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“A jury will hang you if you kill an elderly person,” Flynn says, reading my mind.
“Might be worth it,” I grumble, angling my head as if it would make it possible to keep my eyes on her for a single second longer.
It doesn’t and before long, she disappears into the building.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
I may not have shocked Flynn by what I’m doing right now, but he does sound surprised when he watches Ignacio drive by with a wave as he passes my parked SUV.
“You have them follow her from work?”
I shrug. “I want to make sure she’s safe.”
“Wren has kept tabs on the Russians for the last two months, and there hasn’t been a peep of trouble. Are you lying to me, or worse yet, are you lying to yourself?”
“Did you forget about the gangbanger?” I’ll never be able to, especially with the nightmares that wake me up when I do get tired enough to sleep. That guy got too close for comfort, and it still haunts me.
“Did you forget the raid that St. Louis PD did? Those fuckers are running scared from the heat on their little organization. They don’t have the time or the energy to worry about revenge.”
“Stupid people do stupid things.”
He snorts another laugh. “You don’t say?”
His eyes dart from me to the quiet front of Anna’s building.
“Do we sit here all night, or are you done stalking her until tomorrow?”
I’d argue that I’m not stalking her, but even I can see the creepiness in my behavior.
He doesn’t say a word for the next hour and a half as I sit and wait to see if Anna is going to go out this evening. It’s Friday night, and although she hasn’t gone far from her building in the last month, I know she’s a social person. For all the grief she gave me while she was holed up at the Four Seasons, she’s not been socializing as actively as I had originally predicted.
“You know it would be easier to have Wren keep track of her.”
His words startle me. With my focus on her building and the swirling thoughts in my head, I’d forgotten I wasn’t alone in the vehicle.
“That would be too creepy.”
“Says the man watching a front door. What if she leaves from the parking garage or the rear entrance?”
I swallow, but don’t answer his question.
“Jesus, really? Who do you have back there?”
I flex my jaw, not wanting to answer but knowing he’ll hound me until I do. “Ignacio is in the garage. Gaige is on the back entrance.”
“And you don’t think this is a waste of BBS resources?”
I crack my neck, hands tightening on the steering wheel. I placed them there fifteen minutes ago when the voice in my head almost won out over my need to sit and wait, but I haven’t gotten the resolve to put the SUV in drive just yet.
“They’re my resources to waste.”
He grunts but doesn’t say another word for the next five minutes.
“Why do you sit out here when the girl you love is inside?”
“I don’t—” I clench my teeth. Denying it wouldn’t matter. We both know how I feel, and despite what Flynn said earlier, I’m not lying to myself about any of it. No sense in trying to deny it to him.
Flynn turns slightly in his seat, angling his body so he’s facing me better. I already know what’s coming, and maybe that’s why I allowed him to tag along this evening. Maybe I’ve tortured myself long enough. He’s either going to encourage me to go up and plead my case or he’s going to tell me to nut up and get over it.
“This isn’t healthy.”
His tone is lower, comforting almost, and I let my eyes close because this could still go either way.
“Your attitude has been better this last month.” I’ve just gotten better at hiding it and actively not taking my frustrations out on my men. “We all see how much it’s costing you.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him instinctively. I haven’t let my personal issues interfere with the job, and even though he’s my closest friend, I haven’t come to him for advice. I haven’t reached out to anyone. My parents have noticed the distance, and even though my guys have been trying to get me to do stuff outside of work like they did in the past, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Focusing during work is one thing. Having a few drinks with the boys would probably end up with me getting emotional over losing her. I swallow again, frustrated, but not really with Flynn.
“You haven’t shaved in weeks. You look like a yeti.”
I got the impression from my interactions with Anna that she liked facial hair, so I’ve kept it. Also, it’s almost impossible to garner enough strength to care what I look like these days. Fuck, if I were on the outside looking in, if I were watching Flynn go through this, I’d probably have his mental health evaluated.
