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“Bullshit. Because I told you I wanted to give you time to figure things out?”
Alexa coughs and spits up all over him. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong, Heidi?”
He looks so panicked, I can’t even tell him he should have stopped to burp her. I should have been paying better attention. “No. She’s fine. It happens.”
I take her from him and clean her up, while he whips his shirt up and wipes himself off.
“Oh.” It’s hard to ignore the tingle in my girly bits at the sight of his bare chest, ink, and muscles. Wow. “It’s way too early for that,” I mutter, setting Alexa back in her crib.
“What?” He catches the appreciative way I’m staring at him and grins. “See something you like?”
“Good God, yes.” What’s wrong with me?
He grins even harder and steps up behind me. “I like that,” he whispers in my ear.
“What?”
“That you like looking at me.”
“I’ve been drooling over you since I was twelve. This isn’t news.”
“It is to me.” His arms wrap around me and he runs his nose over my cheek, barely touching me but leaving goosebumps anyway. “You’re sweet.”
“Yeah, it was your personality that made me love you but your hot bod that made me thank God we weren’t actually related.” It’s an overly silly thing to say. And it oversimplifies how I really feel about him, but he laughs, his chest rumbling against my back.
My hands open and close, remembering all the times he hurt me in the past. “I hated all those girls who had your attention.”
He stops laughing.
“Hated the things you did with them.”
“Did you hate me too?”
“No. I wanted to. But no. I loved you too much.”
“I never, ever wanted to hurt you,” he admits. His voice comes out so raw, I know he means every word.
“I know that now. Then, it hurt.”
“I’m sorry.” He kisses the top of my head. “You’re all I want.”
My stomach makes this inhuman rumbling noise and he rubs his hands over my belly. “Maybe I should feed you, and then we talk?”
“Okay.”
He pushes me toward the bed. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be here.”
The weight of Rock’s gaze settles on my shoulders before he even announces his presence. I turn away from the stove and find him leaning on the counter, arms over his chest.
“Bet you never expected to wake up and find me in your kitchen.”
He fights back a smile. “No. I didn’t.”
“Sorry.”
“Hope gave me a heads-up last night.”
“We didn’t—it wasn’t—”
“Simmer down. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“She passed out last night. I just stayed so we could talk this morning.”
He tilts his head, taking a glance down the hallway—I guess to see if Heidi will overhear our conversation. He’s definitely here for a reason. Might as well get it out in the open.
“What’s on your mind, prez?”
“Known both of you a long time.”
“Yeah. You’ve been—” He holds up a hand and I try not to laugh. I know how much he hates when any of us say he’s like a father to us.
“Anyway. Love both of you.”
“I know.”
“But you need to understand, it’s not only about her anymore. It’s about that baby girl, too.”
“I know that, prez. I can take care of them both. I’m—”
His mouth tips up in a smile. “If she lets you.”
“Well, yeah.”
“And if I’m gonna be finding you in my kitchen every morning, will you at least put on a shirt?”
I glance down. “Sorry. Alexa spit up on—”
“Take what you need out of the laundry room.” He nods down the hall.
“Thanks.”
“Oh my. How’d I get so lucky?” Hope’s soft, teasing voice snaps my head up. While she might have been cracking a joke about finding me half-dressed in her kitchen, her eyes are focused on her husband. He wraps her up in his arms and kisses the top of her head.
“Why you up, Baby Doll?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you need more time to terrorize Murphy?”
I burst out laughing and Rock gives her a squeeze.
“Morning.” The three of us turn. Heidi’s carrying Alexa, who starts giggling when she sees Hope. Heidi glances at me. “I thought you—”
“Sorry, Heidi-girl. I interrupted him,” Rock says smoothly, holding out his arms for Alexa. “Morning, baby.” Hope joins him in fussing over the baby, and Heidi shrugs at me. If I make a single grandparent joke, Hope will probably murder me, so I don’t.
“Miss me?” I ask Heidi, low so I’m not overheard. She nods and gives me a shy hip-bump. We fix breakfast for everyone together. When we’re done, Hope and Rock head downstairs.
“I’m afraid to ask what’s down there,” Heidi jokes.
“I don’t think you want to know. It’s one of those childhood-ruining moments you can’t un-know.”
Heidi laughs so hard, she has trouble catching her breath. I love making her laugh, but I haven’t forgotten about the talk we need to have.
“So, you want to tell me what last night was all about?”
She glances away. “Nothing.”
“Heidi.”
“You hurt my feelings. Lucas really is just a friend.”
“More than anything, I was worried about you,” I say gently. Part of me wants to point out she acted just as jealous when she saw me talking to that girl last night, but we already covered it in the bedroom, so I don’t bring it up again.
“I’m sorry. I should have called you.”
I know something else is bothering her, because Hope told me Heidi had a shitty day. “What happened yesterday?”
She squirms and gets up to clear the table, but I hook my finger in one of her belt loops and yank her closer. “Don’t ignore me.”
“I ran into my mother at the hospital.”
Holy shit. No one has seen or heard from that bitch in at least twelve years. “Seriously?”
“Yup.”
I don’t need to ask. If it had been some loving family reunion, Heidi would have come home in a much different mood yesterday. Instead, I pull her down onto my lap and wait for her to tell me what happened. “I’m here for you, beautiful.”
“I guess she’s remarried. She was visiting him. It was awful, weird, and awkward, like she didn’t feel bad or guilty or even care.”
I hug her a little tighter and see if she wants to continue.
“Why did I even bother? What did I think would happen? We’d have some sappy TV movie reunion where she’d beg me to forgive her?”
“She’s your mother.”
“Please. Hope’s more of a mother to me than Helga ever was. I hate myself for even bothering. I tried telling her about Alexa, Marcel, her mother dying…she didn’t care about any of it.”
“You have so many people who love you. It doesn’t matter.”
“I know. I know it. I knew it when I opened my big, stupid mouth.”
“Please don’t do this to yourself. You’re so sweet and full of love. Why wouldn’t you expect your mother to be, too? It’s not your fault.”
She tips her head up but doesn’t look at me. “Should I even tell my brother?”
The only thing that will upset Marcel is that Heidi was hurt. He gave up on his mother a long time ago. “Yes, but maybe wait until you’re not so upset.”
She turns and stares at me. Then, she kisses my cheek. Soft and sweet. So perfectly Heidi.
“Thank you, Blake.”
“I was worried about you.”
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to get home.” She ducks her head. “I wanted to see you and hold Alexa.”
For a second, I can’t say anything. My throat’s too
tight. “Then I acted like a jealous jerk?”
“Yeah, and I was too frazzled to deal with it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.” She presses her forehead to mine and I tip her head back to kiss her. She shakes out of my hold. “What are we?”
“Did you ignore everything I said before?”
“No.”
I grasp her hip with one hand, keeping her in place. “You’re mine. I’m yours. End of story. Boom—there it is. Is that better?”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not. I’m explaining where we are.”
“How are we…? After everything? If I hadn’t been so stubborn. We should have—”
I sense what she’s about to say and stop her. It’s bad enough she has these thoughts. If she voices them? It will give her something else to feel guilty about later.
“Hey, then you wouldn’t have that beautiful baby girl.”
She blinks at me.
“Any waiting was worth it to have her. Yeah?”
She nods.
“No more guilty what-ifs. It’s time to focus on the road ahead of us, not behind.”
“Okay.”
“I’m here for you. Whatever you need, whenever you’re ready. You know where to find me.”
I can’t sleep. All day my conversation with Blake has replayed in my head. Over and over until it’s a heavy feeling lingering in my chest.
It’s still hours from sunrise and I’m restless. I get up and check on Alexa, because that’s what I do when I can’t sleep. Sit, watch her, and hope I’m making the right decisions for her.
Memories of how much I resented my mother every time she got involved with a new man won’t stop haunting me.
But, I’m not my mother. And Blake isn’t some random dude I picked up in a bar.
He broke younger Heidi’s heart many times. But that’s all childish and rather insignificant compared to what I’ve been through since then. I mean, boo-hoo, the boy I had a crush on when I was twelve had some girlfriends. Big deal.
He’s the same guy who made sure I was never alone on my birthdays. Who went out of his way to make me feel special. He’s the man who’s here for me now, helping me take care of a child that isn’t his, without me even asking.
The tightness in my chest still won’t go away.
Blake said I could always call him.
I send a text instead.
Are you up?
What’s wrong?
Everything. Nothing. I can’t sleep. I miss him.
I need you.
I didn’t mean to send that. But it’s out now.
Checking on Alexa one more time, I grab her baby monitor, my phone, and a sweatshirt. Outside, the moon shines through the trees. Bright enough to make out my surroundings. I drop down onto the first step and wait.
A few minutes later, crunching leaves and breaking branches tell me Blake’s almost here. Either that or I’m about to be eaten by a bear. My heart kicks up, confident it’s Blake.
“Heidi, what’s wrong?” he calls out in a harsh whisper.
Leaving everything on the porch, I hop down the stairs and run to him, almost knocking him over.
“Whoa, what’s the matter?”
No matter how much I want to, I won’t cry. “I missed you. I’m sorry. I love you.”
His arms tighten around me, and he moves us so we’re up against the side of the house, covered by shadows.
“Say it again.”
“Which part?”
Instead of answering me, he lowers his head. I’m not sure what I expect, but I love the way his lips touch mine. Soft at first, but not hesitant. Sweet and hot. He licks my lower lip and presses his mouth against mine harder.
I pull away and continue as if he hadn’t interrupted me. “I’ve always loved you. But this…this is different.”
A slow smile spreads over his face. “How?”
“Bigger. More. I don’t know. Harder.”
“It’s real.” He traces a finger over my cheek.
Yes. It’s not a crush. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t feel one-sided. I want to make him happy as much as I want him to make me happy. I don’t want to hurt him anymore and I trust him not to hurt me.
“What happened?” he asks.
“Nothing. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I mean, I’m always thinking about you, but I needed to see you. I’m sorry it’s so late.”
“Heidi, you can see me whenever you want,” he says in a solemn, raspy voice.
“What if I want to see you all the time?”
He yanks me tighter against him, a happy manly-growly noise works out of his throat, and he leans down to kiss my cheek and whisper in my ear, “That’s what I’ve been waiting for.”
He’s so riled up and I love it. His hands are everywhere, at my hips, trailing up the sides of my body, over my shoulders, gently touching my face. A little less gentle as his lips find mine again. His tongue brushes against mine. It’s a kiss infused with longing and love.
As if I can’t tell how much he wants me from his kisses, he slips one hand under my sweatshirt, stroking my skin but not moving higher. He pushes his hips forward, and he’s so hard against me. If I wiggle a little bit—
“Heidi?”
“Yes?”
“Is this what you want?”
“I want you.”
“Are you sure you’re ready?” The sweet concern laced in his words intensifies my need.
“Yes.”
His hand disappears from my skin and he backs away. “This shouldn’t be here.”
“What? Why’d you stop? Keep kissing me.”
“Heidi, I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you. But it should be special.”
I can’t help the smile that spreads over my face. “Single-mother-sex doesn’t get to be special. It has to be fast.” I rush to add, “From what I hear.”
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “You’re everything. And our first time should be special.”
I roll my lip, sinking my teeth in while I consider his words. “When?”
“Now.”
“It’s the middle of the night.”
His teasing smile relaxes me. “I’ll ask Hope in the morning if she minds watching Alexa over the weekend. But, I can’t pawn Alexa off on her whenever—”
“Hey.” His hand brushes against my face again. “I’m not asking you to.”
“I don’t want to be my mother. Dumping my kid somewhere so I can go get laid.”
“Heidi. You’re nothing like your mother at all.”
Something still stops me.
“Next time, we’ll take Alexa with us. Family trip. I promise.”
My breath catches. I blink a few times, unable to form any words. “Next time?” I finally say.
He wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me up and nuzzling my neck. “Yeah, next time. I want to take lots and lots of trips together.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek. “I’d love that.”
Reluctantly, he lets me slide down his body until my toes touch the ground. “It might be time for me to find my own place. I’ve probably way overextended my stay at Casa North.”
Blake snorts. “I doubt it. But yeah, we’ll talk about it.”
“Talk about what?”
“Our living arrangements.”
“Our?”
“Yes, our. You think I’m letting my girls move somewhere alone, you’re nuts.”
I suppose some women might be offended by a bunch of the words in that sentence. Not me. All I heard was him referring to my daughter and me as “his girls.”
“Okay,” I answer. “We can talk about it.”
A relieved smile brightens his serious face, as if he’d been expecting me to argue. But I’m done fussing over stupid things. I’ve wasted enough time being stubborn and childish.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask.
“That’s not a good idea.”
&nb
sp; We’re entering a new part of our relationship. One where I feel comfortable pressing my hand against the front of his pants, rubbing firm strokes over the hardness underneath. He sucks in a hiss of air. “Don’t.”
“But—”
“If you keep it up, I’m going to pin you to the wall and fuck you hard and fast, and that’s not what I want for our first time.”
“What about what I want?”
He cocks his head to the side. “What do you want?”
I think over his words. About our first time being special. We have our whole lives for down-and-dirty-in-the-woods sex.
“I don’t want mosquito bites on my butt.”
Laughter rumbles out of him and he shifts away from my touch. “Call me as soon as you talk to Hope.”
You’d think that lengthy conversation about the logistics of doing it would be a boner-killer. You’d be wrong. Nope. My dick’s so hard I can barely walk back to the clubhouse.
I don’t know where to take her. I’m a little frantic because one, I can’t remember the last time I went this long without sex, and two, I can’t remember ever wanting anyone more.
After a little research, I catch a few hours of sleep. First thing in the morning, I place a call to a lodge in the Adirondacks that looks nice. More upscale than either of us are probably used to, but Heidi deserves the best. They even have the room I want available for two nights. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to stay the second night, but I book it anyway.
I hate imposing on Hope, too, but I think she’ll understand.
As I’m finishing the reservations and having a few extras added to the room, Heidi texts me.
Good to go. When do you want to leave?
I fire back: Now.
Like, right the fuck now.
I run around my room like a crazed man throwing stuff in a bag, grab one very important piece of paper, shove it in my pocket and I’m ready to go.
My hand’s on the railing, and I’m about to head downstairs, when I realize I need to check in with Teller. Not to inform him I’m finally going to bang his sister—I’m not that crass. I just want to let him know I’ll be gone for a few days.
I slip my phone out and tap out another text to Heidi.
Give me a few minutes.
I knock before pushing open the door.
“I didn’t say come in,” he bitches when he sees me.
