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“I can’t lose her. She’s all I have.”
My heart broke a little, and I didn’t think twice as I said, “I know it’s nowhere near the same thing, but you have me. You’re not alone.”
She responded with a questioning look. “No, I don’t. Not really.”
It was strange how easily my statement had come out. That might have seemed like an irresponsible promise, given that I was leaving, but I somehow knew that if Raven needed me, I would always be here for her, no matter where I was in this world. I wasn’t sure where things stood with us, but I knew I cared about her enough to make that promise. That realization was eye opening.
“Yes, you do, Raven. You do have me. And I will do whatever you need me to if I can help.” I took her hands in mine and squeezed them.
“Thank you.” She let go of me and walked over to the window, gazing out. “I have to stay positive. That’s the only way I can get through this—take it one day at a time.”
I stood behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. “That’s a good idea. Try not to worry too much about what might happen. Just focus on each day as it comes.”
I knew that was easier said than done. And I always hated it when people said stuff like that to pacify me. It didn’t take away the difficulty of anything. And nothing I had ever gone through was as serious as what Raven and her mother were about to face. It made any bad thing I thought I’d experienced seem ridiculous.
She turned around to face me. “I got a new job.”
“Really? Where?
“At the car wash down the street. Just doing admin stuff. Not sure what qualified me, but I got it.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Well, I don’t know about awesome, but it’s something. It means I’ll have a little bit of money coming in to help.”
Just then, the door to her room opened. I flinched.
Renata’s eyes widened when she saw me. “Gavin…”
“Renata…I…was just…”
Raven saved me from making an ass of myself.
“Gavin came over, Mom, because he was worried about us. He knew you’ve been out of work, and I hadn’t been very responsive to him. He figured out that something was going on. I just told him the truth. I’m sorry if you didn’t want him to know, but I needed to tell someone. He promises not to say anything to his parents.”
I braced for Renata’s response.
“It’s okay. I know this is just as difficult on you as it is on me, and you need a friend right now.” She looked over at me. “Gavin, thank you for your concern.”
Her reaction was a pleasant surprise. I certainly didn’t want to upset her, but it would’ve been very difficult to walk away right now.
She turned to Raven. “I just wanted to let you know I’m going to be taking a ride over to Cecelia’s house. She wants to talk to me about her mother’s experience with the same type of breast cancer, and she wants to cook me dinner. I thought that was nice, and as much as I don’t feel like going out, I think it would be good for me to leave the house.”
“I think that’s a great idea, Mom. Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. You don’t have to. You need to get your mind off things, too. Enjoy your time with Gavin.”CHAPTER NINE* * *RAVENAfter my mother left, Gavin and I ventured out into the kitchen.
“I’m glad your mom didn’t seem fazed by my being here.”
“I think this whole experience is giving her a different perspective on a lot of things.”
“She said she wants you to get your mind off it for a while. Maybe we should go out.”
“I don’t know. For some reason, I’m not in the mood to be around people. I’ve been randomly crying a lot. And I haven’t been sleeping much. I’m just so tired.”
“Then we’ll stay in. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as I can distract you a little.”
Suddenly, my tears began to fall. This was the type of thing that had been happening lately.
Gavin took me into his arms again. “I’m sorry, Raven. I’m so fucking sorry.” After a minute, he spoke into my ear, “When was the last time you ate something?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Shit. We gotta get you fed. You need your strength.”
He walked over to the cabinets and started opening them one by one.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna make you something.”
“I didn’t know you could cook.”
“I can’t.” He smiled. “But I’d be willing to try for you.”
God, I’m so glad he’s here.
“Well, this might just double as dinner and entertainment,” I teased.
“Are you saying you don’t think I can come up with something edible, Donatacci?”
His use of my last name made me chuckle. He’d never done that before.
