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“I wish it hadn’t taken me this long to learn how to love you without consuming you.”
I take his face in my hands. “You say it like you hold all the blame. We were equally complicit in our fall. Sometimes we have to break so we can recreate a stronger version of ourselves.” I press my lips to his, but pull back before he can deepen the kiss. “Promise me you’ll sign a contract.”
“I promise.” He makes an X over my heart and rises, sealing it with a searing, desperate kiss.
We walk down to street level together, and Kodiak makes a scene as he kisses me goodbye for far longer than is reasonable or appropriate. Afterward, I stand on the sidewalk, watching his cab disappear into morning traffic and feel the string that connects us pulling tighter the farther away he goes. It’s something I’ll have to get used to.
I manage to keep it together at work, but the moment I walk into the empty condo at the end of the day, I break down in tears. After stewing all day, I’m scared he might be right, and if he gets picked up by a West Coast team, we’re not going to be able to handle the distance.
I’m home for all of two minutes when there’s a knock on my door. The elderly woman down the hall sometimes has trouble with her key, so I wipe the tears away and try to get myself together enough to help her out.
Except when I open the door, it’s not my neighbor.
“Surprise!” My mom does jazz hands and nearly hits Lacey in the face. She ducks out of the way and elbows Lovey in the boob. Behind them are River and Josiah, who, unlike the twins, are standing a safe distance from my mom.
There’s a round of cringing and sorry before they all turn back to me.
“What are you guys doing here?”
“As if we were going to leave you here alone this weekend,” my mom says.
And of course I burst into tears, because that’s the kind of day it’s been. I can’t even speak I’m so choked up. They shuffle inside the condo and fold me into a group hug.
“We got you, Lavender.” My mom squeezes me tightly. “No matter what, you’re not going through this alone.”Chapter Thirty-SixGo the Distance
Kodiak
Present day
MY DAD PICKS me up from the airport. He surprises me by pulling me into a hug. And not a back-slap man hug—a full-on, rib-crushing hug.
“Is everything okay? Where’s Mom?”
He releases me and smiles wryly. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Your mom had to take Dakota to his track meet, and Aspen is at robotics, designing some kind of fighting robot, but they should all be home by the time we get there.” He gives my shoulder a squeeze. “It’s good to have you home, son.”
I nod and blow out a breath. “I’m ambivalent about being home, if I’m going to be a 100 percent honest.”
He laughs. “I know, but your mom misses you, and so do your brother and sister. So feign enthusiasm when you see them.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll drop the morose BS by the time we get home.”
We head for the exit. “Things okay with Lavender?”
“Uh, yeah. Mostly.” I rub the back of my neck. It took all of my resolve not to hook into the plane Wi-Fi on the two-hour flight and try to negotiate some sort of new deal with her. Logical? Nope. Desperate? Definitely.
“Mostly?”
“She overheard the conversation we had the other night.”
“Ah. So she’s aware Vancouver is looking at you?” my dad asks.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry I can’t make this easier on you, son.”
“I’m sorry I lost my cool.”
He puts an arm around my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “If anyone should be apologizing, Kody, it’s me. Sometimes I forget you and your mom are so much alike in the way you process things. But at the same time, you’re also a lot like me, just a whole shitload smarter.”
“I do a lot of stupid stuff for someone who’s supposedly so smart.”
“You’re twenty-two. You’re supposed to make mistakes. It’s how we learn from them. But I’m still sorry I can’t make this easier on you.”
“I’d feel a lot less conflicted if I weren’t looking at being so far away.” I rub at the webbing between my middle and ring finger on my left hand, where the infinity symbol is tattooed. In hindsight, it’s not a great spot for a tattoo, but I was also not in a great frame of mind when I got it.
“Because you don’t want to be away from Lavender?” His voice is laced with concern.
He unlocks the back of his SUV, and I toss my bag in.
“She kinda gave me an ultimatum.” I round the passenger side and slide into the seat.
His brow furrows. “What kind of ultimatum?”
