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Ryder could see the look of concern on my face. I was sure he knew this talk of moving was starting to stress me out. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to move to California. I wanted that more than anything.
As if he could read my mind, Ryder came up behind me and rubbed my shoulders. “We’ve got all the time in the world. We can start by keeping an eye out for schools in California, though.”
“Or keeping an ear out,” Ollie corrected.
Ryder smacked his forehead. “You got me, kid. We’ll keep our ears and noses out. If the right fit comes along, we’ll make a decision together about moving. And even if we find a good school, you can change your mind. That’s okay, too.”
“It will be a team decision,” I said.
Ryder glanced over at me. “Yeah, a family decision.”***After Ollie went to sleep that night, Ryder seemed on edge as we retreated to my bedroom. We hadn’t discussed whether or not I’d be working tonight, although my plan was to skip it.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He seemed very tense. “There’s actually something I want to talk to you about.”
My heart sped up a bit. “Okay…”
“This is hard for me, because I normally consider myself a strong person, but when it comes to you, all bets are off. I’m jealous, out of control, a little crazy.”
“What’s going on?”
Ryder took me by the hand. “Come here. Let’s sit.” He sat on the bed with his back against the headboard and pulled me to straddle him. His face turned red as he let out a long breath. “I don’t want to share you anymore, Eden.”
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what he was getting at. “You want me to stop camming…”
“Here’s the thing. I don’t want you to stop if it truly makes you happy. But if it doesn’t make you happy? Then, yes. I want you to stop.” He ran his hand along my body. “Because this is mine, and I don’t want anyone else to have it anymore—even virtually.”
This clearly wasn’t easy for him to bring up.
“You’ve been wanting to say this for a while, haven’t you?”
“What right do I have to tell you what to do? None. All I can tell you is how I feel. I know that sounds hypocritical, because your job is how we met, but the more I grow to love you, the harder it is for me to accept sharing you.”
I wanted to quit camming more than anything, but this wasn’t just about no longer taking my clothes off. The camming was my livelihood, and giving it up meant becoming dependent on Ryder, something I’d vowed I’d never do.
“I really want to be able to say yes.”
“What’s your hesitation?”
“I don’t want to have to rely on you. And without that money coming in, I will.”
“What’s wrong with leaning on someone else for a while—especially someone who has the means to support you? You’ve been independent for a long time. It’s okay to let someone else help you, especially if they love you. This isn’t charity, Eden. You finding a different career would benefit me just as much as you. In a way, it’s me being selfish and using my money for my own benefit—for my own sanity. Look at it that way, if you want. Let me buy some sanity.”
That did help me see the situation a bit differently. “Love is about sacrifice, isn’t it? I guess I’m still getting used to not only that concept but the idea that someone would love me enough to want to take care of me.”
“I wouldn’t be supporting you forever, because I know you wouldn’t let me do that, even though I might want to. So just let me get you on your feet, so you can do something you want to do, that makes you happy and doesn’t make me want to kill half the male population of the world.”
That made me laugh, but I knew he wasn’t kidding. And I’d made up my mind; I wasn’t going to continue doing something that made him miserable. It had been different before we were truly committed, but being in a relationship was about sacrifices. Ryder was already sacrificing a lot of time to be with me, and I needed to take this plunge, despite how scary it seemed.
There was only one thing left to say. “Okay.”
Ryder seemed surprised at how easily I gave in. “Okay? Like, you’re done? Just like that?”
“Yes. Cold turkey. I’ll post a message on my page tomorrow and cancel my account.”
He buried his face in my chest. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
“You know, it was a big deal what you did earlier, using the word family around Ollie. I know you wouldn’t do that unless you absolutely planned to stick around. That helped it sink in how serious you are about this. So, this is a two-way street. I wouldn’t have the courage to leave camming if I wasn’t certain you were here to stay.”
