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“Are you… I mean, I thought you didn’t want children.” Her voice is shaky. “Because I would never… I swear I don’t know how it’s possible. You need to believe me.” She looks up at me, and her big blue eyes blink at me with fear and sincerity.
Such a smart, conniving liar. I’ve come to know her: what makes her tick, how she thinks, what makes her scared, and what she wants more than anything. And that’s security. She craves it like a baby needs milk. She wants me to take care of her dad and she wants me.
And what’s more, I know, know in my heart she knew exactly what she was doing. But hey, I have to give it to her. No other woman has ever gotten me so crazy with desire that I lost sight of what I was doing like wrapping up my dick. I took her word and truly believed she was perfect since I never wanted kids and she can’t—well, couldn’t—have them. I’ve killed men for looking at me wrong, yet I have to hold back a smile at her. She sits so dejected I can’t wait to hear what she says next. It’s almost laughable, except that she’s right—I don’t want kids. They don’t fit into my life.
“So, you want it?” Her cheeks are flushed pink and her hands slightly shake as she brings the juice to her lips.
“No. I can’t stand kids actually. I mean some are cool, but I’m not father material. You did this, so you’ll be raising him. I’ll stop in and say hello on birthdays and shit, but other than that—”
She jumps up and grips the table as if to steady herself. “Are you telling me that you’re dumping me with your kid to raise on my own?” Her voice cracks.
I move directly in front of her and look her straight in those baby blues. “I’m saying exactly that. I. don’t. want. kids! I’m the president of a motorcycle club, Eve. Grow the fuck up. You did this. Now you get to deal with it.”
Her breathing is harsh as the tears slide down her cheeks. She looks up at the ceiling and back at me.
“I thought… I lov…” She swallows and clears her throat, all signs of the tears gone. “I thought you needed me. But all you are is a scared, pathetic thug who kills and sells drugs.”
Badass. She stares at me, her eyes swimming with tears but almost glowing with an I want to kill you look. My eyes narrow and I rub the back of my neck. My head is throbbing. She needs to know the truth. I can’t have her as a liability. I’ll make her my ole lady, move her in here, and that’s where it ends.
“Oh my God.” She spins in her pretty dress and flip-flops and runs back toward my bedroom. The door slamming makes my heart squeeze and I hate it. I look at her chair where she sat seconds ago and at her barely touched juice. For a second I have to force myself to stay strong. “Fuck.” I reach for my cigarettes and call Axel.
“Yeah?” he grunts into the phone. Axel thinks phones are evil, so he always sounds like a dick.
“Eve’s pregnant.”
Silence then a long sigh. “I knew it, I told you…”
“Meet me at the—” Suddenly I stop. I’m not actually going to leave Eve alone and pregnant. I’m a dick but not that much of a dick. “I need to go check on her.”
“Blade?”
“Yeah?” Glancing around my empty house, I wonder what it would look like with a family.
“I know I’m not her biggest fan, but I think she’s good for you. It’s only a matter of time before we find our other halves, and she’s yours, man. And if you tell anyone I said that I’ll deny it.”
I look down at my bare feet and take a breath. “She lied. I know she’s lying, and for some fucked-up reason that turns me on.”
Axel chuckles. “Yeah, you’re fucked. Make it work, man. I don’t want your job.”
Silence surrounds me as I let his words sink in. He doesn’t want it, I don’t want it, but in a way I do. It’s my birthright and my father, brother, and grandfather deserve more than a pussy-ass dumbass running from his shit.
“I’ll be back tomorrow. I might leave Eve here.”
“Whatever you need to do, man. And hey…”
“What?”
“Congratulations.”
I don’t say anything and hang up. Axel will get it. This is all fucked and I need to think. Ripping open my wooden cabinets, I grab a bottle of whiskey, unscrew it, and take a guzzle. Lack of food and the fact that it’s barely noon make me put it back. I pick up the phone and order a pizza and some hot wings, and then tell the guy to make sure the pizza is well done, since that’s the way Eve likes it. I go outside and smoke again and try to figure out what to say to her. She said she loved me. Loves me. Can either one of us truly love? I take a long drag and hold it. The warmth of the liquor and this cigarette have helped. My phone vibrates in my back pocket. I pull it out. “Well?” I say to Hilary.
