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It would be tough but she would do what was necessary to make them all happy. Her brothers seemed to have their lives together. It was time she did the same with her own. “I love you guys.” She opened her arms wide. “Group hug.”
* * *
A week later Cynthia slipped the last tape on her list into the machine. Her middle tightened at knowing what she would hear next. There was no way she could heal if she continued to listen to Sean’s deep voice regularly so she’d given her notice to his office manager. She could use the money, especially after she’d decided to return to school, but working for Sean wasn’t helping her to move on.
But was she doing that? Their issues had stemmed from her inability to let go. Now she was trying to make that change. More than once Mark and Rick had given her a look when she’d said something and she’d been able to catch herself a few times before she did.
She’d already made a step in that direction by enrolling in school. As happy as that would make her, something would always be missing. Sean. She wanted him back in her life in a bigger way than just listening to his voice. All of him was what she needed, wanted.
He’d told her the door was open when or if she got ready to talk. She knew full well how to get in touch with him. But he’d not tried to approach her in all these weeks. He’d said he loved her. Had she hurt him so badly that he wanted nothing to do with her? He’d accepted her decision without even trying to contact her once. Maybe he had moved on to another woman. The thought made her sick. She’d found happiness but her blinding devotion to her brothers had lost her the man she loved.
If she did contact Sean could he forgive her for being such an idiot?
She could continue living as she had for the last couple of months, depressed and lonely, or she could try to do something about it. How could she lose? She would finish his dictation and then compose an email. Try to see if that door was still open.
Pushing the button, she opened Sean’s dictation. “Hey, Cyn. I hope you’re well. I wanted to let you know I received the grant.”
Her chest tightened. Moisture filled her eyes. It was the first time Sean had said anything personal during his dictation. It was so little yet so much. Cynthia pushed another button and ran the report back to listen again. Was there a hopeful note in his voice? Had this been his way of reminding her he still cared? She listened once again. Whatever the reason, she was seizing the opportunity and going for it. She was moving forward, grasping what she wanted.
The transcription could wait. She had an email to write.
Hi Sean
I’m well. I’m glad to hear about the grant.
I owe you an apology. Could we talk sometime?
Cyn
The one thing they’d always shared was honesty. If he’d changed his mind about her or found someone else then so be it, but at least she had made a step forward. There would be no regrets. This wasn’t a game. Her heart was at stake.
Before she could change her mind, with a shaking hand she pushed send.
* * *
Sean turned on his computer for the first time after his last patient left. As he glanced at it one email stood out. For a second he just stared at it. He’d taken a chance, couldn’t help himself when he’d spoken to Cynthia directly in his dictation. Somehow he wanted her to know he was still there, caring about her. He wasn’t sure how she would react.
What if she still didn’t want to have anything to do with him? They’d said some harsh words to each other that day in the hospital. She might still be mad and tell him to leave her alone. He’d read the note from his office manager that Cynthia was no longer going to work for him. Was she cutting all ties?
There was no way for him to know until he opened her email. With fear gnawing at him like a wild animal, he clicked on her note. He quickly read it. Then read it again. There was nothing there to think what she might say would be any more than a business discussion between employee and employer. Yet that was at least something compared to no contact over the last few months.
Sean checked the time. It was late to ask if he could meet her but he couldn’t wait. Excitement pushed the fear away. At least she was willing to see him. He wouldn’t let this chance pass him by.
It’s great to hear from you, Cyn.
I know it’s late, but would you like to meet me somewhere? A restaurant, maybe?
Sean
Seconds later an email dropped into his box.
I would, but I don’t have a car tonight. I hate to inconvenience you, but could you come to my house?
He quickly replied.
I’ll be there in an hour.
There was just enough time to stop by his place and one more. Finally he had hopes his life would be back to normal. That was, with Cynthia in it.
* * *
Cynthia nervously paced the porch watching for Sean’s car to come up the street. She had no idea what would happen between them. What she wished for was a whole other thing.
Her eyes widened when a late-model luxury car pulled into the drive. Who else was coming to her house? She was shocked to see Sean step out of it. Her heart was in her throat. Would he forgive her?
He looked at her expectantly, as if he was unsure of his reception. “Hi.”
She did love his voice. In fact, she loved all of him. No one could look more wonderful. It was all she could do not to run to him. If she did would his arms open wide? She settled for a simple, “Hey.”
Reaching back into the car, he brought out a spray of spring flowers and a box.
Who was this person in front of her?
Sean came up the walk. When he reached her he just stood there looking at her. She did the same. He pulled at everything in her. She wanted to touch him so badly she pushed her hands into the pockets of her knit dress to stop herself. “I, uh, like your new car.” That seemed like a safe place to start.
“Thanks. I just got it the other day. I decided after I visited my parents that I needed to make some changes. Loosen up a little bit.”
“You did?” She was so glad to hear he’d been to see them.
“I did.”
“So how’re your parents?” More than that, she wanted to know how he was doing after seeing them.
He shrugged. “They’re the same. But, they’re my parents. I don’t have to like how they run their lives but I can still love them.”
She nodded. “That’s true. Come on in, or we could sit ou
t here.” She pointed toward the porch swing.
“I’m good out here if you don’t think you’ll be too cool?” He seemed hesitant to enter the house. What could he be afraid of? She was the one who’d messed up.
“I’m okay.” Her body was so heated by having him close she felt she’d never get cold again. She took a seat on the swing. He didn’t join her.
“These are for you.” He handed her the flowers and the box of candy. “They’re a thank-you for helping with the grant. You were the first person I wanted to tell.”
She accepted the gifts. “Thank you. The flowers are beautiful and I love chocolate.”
He shifted from one foot to the other. Was Sean nervous? “My office manager says they cover most ills.”
Had he talked to his office manager about her? He was such a private person she couldn’t imagine what that conversation had been like. “They’re a good starter. I’m so glad you got the grant. You deserved it.”
“I was happy.”
“You should be.” They were talking but not really saying anything. Taking a deep breath, she said, “I appreciate you coming over. I owe you an apology for the way I acted when Rick was hurt. You were wonderful and I treated you horribly. More importantly you were right about me and how I was treating my brothers. They’re men and I have to let go. I’ve started to do so.
“In fact, I’ve signed up for school. I’ll have to repeat a semester but if I pass my test I should enter nursing school in the fall.”
“Now I’m the one proud of you.” Sean looked genuinely pleased.
She had no doubt from his tone that he was. He had always encouraged and supported her. “I’m sorry I was so hard on you.”
Sean sat down beside her, turned to her. “I wasn’t much better. I was so caught up in trying to not be like my parents I had gone completely in the opposite direction. They made me who I am. For that I should be grateful. I’m trying to lighten up some.”
Cynthia looked at the gifts in her hands. He had certainly let go to buy something so frivolous. “So that’s where these—” she indicated the flowers and candy “—and the car come in?”
