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Wow. Totally not what I expected, but it was also a lot more than I could accept from him. “Rush…that’s very generous of you, but…”
He raised his hand stopping me. “Let me finish. This solves a lot of your worries, not just the studio apartment one. You want to write—the book you’re writing is set in the Hamptons. You said yourself you’d be happy if you could turn it into a series. Well, you’ll write that series better by staying out here. And, I pretty much lose my entire staff after Labor Day. The restaurant closes in October, but I keep the bar open year-round. It turns into a bunch of locals who don’t drink all the stupid shit that the summer brats out here drink. So I’ll teach you how to make a few drinks, and you can stay on as my bartender so that you have steady work.”
“Rush…I don’t know what to say…”
His hand went up again. “Not done yet.”
I smiled, my hopes growing by the minute. “Okay.”
“The last thing you’re worried about—not ready to be a mother. I can’t really help you there, myself. But I have the perfect person who can—my mother raised me alone. I’m sure she would love to come out and spend time with you and teach you mom shit.”
“Mom shit…”
“Whatever you need to learn to make yourself feel better.”
This morning I’d dropped a bomb on this man, and instead of getting pissed off and running for the hills, he’d spent the day trying to solve all of my problems for me. And he had most of it figured out. It was incredibly generous and thoughtful. But he’d missed the most important part of what I’d said this morning. Or maybe he hadn’t…
“Rush. That is the most kind and generous offer that anyone has ever attempted to give me. And I truly appreciate it more than you will ever know. But…” I wasn’t sure how to say what I really wanted after he’d just given me so much.
“What?”
“I did say all those things. And I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate all that you’re offering and how much you thought about things today. But the point of me telling you all of that earlier wasn’t so that you can solve my problems. The point was, when I was done telling you how afraid I am of all those things…” I took a deep breath and locked gazes with Rush before getting to the most important part. “I told you I was afraid of all those things and yet what terrifies me the most is…what happens between me and you now.”
Rush’s eyes told me the answer before he found the words. He looked distraught and sad, mixed with a touch of what I thought might be guilt. With a deep breath, he reached forward and squeezed my knee.
“I’m sorry, Gia. I really am. I just…I’m not ready for a family. I wasn’t even sure if I saw a serious relationship in my life at all before I met you. It’s why I kept trying to slow us down. You’re an amazing woman, and I want to help you however I can. But shit just got real, and now it’s not just you I’ll fuck up when I eventually…I just…I’m not ready for this.”
It felt like a fifty-pound weight had settled onto my chest. It made it hard to breathe. “I understand.”
He squeezed my knee again to get my attention. Rush looked as sad as I felt. “Stay in the house. Work the winter at The Heights. Let me help in that way, at least.”
The taste of salt in my throat told me I wasn’t going to be able to hold back the tears much longer. Rush felt bad enough. He was trying to do the right thing as much as he could. This wasn’t his burden to carry. I stood. “It’s a lot to think about. But I really appreciate your offer.”
“Gia…” He stood. It was torture not being able to reach out and touch him in the moment.
“I gotta go inside. Nature calls.”
He looked crestfallen but nodded.
I held my head high as I hurried to the door—hoping, just hoping, that I could disguise my running away as bravery and make it a little bit easier for Rush.Morning sickness apparently doesn’t always come in the morning.
Tonight’s special was pan-fried salmon and garlic parmesan roasted asparagus. I’d always loved the smell of the kitchen at The Heights, until I walked in two nights after my conversation with Rush. I had to literally run to the bathroom where I proceeded to lose the little bit I had eaten during the day.
My head hung over the toilet as I dry heaved. Nothing was left, but apparently my stomach didn’t get the message. The bathroom door creaked open then shut.
