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Glancing up at me, she says, “Have a seat. I’ll be right there.”
She sets her pen down and looks around her desk, lowering her brows in confusion.
“They’re over here,” I say, pointing at her reading glasses, which are sitting on the small round table next to the chair she sits in during our sessions.
“Oh.” A light pink flush floods her cheeks. “Thanks.”
She walks over and sits down, grabbing the reading glasses and putting them on. Today she’s wearing dark gray leggings, a royal blue sweater dress and tall black boots. Her hair is down, curling wild and loose past her shoulders.
“I want to continue with what we were doing in group yesterday,” she says, reading the notes on her legal pad.
“I need to say something before we start.”
She looks up at me. “What is it?”
I take a deep breath and exhale hard, trying to remember how I decided to phrase this when I was lying in bed last night.
“It’s hard for me to talk about some things,” I start. “I’ve always been that way. But with you…it’s different. I didn’t want to at first, but then…”
“You’re making great progress here.” Her tight, formal smile is the only one I get from her anymore.
“Yeah, it’s been good.” I shift in my seat, forgetting how I wanted to say any of this. “But something’s different with us the past few days, and I don’t like it.”
“Maybe things feel different because you’re opening up more.”
I scoff. “Bullshit. This new, walled-off version of you is complete bullshit.”
Graysen softens. “Alexei, I should have been walled off the entire time. I have a job to do. And if I wasn’t completely professional before, I’m sorry. That’s my fault.”
Tears glisten in her eyes, and I feel like an asshole for upsetting her. I walk over to her chair and sit on the wood coffee table in front of it, bringing us knee to knee and eye to eye.
“You’ve been completely professional, and you know that. Something happened, and I’m in the dark over here. You know why that fucking sucks, don’t you?”
She draws her knees back an inch so they aren’t touching mine anymore, her expression pained.
“Alexei, I don’t—”
“It sucks because I’ve opened up to you more than I ever have to anyone. None of this has been easy for me, but you make me think…maybe I can do this. And I don’t know if it was my blow up over Anton, or if I offended you somehow, but you’re not the same with me anymore. I don’t know how to open up to someone who won’t be open with me.”
Graysen closes her eyes. “You didn’t do anything, Alexei.”
I groan in frustration, putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. My knee brushes against Graysen’s and again, she moves away. I look up at her, suddenly panicked.
“Have I made you feel uncomfortable? With something I’ve said or done?”
She looks away. “Not at all.”
“Graysen…fucking hell, will you just tell me? Whatever it is, you can trust me.”
When her eyes find mine, I see pleading there. She’s silently debating whether or not to tell me. The moment is heavy, like something very important is hinging on what she decides.
If she shuts me out again, I’ve got nothing left to say. I’ve pleaded my case more than once now, and I’m not gonna beg. But I meant what I said—I won’t keep opening my emotional veins and bleeding in front of Graysen if she doesn’t level with me about what’s changed between us.
“Gia said something to me a few days ago.” She sighs, her shoulders sagging. “And it just—”
“Gia?” I sit up straighter. “She said something about me? I swear to you, I haven’t done shit with her.”
“No, not that, it’s…” Graysen’s blush deepens. “She thinks I’ve been unprofessional with you.”
“Well, she’s wrong.”
She gives me another pleading look. “She thinks I have feelings for you that are more than just doctor-patient.”
“Fuck Gia.” I shake my head, disgusted. “She’d say anything to manipulate her way into getting what she wants.”
Graysen’s eyes stay locked on mine as we sit in silence. Once again, I feel something big hanging in the balance, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.
“She’s right,” Graysen says softly, looking down.
I sit there for a few moments, too stunned to speak. How could I have been so dumb? This explains her red cheeks and embarrassed expression.
“You…” I shake my head, still confused. “Me? What would a woman like you see in a guy like me?”
She laughs softly. “You mean an uptight doctor who hasn’t been on a date in two years?”
“I mean a beautiful, successful woman who could have her choice of men. I’m a disgraced, washed up former hockey player with a bad hip and a major drinking problem.”
Graysen leans just the slightest bit closer to me, her smile fading. “That’s not what I see. I see a man fighting like hell to own his mistakes and do better.”
