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Gia bit her bottom lip. Her pink face turned bright red now. “What about sex…without a partner?” She motioned between the two of us. “We’re not… and I wanted to ask my doctor at the last appointment, but he’s a man and he’s older…and I’d like to use a….”
While I was completely lost on what the hell Gia was getting at, apparently the secret code she was speaking made sense to the PA. “Oh. I’m sorry. Yes, absolutely. You can safely use a vibrator or any other toys that you’d regularly use. Not an issue at all.” The woman dug into her pocket and pulled out a business card. “I totally understand why asking that question to Dr. Daniels might’ve been difficult. He’s a wonderful doctor, but I get it. Please…call me any time you want to discuss anything.”
The two of them chatted away for a few more minutes, but I didn’t hear a fucking word of it. My brain was totally stuck on the fact that Gia was horny and about to go to town on herself with her vibrator.“Is everything okay?” Rush hadn’t said one word since leaving the doctor’s office, and we were halfway to my house.
“Fine.”
“Did it freak you out to go with me? I’m sorry if it was too much to ask.”
“No. I appreciate you asking me.”
Seeing his knuckles turn white from the death grip he had on the steering wheel and listening to his curt responses didn’t make me feel like he appreciated going.
I stared down at the ultrasound pictures and tried to talk myself into believing that I was paranoid and that nothing was wrong. But I felt like I’d made a big mistake relying on Rush. It was a lot to ask of anyone, and I really needed to learn to stand on my own two feet. For the last few weeks, I’d been weighing the pros and cons on Rush’s offer to help me, to stay at his house until after the baby was born. Today made me realize it wasn’t a good idea. He had a big heart, and I believed that his offer was sincere, but it was unfair to burden anyone with my problems. I needed to set him free. As much as the thought gutted me, I knew it was the right thing to do. Like having a covered wound that hurts when you touch it, once I’d decided it was time to rip the Band-Aid off, I thought it best to do it in one quick tear. So when we pulled up to the house, I took a deep breath and turned to face Rush.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And although your offer was extremely generous, I’m not going to be staying out here after our summer share is up.”
Rush had been staring out the window straight ahead even after he’d pulled to the curb. He finally turned to me. “What? Why?”
“I need to do this myself, Rush. If I’m here with you, I’m going to just keep leaning on you, and that’s not fair to either of us.”
He looked back and forth between my eyes. “I want you to lean on me.”
I touched his arm. “I know you do. Because you’re a good man, Rush. But it’s only going to make it harder to walk away at some point. And I will keep you from moving on. Look at what happened the other night when you tried to be with another woman. You’re the most loyal man I’ve ever met. I realize now that you aren’t going to move on with me out here, even though you want to. And, honestly, neither will I.” I felt tears welling in my eyes. “So I think it’s time. Sometimes you have to let go of the things you never really had.”
Rush’s head hung with his eyes shut, so I used the opportunity to get out of the car before he saw me break down. “Thanks for taking me today, Rush.”
I made it to the door holding back my emotions, but by the time I tried to put the key in the lock, the unshed tears had blurred my vision, and I dropped my keys on the floor. I bent down, but a large hand scooped them up before I could.
Rush’s voice was close behind me when I stood, but I couldn’t turn around.
“I’m an idiot,” he said with a strained low voice. It made my tears fall faster. I stared straight ahead at the door.
“No. You’re not. I’m the idiot.”
“You said I’m the most loyal man you’ve ever met. That’s my biggest fear. That I can’t live up to that. That part of me is just like my father. You see me the way you want to see me. Not as a man who’s fucked a dozen different women each summer and never wondered that I might be hurting them in the wake of walking out the door the next morning.”
