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CHAPTER NINE
‘NO, I wouldn’t have,’ Jake repeated harshly. ‘And when I do buy Lower Ridge, the money should go to Maxwell. He bought it for you.’
‘Good God!’ Kitty gasped. ‘I didn’t realise I was dealing with Stone Age man. You really do want the original barefoot bride, don’t you?’
He attempted to put his arms around her, but she pulled violently away.
‘Are you going to calm down?’
‘Not in the immediate future,’ she snapped truthfully.
‘Then I’ll turn into the surgery now and relieve Drew from holding the fort on his own.’
Beneath her incredulous scrutiny, he swept up his car keys. ‘Do you know what’s wrong with you? You’ve turned into one spoiled little madam. Whether you like it or not, I have commitments that extend beyond you and I can’t always be here because you want me to be,’ he drawled as if he were addressing a child in a temper tantrum.
Kitty was mutinously silent, impotently aware that her own secrecy had sent her up the creek without a paddle. Furthermore, if he didn’t want a rich wife that was just too bad, he was getting one. All right, she would eventually have to tell him that Grant was her father, and she would have to tell him about the estate. There had to be a subtle method of breaking that last piece of news. Stunning him with a complete surprise package now seemed a very childish idea. He would be shattered, he might even be angry. But not for long, surely not for long?
Tina was trying to lug an attaché case up the stairs. ‘I s’ought I should help,’ she confided anxiously. ‘Daddy slammed the front door. He must be tired.’
Jessie peered up at Kitty’s flushed face from the hall below. ‘He wasn’t tired this morning,’ she remarked flatly.
Kitty finished unpacking with Tina at her heels. When she went downstairs Jessie dealt her a weary glance. ‘Are you ready to try on this dress. I’ve got to get it pressed.’
The older woman took her time over the final fitting, ignoring Kitty’s strained mouth and drooping shoulders. When she had finished she shook her head reprovingly, effectively making Kitty feel about five years old again. ‘I don’t know why the two of you get on like that. It’s not making you happy, is it?’ she completed in a serves-you-right tone.
Merrill arrived at teatime to pick up Tina and Jessie went home. Kitty flicked through a magazine, tried to settle to the television and failed and ended up wandering aimlessly round the house. A line of family photographs in Sophie’s formal drawing-room caught her attention. She studied them closely but neither Tina nor her mother featured.
Upstairs she picked up a shirt lying in Jake’s room, and as her fingers creased the fabric the husky scent of his body drifted into her nostrils. She hugged the shirt, tears in her eyes, awash with emotion. She loved him, she loved him so much, and she wasn’t prepared to do or say anything that might prevent their wedding taking place tomorrow.
In Tina’s room she found what she had been most afraid to find—a silver-framed photograph on the dressing-table. It had to be Liz. A youthfully pretty female with dark blue eyes and pale blonde hair that didn’t look quite natural. She had a short upper lip that gave her a rather sulky pout even smiling.
‘Kitty!’ Startled, she hastily replaced the photo-frame and hurried out on to the landing.
Jake was halfway up the stairs. ‘I couldn’t see a single light on at the front of the house!’ The way he threw it at her, the omission was an offence.
Perception leapt through her as she encountered the charged onslaught of dark, intent eyes. You thought I’d gone. And you panicked. For a split second his capacity to shield his thoughts from her was paper-thin. The hand he had braced tautly on the wall dropped down to thrust into the pocket of his trousers. His veiled gaze ran slowly and very carefully over her. He breathed out and quirked a brow. ‘Did you wait up for me?’
‘It is only ten.’ She paused. ‘Jessie left some supper for you.’
‘I’ve already eaten. Would you like a drink?’ he enquired silkily. ‘It might settle your nerves.’
‘There’s nothing the matter with my nerves,’ she replied waspishly, and as quickly wished the tart words unspoken. But Liz had a face now inside her head. She was not so easy to forget.
Strong arms linked round her from behind. ‘You’re like a cat on hot bricks,’ he contradicted gently.
‘I don’t like arguments,’ she said tightly.
‘I agree. Sane and civilised people sit down and discuss things,’ he murmured with level emphasis.
Pink stained her cheekbones. Finding his attention trained on her as if he could feel the troubled tenor of her thoughts, she went round the lounge switching on all the lamps when one would have done. ‘I should have been more understanding about the hours you work,’ she conceded very quietly.
Jake uncapped the brandy decanter on the polished sofa table and poured two measures. ‘That wasn’t the bone of contention. I don’t want anything Maxwell gave you in our lives and that includes the monetary value of anything you want to sell that he bought you. I don’t see anything unreasonable in that,’ he asserted with utter calm.
Kitty bent her head and clenched her teeth on an impulsive reply.
‘Aside of that, you did make a very good point. Marriage is about sharing.’ He passed her a glass. ‘And there’s absolutely nothing else that I don’t want to share.’
‘Was it like that with you and Liz?’ she demanded abruptly.
He met her accusing gaze steadily. ‘No, it wasn’t.’
The silence lay. He added nothing more. His dark eyes were shuttered. He stared moodily into the fire. Kitty took a deep breath and broached the subject from another angle. ‘Tell me, would you have taken her back if she hadn’t been killed in that crash?’
‘I don’t know. I would have had to consider Tina, and Liz would have been quite capable of using her as a weapon,’ he said grimly. ‘Then I felt that the whole damned mess was my fault.’
‘Why? Were you unfaithful as well?’
‘No!’ He thrust long fingers through his black hair in a gesture of raw frustration. ‘I really don’t want to discuss Liz with you at this moment. There are reasons…’
She didn’t hear him. She was discovering that she could love him with a kind of mad, defiant desperation but that love didn’t melt the hard little core of bitterness inside her. To generously forgive and forget was something she had still to learn how to do. How many men would even consider taking back an unfaithful wife, who had lived openly with her lover? Jake’s generosity to Liz had been boundless. Kitty couldn’t forget the agonies she had had to suffer alone—and all for what? For a woman he hadn’t loved? A woman who no more than three years into their marriage had gone to bed with another man?
Really all along she had known the truth for herself, she registered in sick turmoil. Like a trusting child she had wanted to believe that he could ease that old bitter pain with some magic formula, but he had nothing new to tell her, nothing that she didn’t already know. What fantasy castles had she built in the air? The truth was there before her as it had alw
ays been and she had to live with it.
Eight years ago he had struggled to be as honest with her as he had dared, but there really wasn’t a kind way to tell a girl in love with you that you would be ashamed to take her out in public, that when other people entered the picture she would be an embarrassment. The wrong accent, the wrong clothes, the wrong background. Kitty was painfully conscious now of just how vast the gulf had been between them when she was a teenager. Aware of his scrutiny, she lifted her head. ‘Does Tina have any relatives on her mother’s side?’
‘None. Liz’s parents died before I met her. I’m expecting you to take on a ready-made family,’ he said tautly. ‘I realise that I’m asking a lot.’
Her lashes lowered. ‘She’s a very affectionate child. She won’t be hard to love. Why doesn’t your mother get on with her?’
‘Sophie looks at Tina and sees Liz,’ Jake proffered grimly. ‘Liz’s departure caused a lot of talk locally and Sophie has never forgotten that.’
‘Not all women like children,’ Kitty remarked.
He smiled at her, that beautiful blazing smile of his. ‘I’d like us to have a child some time.’
Pallor spread over her locked facial muscles.
As he stared at her, his mouth compressed, his dark eyes shuttering. ‘Or some time never,’ he rephrased flatly. ‘Since the idea appears to fill you with such horror.’
Regret and pain threatened to suffocate her in the silence. Once he had not even wanted to give her child a chance to be born. She didn’t want to remember that, but it was one of those horrible, inescapable realities. And at that moment, it made her hate him as violently as she could love him.
‘I’m afraid I don’t want children,’ she muttered jerkily and bent her head, exposing the vulnerable nape of her neck. ‘And if things didn’t work out between us, it will be better that way.’
‘As a thought before the wedding, I find that pretty damned depressing,’ he slashed back at her.
‘I’m going to bed!’ Leaping to her feet in one sudden motion, she brushed past him before he could glimpse the tears in her eyes.
