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“Of course. I’d love for you to come on board. I know we can do great things together.”
Ugh. Even though I know Gabe doesn’t want to give me this job for strictly professional reasons, his new venture sounds amazing. It’s backed by a billionaire and will provide job training for hundreds of homeless people every year. All the proceeds from the restaurant side will help support the shelter side.
As I watched a presentation on the project yesterday, I kept asking myself what if this could become self-sustaining? What if we could build a model other communities can use, where it doesn’t take a billionaire to make something like this happen?
I want to try. It was by a fluke of Magnolia donating food to the Women’s Mission that I discovered my passion for helping homeless and abused women build better lives for themselves, but now, it’s all I want to do.
“So, you’ll let me know?” Gabe asks me as I look out the window for my Uber.
“Yes. Like I said, I’m interested. Very interested, but I can’t commit just yet.”
“Okay. I understand.”
“I appreciate the offer so much,” I say. “I’ll be in touch soon.”
Gabe gives me a wistful look. “You’re sure you can’t stay one more night?”
“No, I can’t. My boyfriend needs me at home.”
“Oh.” He looks crushed and I almost feel bad, but I never gave him any reason to think I had any interest.
“There’s my Uber,” I say, reaching across the table to shake his hand. “Thanks again, Gabe.”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”
I pull my suitcase behind me, wrestling with it as I try to get it through the coffee shop door. My Uber driver makes no effort to help me with it, either. He looks stoned.
On the ride to the airport, I turn my phone over and over in my hand, wanting to reach out to Knox. He texted last night and said we need to talk. I was planning to call him this morning and ask if he could meet up with me as soon as my flight lands.
But now that I know about his dad, everything feels different. I don’t feel like his trusted confidant anymore. And even though I just called him my boyfriend to Gabe, I don’t feel like much of a girlfriend to him.
Relationships are about getting through the good and the bad together. But if Knox won’t share his bad stuff with me, I can’t be there for him. If I confront him with this, I feel like he’ll throw it back in my face that I didn’t tell him about New York. But it’s two totally different things.
I can’t confront him about anything, anyway. He has to be devastated about his dad. My eyes well with tears as I remember him talking about his dad in Kauai. He spoke with such pride.
“I haven’t loved very many people in my life.”
His words outside my apartment the last time we spoke echo in my mind, and in my heart. I blink and tears spill onto my cheeks. Knox loves hard. I want more than anything to put my arms around him right now.
I’m completely torn. Torn between being with Knox and taking the job in New York. Torn between letting myself fall completely in love with Knox and guarding my heart from the unknown.
There won’t be another man in my life like Knox. I know that. Not in Chicago, not in New York, not in the entire world. He rescued me that day in Kauai, but he also did so much more. He healed me and listened to me. He doesn’t just let me be unapologetically me, he wants me to be. He told me he loved me after we got into a fight that was, if I’m being honest, my fault.
I can’t stop replaying us in my mind. His words, my laughter, our adventures, both big and small. His love of peanut butter in all its forms. The way he told off my ex in a way that made me feel more loved than anyone or anything ever has.
“Hey lady, we’re here.”
The Uber driver is glaring at me in the rearview mirror.
“Oh, sorry.”
I open my car door, grab my suitcase and lug it out onto the sidewalk, resolving not to tip the driver.
Should I call Knox, or should I wait? Maybe I should text.
But what would I say? Hey, I saw on CNN that you lost your father?
No. Painful as it is, I’m not reaching out to him right now. If he wanted me to be there with him and his family, he would have told me so.
Dragging my suitcase through the airport doors, I sigh softly. All I can do at this point is wait.Chapter Twenty-OneKnoxIt’s actually a relief to board a flight to Boston so I can meet up with my team for tonight’s game. My Aunt Meredith has been with my mom for three days now, since the day after my dad died, and she’s staying as long as my mom needs her.
