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“What if I’m only allowed to have hockey or Lavender, not both?”
“Why would you think that?”
“I tried so hard not to love her.” I look down at the counter. “It’s like she engraved herself on my heart when we were kids. I couldn’t not love her. So I tried everything I could to make her hate me. I said and did such horrible, hurtful things.”
“Has she forgiven you for that?”
“Yeah.”
“But you haven’t forgiven yourself?”
I shrug.
My mom pats my cheek and forces me to look at her. “You’re a good person, with a good heart, and you love intensely. Sometimes that level of love can be confusing and frightening, and we fight against it as a result. But Lavender sees you, just like you see her. She’s already granted you grace. It’s your turn to do the same.”____________________
The weekend is pretty damn stressful, but at least I’m not in it alone, since Maverick is in the same position. Interestingly enough, the fact that I’m now living with his sister hasn’t affected our friendship. Obviously there is absolutely no locker-room-style talk, but I was never really one to do that anyway, and neither is he.
By the end of the weekend, I’ve done what I said I would and signed with a team.
My dad is all smiles, and if rainbows could shoot out of his ass, they would.
“We’ll be in touch soon with all the details for training camp, and we’ll set up a time for you to come out and see the facilities in the next month,” the general manager tells me. “You’re going to be a great addition to the team.”
I shake his hand and mumble a bunch of nervous nonsense about how I’m looking forward to being part of the team and can’t wait for training camp, but what I’m mostly thinking is that at least Lavender won’t have to make good on her threat to break up with me.Chapter Thirty-SevenConcede
Lavender
Present day
ME AND MY mom are always up at the crack of dawn, no matter what time we go to bed, so on Sunday morning, we leave everyone else to sleep in, and I take her to the theater so she can see where I work and what I’m involved in. We grab coffees and pastries on the way. I point out all the places Kodiak and I like to go, and where some of the other interns live.
My mom makes a face. “Kinda reminds me of the apartment I lived in before your dad convinced me to move into his place.”
“I thought you lived in Gigi’s pool house.”
“For a while, so I could save up enough money to get my own place, but you know Gigi. She’s well-meaning but has zero concept of personal space and does not know how to knock.”
I can only imagine what that would be like. Gigi is inappropriate at the best of times, and when she gets together with Grandma Daisy, they’re a total train wreck. “Thank you for trying your best not to mortify me on a regular basis.”
“I save it all for Maverick, since he deserves it.”
“Where do you think he’ll be next year?” I’ve been so focused on what’s going on with me and Kodiak that I’ve totally spaced on the fact that my brother is in the same position.
“Hard to say. Your dad seems to think there’s a chance he’ll end up in Nashville, but you never really know. And Mav is all about going with the flow, so he’ll be fine with whatever team wants him. Honestly, my biggest concern for your brother is the decadent lifestyle.”
“You’re worried the fame is going to go to his head?” I ask.
“He just . . . likes to have a little too much fun, and he doesn’t take things as seriously as he should.”
He buckled down after my dad called him out on all the partying and his poor grades in the first semester and managed to graduate with honors. “He was better second semester, though. Maybe he’ll do some growing up once he’s playing professionally.”
“We can hope.”
Rehearsal isn’t scheduled until later in the day, so the theater is quiet and basically empty when we arrive. I take her behind the stage to the back rooms where I work and show her some of the costumes I’ve completed since I started, as well as the one I’ve been working on for the past few days. I’m in the middle of explaining how fabric colors and textures work together with the set to make the actors really pop on the stage when she pulls me into a tight hug.
“Mom?”
“I’m so proud of you.” When she releases me, she dabs at her eyes. “You’ve come so far from that shy girl who didn’t speak above a whisper.”
“I had a lot of therapy and support and you, so that definitely helped.”
