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I don’t know how else to cope with the loss of Luca and the kids. Even though that loss is completely my fault, it still hurts terribly.
I wasn’t there when Jack came home from the hospital. I’m not there now helping take care of him. I won’t be able to take the girls for our planned spa day in a couple weeks.
And Luca. God, I miss Luca. These past several days have made me realize what I had in him. When we were together, I was closer to whole than I ever thought I would be again. I had a partner. Someone who always had my back, no matter what. Even when we weren’t physically together, he was still there. I knew I could count on him to be there if I needed him.
But he couldn’t count on me in that same way. I’m disgusted with myself for racing out of the hospital that night. My wounds apparently cut deeper than I realized until I was confronted by them.
“Abby,” my construction foreman Don calls.
I look up from my desk.
“Tile samples are in,” Don says. “Want to take a look?”
“Yes.”
I walk over to a table where tile is displayed in several shades and sizes. The bathrooms will be tiled, and it’s time to choose our materials.
Wrapping my cardigan around me for warmth, I look over the different tiles. This store’s walls and roof are done, so we’re dry and out of the wind now. But the interior work, including heating and cooling, is still underway, so it’s getting chilly in here as fall sets in.
“I like this one a lot.” I point to a plank tile with a wood grain pattern. “What do you think?”
“That one would look good,” Don says, nodding.
“Which one do you like best?”
He shrugs. “I’d go with this.” He points to an eighteen-inch slate tile with dark, earthy shades.
“Yeah?”
“I like contrast, and with light wood floors in the showroom, this one would look sharp. But the wood grain would look great, too.”
“No, you’re right. I’m glad you said that. Let’s do the slate.”
“You got it.”
“Hey boss,” one of the workers calls out to Don.
“What’s up, Mack?”
“There’s a guy out here looking for Abby Daniels. What should I tell him?”
Don turns to me. “You expecting anyone?”
I shake my head and do a mental run through of my schedule for today. “No. Could it be a surprise visit from a building inspector?”
“I’ll go see,” Don offers.
“No, I’ve got it. Thanks.”
I walk across the store’s massive subfloor in my practical tennis shoes. I don’t have to dress up to work here, which is kind of nice. I walk to neighborhood restaurants for lunch and dinner without having to curse my heels.
When I step out the store’s front door, I see him and stop moving.
Luca’s leaning against the driver’s side door of his Escalade, wearing jeans, work boots and a worn leather jacket. He’s looking right at me, his expression serious, but not angry.
My breath catches in my throat. I don’t know if it’s because he looks so good, because I miss him so much, or because he’s here. I walk toward him, and he comes my way at the same time.
When he puts his arms around me, I don’t fight it. I don’t even know how. This is Luca, and I love him so much it hurts. We stay like that for a minute, our arms locked around one another.
“How’s Jack?” I ask him.
He pulls back and looks down at me. “Much better. But I’m here to talk about us.”
My heart flutters as I look into his sapphire eyes. I want there to be an us. I want it so badly. But I’m not strong enough to be Luca’s better half.
“I’m sorry,” I say as tears pool in my eyes.
“Is it the kids? Is it too hard for you to be around them?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head adamantly. “It’s not that.”
“Is it me?”
His wounded look is like a knife to my heart.
“Luca.” I put my palms on his chest. “No. It’s not you in the least. I love you so much—”
My voice breaks and I clear my throat.
“Tell me then, Abby. These cryptic texts are driving me fucking nuts. We’re better than this.”
I scoff sadly. “You’re better. I’m a coward.”
“What does that even mean? What’s going on with you?”
“The hospital.” I take a deep breath in and then out. “I was about to jump out of my skin the whole time we were there. I think I had an anxiety attack.”
He nods slightly. “That’s understandable. I’m sorry you were put in the position of having to go to a hospital like that.”
“It’s not just that.” My voice is thick with unshed tears. “When I saw Jack in the hospital bed…” I shake my head and look away.
“It made you think of Chloe.”
