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‘I’m in a corridor. It is dimly lit. And it is cold. It is very cold here. I don’t want to go forward.’
I stared at her, my own transgression forgotten.
‘Why?’
‘Something terrible is going to happen. I’m scared,’ she whimpered. Her breathing had become irregular. Her lips were moving with anxious restlessness but no sounds emitted from them.
‘Olivia, listen to me. There is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing can harm you. Pay attention only to my voice. Just take one more little step forward.’
Deep furrows appeared in her forehead and her body started shaking. ‘Please don’t make me go,’ she begged.
To my horror, tears slipped out of her eyes and rolled down her temples. I knew instantly that if I went any further she was in danger of being ripped out of her hypnosis.
‘It’s OK, Olivia,’ I soothed. My voice was calm and measured. ‘You don’t have to go forward. You can leave without feeling frightened or worried. You can leave feeling calm and in control.’ I paused to let the suggestion sink in and for calmness to descend upon her. ‘You are now going to take yourself away from that corridor and go back in time. Go back to one hour before. Can you do that?’
She nodded slowly.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m going to bed. Ivana is in the room with me. She is putting me to bed. “Sleep well, beautiful child,” she says while stroking my cheek and hair. She smells nice. I like her. She takes good care of Mummy. “Nite, nite, Ivana,” I say and she switches off the light and goes out of the room. I sleep.’
‘Go back another hour. What are you doing now?’
‘I am in my mother’s room. I am tucked up in bed beside her and she is reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to me. Mummy smells of medicine and she has no more hair so she has to wear the scarf that Daddy bought for her in Paris. The one with all the horses. She is so thin I can feel her bones poking into me. And there are blue shadows beneath her eyes. She is pretending to be happy. For me. By her bedside is a tray of food. It is half-eaten. My father comes into the room. He looks ill at ease. He stands by the doorway. Something about his manner makes my mother hold me tighter. Her protruding bones bite into my flesh.
‘“How are you today, old fruit?” he asks awkwardly from the door. “Quite good,” my mother replies crisply. “That’s marvelous,” Daddy says. There is relief in his voice, but he also looks uncomfortable, as if he doesn’t want to be there. “Oh well. I suppose I’ll pop in later to say goodnight.” Mummy smiles sadly. “Of course.”
‘My father retreats and I turn toward my mother. “Mummy, are you dying soon?” My mother turns toward me, and smiles brightly. “Not tonight,” she says and stubs her thin finger onto my nose. “But you can ask me again tomorrow.”
‘“Should I ask you every day?” She says, “That’s a good idea.” And then Ivana comes into the room. It is my bedtime. “Goodnight, Mummy.”
‘“See you in the morning, darling,” she says kissing the top of my head. “I’ll put her to bed,” Ivana says. “Yes, do that,” Mummy says, but her voice is flat and unemotional. At the door I turn back and my mother is staring at me. There is a worried look on her face. When our eyes meet she smiles brightly. “Sweet dreams,” she says.’
I looked at my watch. Her time was almost up. I instructed her to forget the first memory, and then brought her out. She opened her beautiful eyes and trained them on me.
‘Thank you for helping me recover that memory. It was very precious.’ She touched her temples. ‘Did I cry?’
‘Yes,’ I said standing up.
‘I don’t remember crying.’ Her eyes were silver.
‘Just stray emotions,’ I said and moved before the moment could stretch, but damn, I liked her. I liked her way too much.
8
Beryl
To anyone who did not know Dr. Kane, he might appear aloof and uninterested in Lady O. It might even seem as if he was bored by her and couldn’t wait for her to leave, but I knew better. In all the time I’ve known Dr. Kane, and I’ve known him for nearly eighteen months now, I had never once seen him look at a woman the way he looked at Lady O. He looked at her with the kind of longing that lusting after something forbidden brings. For her part, she blushed every time he even looked in her direction. But more than a month later and they were still no closer.
Enter Beryl the matchmaker.
I reached into the side-drawer of m
y desk and pulled out my make-up bag. Rummaging through the contents I removed my compact and opened it. I had not slept well last night and I looked pale, lackluster and in need of a dash of color. I dug around again in my bag, unscrewed a lipstick, and applied a fresh layer of Berry Kiss.
‘That’s better,’ I told myself and chucked everything back into the bag. I zipped it up, shoved it back into the drawer and closed it with a firm push. Then I clasped my hands on the surface of my desk and glanced again at the clock. The session should be over any time now.
I looked over to the tray already loaded with the tea service and a plate of prettily arranged slices of lemon cake. Dr. Kane, I knew was partial to cake. My eyes strayed to the red light on my console that indicated the soundproof room was in use. As I watched it went off. Lady O’s session was over and they were back in his office.
