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He looked hurt and concerned but she couldn’t help that. Her reserve of fortitude was draining away. She had to go, even though her body was begging her to stay. Thankfully, she didn’t have to see him again.
* * *
By midnight, the waiting room was almost empty. This was her chance to make good on her next step to break from her past. She told the unit secretary, “I’m going to take a break while I can. Page me if you need me.”
“Sure,” the woman said, and went back to her work.
With feet heavier than she’d like, Helena stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for the floor the nursery was on. When the doors slid open again she stood there a moment before walking out. She had to keep reminding herself that she could do this. The floor had its own particular smell. A mixture of baby powder and soap. The nursery was just ahead. The lights were turned down because it was so late at night.
Helena found the entrance and tapped softly.
A nurse came to the door and gave her a questioning look.
“I’m Dr. Tate from ER. I just wanted to check on the baby that was born down there the other day. See how she’s doing?”
The young nurse smiled. “I heard you had a really hard time down there.”
“It was pretty touch and go.” Helena didn’t want to relive it.
“The baby’s doing well. The mom has named her Olivia. They both have a long way to go before they make it out of here, I’m afraid. Come on through and you can see her.” The nurse didn’t wait for an answer before she started up a small hall.
Helena followed. They entered an open room with a few babies in clear incubator beds.
“Olivia is over here.” She indicated a tiny baby in the corner.
With slow steps Helena approached the bed. The baby was small but she didn’t seem to have any labored breathing.
“Her mother is still so sick that she can’t take care of her. That’s why Olivia is here with me instead of in the room with her. I have to feed her in a few minutes,” the nurse chattered on.
“May I feed her?” Helena wasn’t sure what had made her ask that.
The nurse looked unsure than said, “I guess that would be all right.”
A few minutes later Helena was sitting in a rocker with Olivia in one arm and a bottle in her other hand. Helena couldn’t deny the tightness in her middle or the shaking of her hand. Seconds later the baby was taking the tiny bottle. She wasn’t a great feeder but Helena managed to get Olivia to take most of her bottle.
This little girl and her mother would need help when they got out of the hospital. Helena vowed then that she would be there to help them, just as her parents had been there for her, or Elijah had been there when she’d needed a shoulder to cry on. Helena would help Marcy get on her feet, give little Olivia a chance at a good life.
When she was finished the nurse took Olivia from her. “You’re good at this. We have a hard time getting her to eat. We can always use people to help feed and rock the babies. You’d be welcome.”
“I just might do that. Thanks for letting me stop in.”
The nurse smiled and moved off to take care of another child. Helena left the nursery with lighter footsteps. She had done it. Made the first step. Somehow she could feel the old wounds closing. She was ready to go forward. The suitcase of memories she was leaving behind.
* * *
Elijah shook his jacket, removing the snow after entering the hospital. The faint sound of a Christmas carol could be heard on the overhead system. He forgotten it was just two days before Christmas. He’d never cared for the holiday to begin with, but he’d truly turned into Scrooge now. It had been another night of no sleep and no Helena. Neither made him happy. If he could just get through today he had the next day off. Maybe with twenty-four hours to wallow in his misery he could recover and push on.
Tossing his jacket in his locker, he was halfway down the hall to the department when he saw Charles.
“I see you managed to keep my department in one piece while I was gone.”
That was more than Elijah could say for his life. “Yeah, we had a good week. There were a couple of hair-raising cases but otherwise the regular stuff.” Elijah brought his brother into a quick hug.
Charles gave him an odd look. Elijah wasn’t surprised. Hugging wasn’t something the two of them were known for doing.
With narrowed eyes Charles studied him. “You look awful.”
“Thanks. It’s good to see you too.”
“For you to give such a benign report on the week makes me wonder if something else isn’t going on.” He turned to walk with Elijah.
“Nothing you need to worry about. We’ll talk later. I’m late for report.” Elijah needed to get away. Charles saw too much. “How was the honeymoon?”
Charles’s smile reached his eyes. “Wonderful.”
Everything about Charles’s appearance said he was happy. The exact opposite of Elijah.
“I’m glad. For you and Grace.”
At that moment, he noticed Helena coming up the hall toward them. She faltered a second before her back straightened and she continued their way. Dark circles were under her eyes. Everything about her said she was exhausted. Elijah wanted to take her home, draw her a bath and ease her into it then join her. But he’d pushed that opportunity away.
“Hey, Helena, you look almost as worn out as my brother here.” Charles patted Elijah on the back. “I’m starting to feel a little guilty about going on a honeymoon.” He chuckled. “No, I’m not.”
“I hope you and Grace had a good time.” She glanced at Elijah for a second then turned her attention back to Charles.
“We did. We liked the resort so much that we’re going to take the boys with us in the spring.”
“That’s great. Well, I’m headed off to bed. Tell Grace I’ll give her a call soon.” Helena moved past them toward the outside door.
Elijah watched her go. Everything in him wanted to reach out to her. He wished he was going to share that bed with her, talk to her about her day, ask her what she wanted for Christmas.
“Okay. My office now,” Charles said in his I’m older than you voice.
“I need to get report.” Elijah wasn’t interested in an interrogation.
“That can wait. I think we need to talk.”
Elijah might as well give up the fight. Charles wouldn’t leave him alone until he’d had his way.
“All right, but let’s make it short and sweet.” Elijah stepped toward the office door.
“That depends on you.”
Minutes later, Charles sat in his chair while Elijah took the chair Helena had used.
Charles gave him a direct look, like that of a father about to scold his son. “Don’t think that Grace and I didn’t notice that kiss between you and Helena at the wedding. We had a few discussions about it while we were away.”
“That must have been some honeymoon if you spent it talking about me,” Elijah said in a snide tone.
A devilish smile came to Charles’s face. “It was some honeymoon.”
“You really are happy, aren’t you?”
Charles nodded. “I never thought I’d feel this way again. Grace is the other half of me. The good one.”
Elijah knew what he meant. Helena made him feel whole. She had changed him in so many ways. Had made him look at life differently. Added laughter and joy to it.
“Enough about me,” Charles said. “We came in here to talk about you and Helena. Why you both look like you had lost your best friend.”
Because Elijah had. “There’s nothing to tell.”
Charles said an expletive under his breath. “Elijah, I have never understood what eats you about having a relationship.”
Elijah made a negative sound. “You mean with the sh
ining example our parents have provided.”
“I know their marriage is unconventional but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a solid one. I know that Dad’s affair seemed to hit you harder than the rest of us. You didn’t even seem surprised.”
That was an understatement if Elijah had ever heard one. He didn’t look at Charles as he said, “I wasn’t. I’d known for years.”
Charles looked more surprised than shocked. More amazing was that he didn’t look angry. Elijah told him the entire sordid story.
“No wonder you avoid family functions. I’m sorry you had to carry that all by yourself.” There was sympathy in Charles’s eyes. “You’re not to blame. Dad is.” The last few words were said in a hard tone.
“That’s what Helena said.”
“You told her.” It wasn’t a question but a statement. Charles nodded thoughtfully. “So it’s like that.”
Elijah stood. “What does that mean?”
“That you have only told two people your big secret and one of those is Helena.” Charles grinned. “You’ve had a busy week, haven’t you?”
