made rounds and released Rick to go home. She’d not been in her brother’s room when he’d come in to see him. Sean suspected that Cynthia had asked the nurse what time he usually made rounds and made sure she was gone for breakfast at that time. She was dodging him.
A few days later he returned to the cabin to get the things they had left behind. It was a painful trip. Everywhere he looked there was Cynthia laughing or smiling at him. They had been cheated. He wanted that time back.
He’d known unhappiness but losing Cynthia was misery. Nothing in his life seemed right. Everything was the same. He was seeing patients, doing surgery, and going home to an empty house, yet his whole world was out of line. The nights were the worst. He’d taken to sleeping in his chair because he couldn’t stand being in his bed without her. Even taking a shower brought back bittersweet memories.
Sean had worked to order his adult life, to live with stability and security. Now a small, outspoken, passionate, big-hearted woman had shaken the foundation. One he desperately wanted back in his life. But that was her choice. So far he’d seen no indication she was going to change her mind.
Cynthia was still doing his transcription. When he requested a report, there were her initials on the bottom next to his. As the old saying went: So close yet so far away. Just as they had been standing in that hospital room when they’d argued. He looked daily, despite his best efforts not to, for an email from her. Each day he
was disappointed.
His disposition had become so poor that his office manager suggested that candy and flowers almost always covered any sins.
Sean wasn’t sure that her pun had been intentional but it had hit home. But what could he do? What choices did he have? He’d left the door open. Cynthia hadn’t come through it.
When Rick came for his follow-up visit at Sean’s office he’d hoped Cynthia would be with him, only to be relieved when she wasn’t. It would have killed him to watch her walk away again. Rick didn’t ask him any questions about his and Cynthia’s breakup, but when he left he said, “I hope I see you around.”
Sean responded, “I’d like that too.”
He thought Cynthia gave her family priority too often but she had said things about his relationship with his family that had him thinking. Being around her and her brothers, he’d remembered things about his family life he’d chosen not to examine in a long time. His parents had loved him the best way they knew how. But even with their haphazard lifestyle there had been laughter around the dinner table. They’d had game nights. His efforts at school had been praised and posted on the bulletin board in the kitchen. Life hadn’t been all bad. There had been fun then.
Could he have been so narrow-minded he’d been unfair to his parents? Had he expected perfection? Hadn’t they been a significant part of making him who he was today? Would he be as driven as a doctor or have worked so hard on the new procedure if it wasn’t for his upbringing? Maybe it was time to reach out to his parents and say thank you.
At home that evening Sean picked up his phone and looked at the number for the second time. What if they didn’t have time for him? Or wanted him to join in another one of their businesses? What if they didn’t care if they saw him? He punched the number.
It rang three times before the voice of his mother said, “Hello.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Sean, is that you? Oh, honey, how’re you? It’s been so long. We’ve missed you so much.”
The sick feeling in Sean’s middle turned to one of joy. After the way he’d treated them in the last few years he wouldn’t have been surprised if she had hung up on him.
