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And do everything that made her so sleepy.
I don’t know how to make any of this last, but I know I love her.
I cuddle up to her for a while, feeling almost tired enough to sleep—except I can’t, because this vessel is the property of one Lamberto Arnoldi. What I know from Tony is that it’s here until the morning and the passcode is Lambo’s daughter’s birthday, backwards. It was a risk to bring Elise here, but I think only for me. And it was worth it.
I let her sleep while I clean myself up. Then she starts to wake up, and I lie back down beside her, facing her, so I’m the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes.
“I’m not a virgin,” she says.
I feign surprise. “Oh really?”
Her lips curl into a big grin. “I always hated that word: virgin. Like you’re a thing. Somebody’s ward or something, that they need to protect.”
She is someone’s ward—she’s mine—and I’ll always protect her.
I run my hand over her hair and then lean down to kiss her lips. “I love you. How do you feel?”
“Like a woman.” She wiggles her brows and laughs as she sits up and smooths her silky dress thing down. Then she looks at me, more serious. “I feel good. It didn’t hurt that much. Well, that’s not true—it did—but it was fast, and then it felt amazing.”
Her cheeks redden. I smile, and she fans them. “It takes a lot for me to turn this red, mister. This is your fault.” She jabs my shirt, then scoots closer to me. “How about for you?” she whispers.
“How do you think?” I hug her close and rub my cheek against her hair. Then I swoop her up and carry her into the bathroom, kiss her cheek, and leave her to it. She comes out a few minutes later looking tired but happy.
I help her back into her dress, and then it’s time to go. She laughs when I offer to carry her back to the limo.
“I’m sore,” she whispers, “but I can still walk.”
Still I help her into the car, shut the door behind us, and pull her close as she leans leans her head on my shoulder during the ride back to the Arnoldi mansion.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you.”
“Come to Columbia with me. Please. We can live together. I’ll have a place.”
A sort of buzzing without sound starts in my throat and spreads into my chest.
“Working hard. That’s the key, you know. Hard work takes you everywhere.”
Elise is talking, but I can’t hear her.
“You think you could go to college? Ha! You can have the shoe store. If it’s good for your old man, it can be good enough for you.”
“…We could watch TV between classes and cook together at night.”
I stare at the window as she spills out all her dreams, the unrealistic things, her hopes—and hope for her is something she can hold onto. For me it’s just a mirage. I can’t leave my mom and Soren. I’ve been thinking on it, but I just can’t see a way.
I look down at her. She’s looking up at me.
She whispers, “What do you think?”
“About college?” I manage.
Elise nods.
I swallow, noticing how dry my throat is. I don’t know what I can tell her. Honesty would crush her. I don’t want to lie. Her eyes are wide and warm. I say, “I’d like that.”
“You’re lying.”
“You want me to be honest?”
“I don’t know. What would honest be like?”
I try hard to keep my shit together. This night is about her. It’s not about my fucking anger.
“Tell me, Luca. I want to know.”
“It would be like I can’t go. I don’t need college to run a shoe store, do I?”
I can see the restraint on her face as her lips tauten.
“Who will watch my mom and Soren if I’m not there? No one—is the answer. Everything would go to shit, and it would all be my fault. For being selfish…with you. Because that’s what I want to do. I want to pick you, Elise, but I’m never, ever going to be able to.” I gulp more air down. “You should break this shit off with me.”
I put a hand over my face because my heart is racing and my eyes feel achy. This is what it all comes down to. This is what it always has. She’s wasting her time with me.
I feel her hand on my back, then her body up against my side. Then her arm around me. She pulls me back, halfway atop her. I let her because I can’t not.
She hugs me hard and strokes my back a few times. “You don’t have to pick me. Ever. Pick your family, and I’ll pick you.”
My throat aches. “You shouldn’t.”
“I’m not asking. I’m not choosing because I chose already. I’m not scared of what challenges you have coming at you. I don’t care. You’re my heart. You are the only thing that keeps me going, Luca. I need you.”
