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She slid the palm of her hand over his middle and he captured it.
“You did just a few minutes ago,” she murmured. “You were tender and sweet. Cared about me.”
His chest swelled with pride. He was gratified she felt that way. “I’m glad I could make you happy but you still haven’t explained to me what was wrong.”
She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You didn’t do anything, nor did anyone else for that matter. It was just the
circumstances that got to me.”
He wished she’d been looking at him but he wasn’t going to insist for fear she’d stop talking. The need to know her problem had eaten at him all evening. He had his secrets but he didn’t like the idea that Helena was keeping any from him. Waiting, he willed her to continue.
Finally she said softly, “The girl today could have been me.”
What? Of all the things she could have said that wasn’t one he would have imagined. He worked to maintain his relaxed position, not to overreact. “Why do you say that?”
“Because I was a pregnant teen. If it hadn’t been for the love of my parents it could have been me on the street, alone.”
“You have a child?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about that possibility. Children had never entered his life plans because he’d never intended to have the kind of committed relationship necessary for them. For him both parents should be involved in a child’s life. He made a point of not staying with a woman that long. But he was becoming more attached to Helena. Had wondered about prolonging their relationship. Her having a child had his warning bells going off. Were her parents raising it? Had she given it up for adoption?
She sniffed. “I lost her at seven months.”
No wonder she had been so upset about the case. It had to have been like it was happening all over again for her. Some cases hit too close to home. In the emergency department the staff had no control over what the next case might be. He hugged her gently and kissed her temple. “I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t know until she was gone how much I cared.” She was silent for so long he wondered if she might be sleeping then she said, “I loved my boyfriend so much. Worshipped him. I truly believed we would be together forever. I always wanted to be a doctor. He planned to be a lawyer. We had it all worked out. Just like two kids can. Then I fell pregnant. That hadn’t been part of the plan. My parents were devastated. I can still see the disappointment on their faces. Yet they loved me and stood by me.
“I can’t say the same for my boyfriend. It didn’t take long for him to decide that he hadn’t bargained on the responsibility of a baby. The love he’d sworn he had for me was soon gone. When I lost the baby he was nowhere to be found. I thought I’d be glad the baby was gone. That my life would be easier.” She paused then said, “Instead, I was devastated.”
Elijah’s jaw clenched in his effort to keep from saying aloud what he thought about the boy who had left her to face everything alone. He wouldn’t have done that. But wasn’t he doing with Helena the same thing her boyfriend had done, minus the baby? Enjoying her, then being done with her when the fun was over? A dirty feeling washed over him.
What if Helena was pregnant? To his surprise, the thought left him with a warm feeling quickly followed by terror. She would be a great mother, but could he say the same about his parenting skills? He would take responsibility for his child. But wasn’t that what his father had done? For the first time Elijah saw that situation in a different light. At least his father had seen to his child, not run and hidden from what he had done. He had stuck by Miranda.
Had Miranda’s mother had the same fears and hurts when she’d discovered she was pregnant? Been worried his father would abandon her? Elijah had never considered Miranda’s mother’s side of the story.
Both her experience and Helena’s must have been terrifying. Helena was tender hearted and to have not only been left by someone who’d vowed to loved her but to lose the baby she’d cared for must have been devastating. The fact she had become such a strong person afterwards said a great deal about her character. Miranda’s mother must have been equally as strong.
“I wouldn’t have made it without my family,” she whispered. “My parents helped me out of a dark place. With their encouragement I enrolled in college. That gave me direction. Then all my focus went into medical school. That created the ER doctor who almost fell apart in the middle of an emergency.”
She sounded so pitiful, disgusted with herself. He wanted to make it better but knew he couldn’t. The best he could offer was encouragement. “But you did your job anyway. You saved that girl’s life.”
Shifting, she looked up at him and breathed, “The baby?”
“It’ll be touch and go for a long time but with any luck she will make it.”
Helena’s smile was weak, but at least it was a smile. “A girl.” There was a dreamy sound to the words.
When Helena met the right man, she would be an amazingly loving mother. His mouth soured. The image of another man holding and loving her left him cold. But it shouldn’t have bothered him at all. Theirs was a week-long relationship, nothing more.
She kissed his chest and gave his middle a squeeze. “Thank you for saving her.”
Silently he held her until she was sleeping peacefully. He couldn’t help but admire her ability to remain open to the world and its possibilities after her terrible introduction to adulthood. Had he done that? Why would he even wonder that? He had no doubt the answer was no. He’d chosen to close himself off. Even after all these years since his father’s betrayal he still carried the burden of having hurt those he loved. But had he also misjudged his father? Maybe everything wasn’t as black and white as he had always believed it was.
One thing for sure, Helena had courage. Far more than he did. She’d faced her past and had moved on with hope for the future. Had he? Wasn’t he still living in the past? Brooding over it? Isolating himself? Letting it control his present and future?
He’d mocked her at the wedding but in truth he was the one who should have been made fun of. Helena was willing to take a chance on love after the devastation she’d experienced, while he had closed off his heart and pushed away anyone who might love him. How sad had he become, to the point he’d pulled a good woman into a cheap fling for his own selfish reasons.
He looked at Helena. She deserved better than him but he was enjoying their fling far more than he had anticipated. To his surprise he liked being the person she confided in. He’d allowed their relationship to go to a new level. Even with it being out of his comfort zone, he wasn’t ready for it to end. He would have to give her up soon but would another day hurt?
CHAPTER EIGHT
HELENA WOKE WRAPPED in Elijah’s arms. Warm and content, she had a beautiful view through Elijah’s large windows of a steady snowfall. This was where she belonged. It was the perfect way to start the day.
She glanced at his bedside clock. It was almost noon. They had slept nearly twelve hours. It had been a wildly unusual week and spilling her story had added to the emotional overload. She didn’t make a habit of sharing her past. In a weak moment she’d told Grace some of what had happened to her but not all of it. Not once had she even hinted at it to a man she was dating. So why had she told Elijah? By the definition of dating they weren’t. Their time together was about touching, kisses and satisfaction.
But was that true? She certainly couldn’t have asked for a more understanding, caring person than Elijah had been last night. The concern in his eyes had squeezed at her heart. He’d loved her so tenderly, listened so attentively and had seemed to genuinely care about her.
They did have a real relationship. One she would grieve the loss of when it was over. The kind Elijah wanted nothing to do with. He’d made it clear more than once their affair shouldn’t be taken seriously. He’d even set a time limit.
She had made a mistake. A life-altering one. She had agreed to the boundaries. What she hadn’t planned on was falling in love with Elijah. And she was. With every fiber in her being she was in love. What would she do now?
She looked at Elijah. Dark, full brows created a line only broken by his long, straight nose. His eyelashes lay like fans on his cheeks. His dusky beard shadow had thickened during the night, softening the sharp ridges of his face. His hair was tousled like a little boy’s, one who refused to let any
one brush it.
He was a striking man but that wasn’t what she loved most about him. She cherished what was inside him. The part he didn’t often allow to show, made a point of hiding. Elijah lived by a code not to let people know he cared. Deeply. Yet last night he’d slipped up. His armor had cracked and he’d let her in.
Would he ever admit that? She was sure he wouldn’t. That would mess up his self-imposed rules of not getting involved or showing emotion. Could she help him dismantle the shell so they might find happiness together? She had today and two more before their time was up. If she made the most of them, slowly chiseled away at that crack, showed him what they could be like together, maybe she could squeeze through to his heart.
“Hey.”
Helena met his gaze. “Mornin’.”
“I like the sound of ‘morning’ when you drop the ‘g.’” His voice was husky, sexy.
“And I like waking up with you...on a snowy morning.” She glanced at the window. The word really should have been love instead of like. “It’s really closer to afternoon.”
He shifted to look at the clock and settled again. “That’s a fact. It’s a good thing we have the day off. Since we do, I think I’d like to stay here until the afternoon is official.” One of his fingers circled her nipple before he gently tugged it.
It immediately rose to attention. Her breasts grew heavy and blood rushed to her center. Elijah played her body like a musical instrument. She rolled into him, kissing him. “I have no problem with that.”
An hour later, Helena was standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator door open. “You really don’t have anything in here to eat.” All she could see was a carton of milk, three slices of cheese and a few condiments. “This might be the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Elijah chuckled as he pulled a sweatshirt over his head. It would have suited her just fine for him to go shirtless. He came to stand across the counter from her. “I told you.”
