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My grip tightened on her hand. When I looked over at her, she had tears in her eyes. They were also filled with terror. It crossed my mind that my being in this hotel might have somehow gotten leaked, causing someone to pull the fire alarm. Crazier things had happened. The cause didn’t matter now, though. All that mattered was getting to the safety of the sidewalk.
When we finally made it past the mob and the cold night air hit us, I pulled Luca in my direction and just fled. Still holding hands, we ran as fast as we could from the hotel. I just needed to get away from all of it so I could think straight.
About three blocks down the road, we finally got to a point where there was no one else in sight. Luca was still shaking as I pulled her into an alleyway and leaned her against the wall of a brick building. I cradled her face in my hands, bringing her forehead to my lips.
Whispering, I said, “It’s okay, baby. We’re fine. Everything is fine. You’re gonna be just fine. My brave girl. I love you so much.”
But everything wasn’t really “fine.” She wasn’t saying anything, and I knew she was still in shock. She just kept crying, shivering.
All I could think was that she had trusted me, and I’d greatly fucked up. I had asked her to step out of her comfort zone. I should have known that taking her to a commercial hotel was a bad idea. I thought with the safety of the penthouse and the private elevator, we could risk it. But I hadn’t taken into account the possibility of an urgent situation. In the event of an emergency, all bets were off. I’d put her in what was likely one of the scariest scenarios imaginable, one that mimicked the very event that had traumatized her. I only hoped I hadn’t caused any irreversible damage to her recovery.
“I’m so sorry, Luca. So damn sorry.”
In my heart, I knew this situation was very bad. This trip had been about proving to her that we could make this work. I’d proven just the opposite, that I could hardly take her anywhere without something bad happening. I didn’t want to lose the woman I loved, but at what cost? Making her life miserable just so I could selfishly have her by my side? Cole Archer could never be erased. He could never have a normal life. He’d never be able to truly hide or keep Luca 100 percent safe. I’d been so blinded by my feelings for this woman that I’d tricked myself into believing that it would be easier than it is. I wanted to believe that. It isn’t easy at all. It’s damn hard. As she continued to shake in my arms, the harsh reality of the situation was really starting to hit me, the truth I didn’t want to accept: that we might not be able to make it.CHAPTER 25
GRIFFIN“What can I do? I need to do something.” I yanked at my hair while pacing back and forth and talking on the phone with Doc. Luca was out cold in the bedroom, thanks to a healthy dose of Xanax he’d prescribed when I’d first called him a few hours ago. But she’d been against even taking one pill; I wasn’t going to get her to take any more—which meant I needed to figure out how to fix what I’d fucked up. Fast.
“I’m afraid you’re doing everything you can, Griffin. You’re providing her emotional support and a safe environment. She’ll calm down. It’s just going to take some time.”
“How much time?”
Doc sighed. “I can’t tell you that, either, Griffin. Luca’s fear of being trapped stems from a situation that she couldn’t control. Over the last few years, we’ve worked on her believing that she always has control—whether that is to walk out of a building or simply get out of a car—but at the moment she’s feeling like she had no control over the situation that occurred, and it’s going to take some time for her to be able to see she actually did. She allowed you to take the lead and exited the building—that’s giving permission to another person to help when she needed it most. However, I know our Luca, and I’m sure she doesn’t see it like that—at least not right now. She’s feeling like she was helpless. And in good time, we can work to get her to see that sometimes allowing someone to help is the best decision to make and that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Just the opposite, actually. Allowing someone to have control over you is a form of exercising control in itself.”
I creaked open the door to the bedroom to check on Luca while talking to Doc. She was still out cold. I’d taken her to a friend’s house. A buddy I shared a label with lived on the outskirts of Chicago. Luca and I had only been sleeping an hour when the fire alarm went off, so we both needed to crash for a while, and I knew taking her to another hotel was out of the question. Luckily, Travis had answered his phone when I called at 3:00 a.m., and he was kind enough to let me stay over at his place. He was on the road for a gig, so we had the place all to ourselves for the night after a quick stop to wake up his housekeeper and borrow her keys.
