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‘She never wanted you. In fact, she hated your touch,’ she called out.
I stopped. Her words chilled my soul. I never knew I could feel so empty and so lost. Now I knew the truth. She never wanted me. My knees felt stiff as if they were made of iron or some inflexible material. But turn I must. I had been so stupid. So blind. I should have known. My heart filled with regret. I had put the chicken in the care of the fox. I had defeated myself.
When I turned around to look at her my face was cold and utterly indifferent. I looked into her pretty eyes. I had never really looked before. I caught the glimmer of poison, but at the expression on my face, a new fear crept into her face.
‘You have mistaken my generosity for weakness.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she cried quickly. ‘I didn’t mean to say that. I love you.’ Her voice was passionate.
‘Don’t,’ I said, my voice icy. ‘You are relieved of all your duties as of now. I want you out in the morning. You will be paid two months’ salary in lieu of notice.’
‘You can’t do that. What about Meredith and Tia?’
‘Do not even go near them,’ I grated. Even hearing their names on her lips infuriated me.
I left her. My jaw was tight, my heart was broken. Truly broken. Filled with the dull sensation that I didn’t want to go on, but of course, I would.
I had lost her, and it was my own damn fault.
Chapter 26
Lena
When I woke in the morning I didn’t feel refreshed or energized. My eyes were red and swollen and I looked pale. I showered quickly, dressed in the white top and black skirt, put my hair into one neat plait down my back, and slipped into the only pair of shoes I now owned, which were thankfully my sensible black shoes, and I was ready. I went into the kitchen and Margaret was rooting about in the fridge.
‘Sit down and I’ll make you breakfast,’ she said.
‘You don’t have to make me breakfast, Margaret. You have already been too kind. When I get my first wages I am going to pay you back.’
She brought her head out of the fridge. ‘Oh, Lena. You don’t know what a pleasure it is for me to have you stay in my home. I am an old woman now. My children hardly come around and you are like a breath of fresh air in this tired old flat. Please, never talk about paying me back.’
I looked at her uncertainly.
She went to a drawer, opened it, and took two spoons out. She opened the freezer and put the spoons on its icy floor, then she turned back to me.
‘What are the spoons for?’ I asked.
‘They are for your eyes. You can’t go to work on your first day and look like you have been crying your eyes out. Come and sit down,’ she said.
I slumped into a chair. In truth I felt miserable. Disaster had been averted but my heart was breaking. Guy had abandoned me just like that. With just my passport. Not even a penny. He didn’t care at all. If Margaret had not helped me, God knows where I would have spent the night, or even what would have happened to me. I fought back the tears at his callousness.
‘There, there,’ Margaret said and, coming to me, patted my hand.
‘Oh! Margaret,’ I sobbed. What could I tell her? That I had fallen madly in love with a man who cared so little that he had thrown me in a train heading for London without so much as a dime?
‘Listen,’ Margaret said firmly. ‘You are alive and you are so incredibly young. No matter what has happened or gone on before this, you can start fresh. No one knows your past, or what you have done. Let this be a new beginning for you.’ She handed me a paper napkin.
‘Thank you,’ I sniffed.
‘Dry your tears, Lena. You have so much.’
It was not true that I had so much, but I had Nikolai. I made a massive effort to stop sobbing then. ‘Will you post an important letter for me, Margaret?’ I asked.
She smiled. ‘Of course I will.’
‘Thank you so much.’
She opened the freezer, took out the spoons and came toward me. ‘Rest the backs on your eyelids while I prepare breakfast. It will bring the swelling and redness down.’
I sat with the cold metal on my eyelids while she prepared eggs, warmed up half a can of baked beans and made two slices of toast. After we had eaten she insisted on coming with me to the restaurant.
‘London is a maze. You’ll get lost on your own,’ she said.
And to be perfectly honest I was truly glad she came because she showed me the way the Underground worked and bought me a weekly ticket.
I turned to her. ‘In all my life I don’t think I have ever met anyone as kind and as generous as you.’
A shadow passed over her face, but all she said was, ‘Nothing gives me more pleasure than helping you, child.’
We parted at the entrance to the restaurant. ‘Do you want me to come pick you up at the end of your shift?’
I shook my head. ‘I think I know how to find my way home.’
‘All right, dear. I’ll see you at home. Good luck now.’
I pushed open the restaurant door feeling nervous. What if I dropped food on a customer or made a mistake with a bill? Roberto was not around, but a young woman was behind the bar. She smiled widely at me.
‘I’m Rosella. You must be Lena,’ she said. ‘Roberto described you well.’
‘Oh, what did he say?’
‘He said you have the face of an angel.’
I blushed and Rosella laughed. ‘You’ve never worked in a restaurant before, right?’
I nodded.
‘No problem. It’s very easy. Let me introduce you to everybody first. Remember, they are all Italian and they will all try to sleep with you. Just ignore them, unless you want to, that is. But whatever you do, don’t ever sleep with the chef. He is totally crazy.’
She took me around the back and introduced me to everyone. As she had predicted they all looked at me with hot, interested eyes. Thirty minutes later the waiters arrived. Rosella made it easy by giving me small jobs—filling the pepper and salt pots, laying the tables, folding napkins. By the time the first customer arrived I felt quite comfortable standing in my position behind the bar polishing glasses and watching her greet and seat them and hand them their menus.
Lunchtime passed as a busy blur. I was kept on my feet and when the last customer left, Marco, one of the waiters, told me I had done well.
‘Really?’ I asked, pleased.
‘He’s just trying to get into your pants, but you did do well,’ Rosella told me.
‘Fuck off,’ Marco said to her.
She ignored him. ‘See you this evening at five,’ she told me, shrugging into her coat.
‘What time do we finish at night?’
‘Depends on the last customer.’
‘But I have to leave before the last train,’ I said.
‘Don’t worry,’ Marco offered. ‘I’ll take you home.’
Rosella looked at him, and then at me, and shrugged. ‘There’s your lift.’
‘Thank you, Marco,’ I said quietly.
But when I told Margaret she was not happy. ‘You don’t know him from Adam. No, no, that’s a bad idea. I’ll ask Brian to pick you up.’
And though I protested she wouldn’t hear different. Brian didn’t seem to mind either.
*****
I’d been working at Basilico for two days when a man came into the restaurant. It was lunchtime and he was alone. His hair had been oiled and sculpted into perfect finger waves. He wore a cream shirt, an olive business jacket, and a pair of jeans. After his food had been cleared away he called me to his table.
‘What’s your name?’ he drawled.
‘Lena.’
‘Would you like to become a model, Lena?’
‘What? Like in a magazine?’
‘Yeah, like in a magazine.’
For a moment I was dumbfounded and then I found my voice. ‘Yes.’
‘Good. In that case there is a casting session tomorrow at three p.m. Here.’ He took a card out of his jacket
and held it out to me. I took the card and looked at it.
