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“Oh, please. Looks who’s talking, blow and go.”
Murphy glances at me and he’s a little red in the face. I shrug. “Z fills me in on everyone’s exploits.”
“Asshole,” Murphy says, along with a fist to Z’s upper arm.
Z snickers and bounces on his toes away from Murphy. My hand settles on Z’s arm, so he doesn’t leave before we finish. “Have you ever tried having a conversation with any of your other, uh, friends?”
“Who? Club girls? No.”
“Why?”
“That’s not what they’re here for, Hope.”
See, it’s this attitude that pisses me off the most about the guys. “So, they’re good enough to fuck, but not talk to?”
“I talk to Serena,” Murphy says with a smug look at Z.
“Telling her how you like your dick sucked isn’t a conversation,” Z snaps back.
These two are giving me a headache. I rub my fingers into my temples. Both of them notice and quit their bickering.
“Sorry, Hope,” Murphy says and Z echoes him.
Z glances at Murphy as if he’s willing him away. “I’ve always been able to talk to Trinity, but that’s about it. She’s probably the only girl I’d consider a friend.” He must think my feelings are hurt, because he rushes to add, “You too.”
“Lucky me.”
Murphy chuckles at my sarcasm.
“Anyway, you want to know the difference, Hope? Club girls don’t care. One di—brother’s as good as the next.”
“Yeah, but you see them the same way.”
“I know. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. The ones who want a patch? It could be any one of ours. Mine, Murph’s, don’t matter. Preferably an officer so they have some power over the other girls, but that’s about it.”
“That’s sad.”
His shoulders lift. “It is what it is.”
The fact that I’m starting to see his point annoys me to no end.
Z’s lips curve into a devilish smirk—not unlike the face Wrath makes when he’s about to say something completely obnoxious. “Besides club girls will do all the dirty sex stuff a wife won’t do.”
Murphy rolls his eyes. “You’re such an asshole.”
“What?” Z shrugs.
“Show some respect,” Murphy says with a nod at me.
“Why are you all out in the hallway?” Heidi asks, interrupting what’s turned into an inappropriate discussion. We’re blocking her exit, so the guys move.
“Just talking, honey. How are you?” I ask.
“Nervous about a test I have to take.”
“What class?”
“Calculus.”
A chuckle works out of me. “Oh, I definitely can’t help you there.”
Heidi smiles, which is a relief. Lately she’s been so solemn. “Is your brother taking you to school?”
“I can take you, bug,” Murphy offers.
Heidi doesn’t seem as excited as she normally does when Murphy offers to take her out on his bike. “I don’t want to have helmet hair.”
Murphy snorts. “We can take my truck.”
“I got her, bro. Thanks,” Teller says, slapping Murphy on the back.
“Well, which one of you gets to take me downtown?” I ask once Teller and Heidi leave.
Murphy’s so fixated on the front door, he doesn’t hear my question. Z shrugs at me. “See what Wrath wants to do. I’ve got no problem running you down there. How long you think you’ll be?”
“At least a couple of hours.” In my head, I tick off all the things I need to do. For a second, helpless grief threatens to overwhelm me. Only knowing that I have something to offer, some way to help Rock, pushes the cloud away.
Wrath needed to check in at his gym, so Z ends up taking me to Adam’s office.
Somehow I lost the battle to drive my own damn car. Actually, there was no battle. Z simply plucked my keys out of my hand.
“It’ll be easier for me to spot a tail and lose it,” he explains, and I really can’t argue with his logic.
“I hope I didn’t offend you last night,” he says.
“Which time?” I tease, but then I realize, he’s being serious.
“I just want you to understand how important you are to Rock.”
His words tear at my chest. “Of course I do,” I whisper.
“You know the club will protect you and take care of you, right?”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Z this serious before. “I’ve gotten that impression.”
“All you need to do is be there for your man.”
It hits me all of a sudden what he’s worried about. “Z, I’m not leaving Rock.”
“I ain’t gonna lie and say this won’t be hard. But we’ll do everything we can to make it easier on you.”
Tears prick my eyes, so I wait a few seconds before answering him. “I know. You guys already have.”
“Good.”
We’re quiet after that, until we get to Adam’s office.
Where Z immediately causes trouble.
As soon as Adam sees me, he pulls me in for a hug. “Shit, Hope. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
“Taking your hands off her is a good start,” Z growls from behind me.
I roll my eyes and brace for the pissing contest about to start up.
Adam’s mouth twitches. “Who’s your yummy bodyguard?”
“Z, this is my friend, Adam. Adam, this is Z. I think you guys met the night we celebrated my engagement.”
Adam nods. “That’s right, so Z…?”
“Z, as in zero tolerance for dudes touching my friend’s woman.”
Oh, good grief. He’s worse than Rock. I smack his arm to draw his attention away from Adam. “Adam and I have been friends for years. Rock knows him. Settle down.”
“Yeah, I’d rather bend you over my desk than her, every day of the week,” Adam says with a slow smile.
I bury my face in my hands. Why? Why me?
Z’s still busy digesting the mental image Adam conjured up for all of us and seems to be speechless for the moment. Good.
“I need to use your account to do some research for Glassman. Is that okay?”
“Wow, hanging out with the big boys now?”
“Yeah, right. Notice Glassman didn’t offer me so much as a cubicle to use in his big white shoebox.”
“Can’t let the riffraff in, Hope. You know that.”
“Right.”
“I know I haven’t done a lot of criminal work, but if you want to bounce ideas off me, don’t hesitate.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
Z’s wearing a confused expression when I turn around. “Why wouldn’t Glassman want to work with you, Hope?”
“Uh, what’s lower than a prospect, Z?”
“Hangaround.”
“Well, that’s how firms like his think of solos. I’m also younger and female. I doubt he’ll even read whatever I send him.”
“No, he’ll read it. Then, mansplain it to you, Hope,” Adam says with a snicker.
The corners of my mouth stretch into a tired smile. “I don’t care. Any little thing I can do to help Rock is worth dealing with Glassman’s snobbery. And he is good at what he does. That’s all that matters.”
Z still seems confused, or annoyed. It’s hard to tell.
“You don’t have to hang out here all day, Z. You’ll be so bored.”
“I can use a receptionist if you want to answer phones,” Adam offers helpfully.
Z glares at him. “I’ll be fine, Hope. Do your thing.”
“Honestly, nothing’s going to happen to me here.”
“Didn’t you get attacked here?” Z reminds me with a frown, while jabbing a finger at Adam. “By one of his clients?”
Well, that settles that.
CHAPTER TWELVE
There are two types of criminals in county jail. Your “hardcore criminals” who are waiting to go to trial for the big ones: murder, rape, robbery, drug tr
afficking. Then there are the people in here for a short amount of time, your petty offenders. I suppose I fall into the first category. Even so, I keep my head up, don’t smile at anyone, don’t avoid eye-contact and keep my mouth shut.
Since the ones here for the short term are eager to get out, they’re not looking for trouble. They don’t want to do anything to mess up their release dates and spend another second here.
I also fall into that category.
Slater’s a shithole of a county, but surprisingly the jail isn’t overflowing with inmates. I have my own cell and few neighbors. This is good and bad. After my first forty-eight hours of good behavior, I relocated to a more “open door” wing of the jail, so I can come and go from my cell and visit the rec room during certain hours.
I’ve always treated everyone with respect until they forced me to do otherwise, and jail’s no different. As much as it irritates me, I treat the guards as professionals and don’t bug them or make more work for them if I can help it. That’s why it pisses me the fuck off that Lizard’s going out of his way to fuck with me.
With that in mind, I make the rounds in my unit, seeking out one of the longer residents. Chucky has family ties to the Wolf Knights MC and even though I could slit their president’s throat right now, Chucky’s a valuable source of information. He’s about my size and the other inmates give him the same distance they give me.
“What’s Izzard’s story?” I ask him while hanging outside his cell.
“He’s a shady motherfucker. Likes to step to the big guys. Makes him feel big, ‘cause he knows they ain’t gonna fight back in here.”
What a pussy. “Risky. One of these days he’s gonna fuck with the wrong guy.”
He chuckles. “No kidding.” He takes a few steps closer and lowers his voice. “You got a woman, make sure she don’t come to visit when he’s on the gate.”
Not what I wanted to hear.
I’ve only encountered him in the evenings and afternoons, and after some more inquiries, I determine the morning visiting hours—from eight to ten—are the only times Hope can come to visit. Honestly, even that I want to put a limit on. Not that I don’t want to see her. I miss her like fucking crazy. But every visit puts her at risk and worse, I’m afraid seeing me like this will begin to take a toll on her.
When I’m able to make my allotted collect call to explain the new visiting schedule, of course she argues with me.
“Rock, I’m an attorney. I can see you during the attorney visiting hours. Or schedule a time during—”
“It’s not about that, Hope. Don’t argue with me about this.”
The line’s quiet for a few seconds. “Okay.”
“Thank you.”
“Rock, are you okay?”
“As good as I can be. Glassman said you been pulling some research together for him on the bail hearing?”
“Yes. I think we have a crappy chance of it going our way.” I close my eyes when she says “we” because it reminds me too much of how we met and fuck if I don’t love her more than I ever thought possible. “It’s worth a shot. If you get denied again, we’ll appeal to a higher court.”
“Sounds good. Thank you.”
“I love you, Rock. I miss you so much.” Her voice comes through strong, but sad.
“I know. Same here.”
We’re cut off before any more words pass.
Between the hours of four a.m. and six a.m. are when I’ve discovered the clubhouse is, for the most part, quiet and still. For some reason—no matter when I fall asleep—I find myself awake at four almost every morning. Instead of forcing myself to go to sleep, I decided it’s easier to get up and do something. At least no one’s awake to hover over me, asking if I’m okay every time I so much as sigh.
Not that I’m ungrateful or I mind everyone looking out for me. But before Rock, I spent a lot of my life alone and doing things for myself. Having so much company is exhausting sometimes. Nice, but exhausting.
In these early hours, I have the clubhouse to myself. I’d go for a walk outside, but ever since Z joked about the wild life up here, I’ve been too afraid of getting eaten by a bear to wander around by myself at night.
More often than not, I find myself downstairs in the gym on the treadmill. Trying to out walk—no matter how I strap them down, my boobs won’t tolerate running—my racing mind. It never seems to work, but after a few hours I’m usually tired enough to go back to sleep. Or it’s daylight and I can hike out to our unfinished house to sit on the front steps and imagine happier times.
The mornings Trinity joins me at the gym are nice because she’s quiet and never feels the need to fill the air with endless chatter. We never walk out to the house together, as if she knows that’s my personal place to sit and wonder if Rock and I will ever get to live in it or not.
This morning, there’s no sign of Trinity. After stopping by the kitchen, I plan to go upstairs, but I find Heidi and Teller at one of the dining room tables instead. Since, other than Rock being in jail, things are calm, Wrath has unclenched his iron grip on everyone.
Well, Teller and Heidi. Not me or Trinity.
“Hey, Heidi, leaving for school soon?”
She glances at her brother before answering. “Yeah, just trying to figure out these financial aid forms.”
Teller runs his hands through his hair and gives me a pleading look.
“Do you want some help?”
Heidi’s hopeful expression settles the reservations I have about sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.
“Thanks, Hope,” Teller says.
Heidi’s bottom lip wobbles. “Are you okay, Hope? Is there any news about Uncle Rock?”
Teller bumps her with his arm, but I pull out a chair and sit next to her. There’s no reason to worry her with Rock’s you can only come between eight and ten phone call. “Not yet,” I answer simply.
“I feel bad doing all this,” she waves her hand over the papers scattered on the table. “When he’s—” she chokes on a sob, and I pull her into a hug.
“It’s okay, Heidi. You know he wants you to start college in the fall.”
“Yeah.” She pulls away and swipes at her nose. “I don’t even want to go to prom. It’s not right to celebrate anything—”
I glance over her shoulder and raise my eyebrows at Teller. Why isn’t he reassuring her better? Heidi’s already been through a lot for her age. She shouldn’t be taking this on too.
“Heidi, it’s okay. We’re doing everything we can for Rock. Your job is to finish school strong and do all your normal senior year stuff.”
She shakes her head sadly. “Do you think he’ll be out in time for my graduation?”
I have a hard time swallowing over the lump in my throat before answering. “I don’t know. I hope so.”
That grinds our conversation to a halt. After a minute, I nod at the papers. “What’s giving you trouble?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure if I should check off that I’m an orphan or something else? I think they want a death certificate…and I don’t—”
“Let me see.”
She hands over the pile of papers and I search through them. “Here, honey, I think this is the one you should probably fill out, The Emancipated Minor or Legal Guardianship Form. I can get you the guardianship papers if you don’t have them.” I look up at Teller. “They might need to verify your income, though.”
“That’s fine. I had to do all that shit for the court case anyway.”
“I can write you a letter to attach to that one, Heidi. Just remind me.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks, Hope.”
Murphy joins us while we’re flipping through the rest of the papers. “You guys look so serious.”
Heidi groans. “Financial aid forms.”
“Thought they passed out scholarships to smart kids?” He’s teasing her, but her forehead wrinkles and she rolls her eyes.
“I’m not that smart. And I still have to fill all this crap out,” she grumbles, be
fore turning back to me. “What do I put down for trust fund? I can’t touch any of it until I’m twenty-five.”
“My guess is, you still have to disclose it. Did it have an allowance for educational expenses?” I ask Teller.
“No clue.”
“I’ll talk to Adam about it.”
“Thanks.”
When she’s finished with one packet, she sets everything aside and sighs.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah, I only applied to Hudson Valley.”
“Why? There are so many schools in the area and with your grades—”
She makes a “duh” face at me.
“Heidi, you know I think Axel’s great. But don’t base this decision on your boyfriend.”
She doesn’t get as annoyed as I expected her to. “I’m not. They have the best program for what I want to do and a good job placement rate.”
“Okay.”
“Besides, he only has one more year. And Hudson Valley will be cheaper.”
“Heidi, you can go anywhere you want,” Murphy says.
She spares him a glance. “Thank you, Blake.” The tone of her voice isn’t thankful at all. Not sure what’s going on there. Nor do I really want to know. Teller throws a glance at his friend, then me.
What am I supposed to do about it?
“Marcel, we need to get going or I’ll be late.”
Teller shakes his head as he stands. “You ever gonna get your license?”
“Why should I when my big brother will drive me around?”
I remember at her age I couldn’t wait to get my license. “Why haven’t you gone for your road test yet, Heidi?”
I didn’t mean to embarrass her in front of the guys, but she ducks her head before answering my question. “I don’t know. It’s a lot of responsibility.”
“She’s scared,” Teller says.
“A dose of fear is good. But don’t let it rule you Heidi. You don’t want to depend on men to drive you around forever.” Teller and Murphy both chuckle at that.
The corner of her mouth lifts and she sneaks a peek up at me. Then, I get it. Once she’s able to drive herself, her brother won’t have to spend as much time with her. Clever kid. Wherever her mother is, she’s an idiot for missing out on this girl. I slide my chair back and pull Heidi in for a big hug before she leaves.
