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“You had to give up your dreams, though,” Hazel says. “To take care of us.”
“The dreams we have when we’re eighteen years old usually change into new dreams.”
“You didn’t get to be with Coach Zimmerman, though. And you guys still love each other.”
I smile and cover her hand with mine. “We were in a situation where we both had two different dreams and we both had to choose which future we were going to follow. I don’t look at Erik and think he chose hockey over me. And he doesn’t feel that way about me choosing to raise you guys.”
Max looks up at me, his eyes rimmed with red. “But now you guys have another chance, and I don’t want you to lose it because of me.”
“It’s not like that,” I assure him. “Erik could be on the other side of the world, and I’d still love him. Our feelings won’t change just because we can’t live together yet.”
“You’re a great mom,” Vi says, her voice unsteady.
I wait for the argument that it’s time for me to let them live with Jenna so I can be with Erik, or that Jenna deserves a chance to be a great mom, too. But it doesn’t come. She simply holds my gaze as a kind of understanding passes between us.
I love each of these kids the same, but Vi has always been the one who tests me the most. Her attitude is reminiscent of Jenna as a teenager, but her comment gives me hope that maybe she’s learning from my example.
“Okay, guys.” I smile through my tears, wiping my cheeks. “I have to get dinner going. Your mom will be here before long.”
“Do you need any help?” Hazel asks me.
“That would be great, thanks.”
“So,” Max says, “we’re not moving to Chicago this summer then?”
“No.” I smile so he knows everything’s okay.
I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping the kids would be excited about it. Moving to Chicago to live with an NHL player would’ve been big news to share, but then Max would’ve missed out on things he’s worked hard for, like his position as captain of the football team.
I was once a high school junior preparing for my senior year, looking forward to applying for college and graduating. My parents were planning to make sacrifices so they could send me to Penn State, where Erik was. There were less expensive schools I could’ve chosen, but they loved Erik and were happy that I wanted to pursue a higher education since neither of them attended college.
They never would’ve asked me to walk away from my dreams and raise Jenna’s children. But that decision was made for all of us when they were killed in that car accident. And as hard as it was for me alone sometimes, having the kids was a great comfort to me. It was me, the kids, and my parents before the accident. The girls were only three when they died, so they didn’t understand what was happening. But Max and I grieved together. He’d get in bed with me and we’d cry ourselves to sleep in each other’s arms.
“Will Coach Zimmerman be mad we aren’t moving in with him?” Hazel asks as we chop vegetables for a salad.
“Oh honey, no.” I set my knife down and turn to her. “If someone doesn’t support what you love, and if they aren’t willing to fight through hard things so you can be together, they aren’t worth it anyway.”
“And Coach Zimmerman is worth it.” She gives me a happy grin that warms my heart.
“He is.” I decide on an impulse to explain the past some more. “You know, when Grandma and Grandpa died, Erik wanted to quit college—and hockey—to come back here and help me raise you guys.”
“He did?”
“Yes.”
“Because he loves you so much?”
“Because we love each other.”
“Why didn’t he do it, then?”
I sigh softly and pick up my knife again, slicing a green pepper. “I wouldn’t let him. I thought that giving up college and a chance to play professional hockey was too much of a sacrifice.”
Hazel dumps the cucumber she diced into our big salad bowl. “Do you think you did the right thing?”
“That’s a hard question. I know I did what I thought was best at the time.”
“Did you miss him?”
“Very much. But I liked knowing he was chasing a big dream.”
“Do you like hockey?”
“Of course. Two of my favorite people in the world play it.”
Hazel smiles. “Coach Zimmerman and me?”
“Yes. He says you’ve got a lot of talent.”
“I love it. I wish girls could play in Greentree Falls.”
I furrow my brow in confusion. “What do you mean? You are playing hockey.”
“On the high school team, I mean. It’s only for boys. They don’t have a girls team.”
“That’s not fair.”
She shrugs. “The boys say girls get volleyball and they get hockey.”
