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And a little voice in her whispered he wasn’t going to reject her.
That same little voice whispered that she had hurt him by doubting him.
Charity knew that lack of confidence wasn’t her only weakness. She was also proud. Having grown up in such humble circumstances, she was overly sensitive to slights. But Quinn had never slighted her. Quinn had never been anything but lovely.
She was nervous as she pulled into the lot, parking amidst the other half dozen vehicles.
The barn blazed with light. Fire crackled in the fire pit. Festive Christmas carols filled the frigid night air.
It took her a while to find Quinn, finally spotting him in a thicket of trees, twisting and turning a tree for a couple trying to make up their mind.
She stood back and watched him. He was smiling and joking with the couple, and so very patient as they asked him to turn the tree around again.
She felt a pang as he laughed at something the woman said because she had missed his laugh, and she had missed his smile.
She missed him.
Charity went to the barn for a cup of hot cocoa to wait for the crowd to thin so she could approach Quinn. She was in the barn studying the ornaments when Quinn and Noel walked in. Noel dashed up to her and Quinn followed more slowly.
She gave the dog a pat and then smiled nervously at Quinn. “Hi,” she said.
“Noel didn’t realize you were here,” Quinn said.
“That’s okay,” she said, suddenly thinking this might not have been a good idea. Quinn didn’t look happy to see her.
“It’s pretty busy out there,” he added.
“I saw that. Go do what you have to do. I’m happy to wait.”
His eyebrow lifted.
She gave him another smile, even less steady than the one before. “Unless you don’t want me to?”
“You’re here for Noel.”
“And you,” she answered, swallowing hard. “Mostly you.” She drew a quick breath. “Actually 99% you.”
“I thought you were very attached to the dog.”
“I am.” Her heart was thumping hard. Her stomach did flips. “But I’m more attached to you. A lot more,” she added with emphasis.
“Hmmm.”
She gestured around the barn interior. “So I’ll just be here browsing and drinking cocoa until you have time to chat.”
“It might be a while.”
“That’s okay.”
He returned twenty minutes later. “It’s slowing down,” he said, taking a seat on the bench inside the barn. “So, let’s talk while we can.”
“I’m sorry,” she said bluntly, certain they’d be interrupted any minute. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you and sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m just sorry for not being a better… friend.”
“What changed your mind?” he asked.
She noticed that his easy smile was gone and his expression was guarded. The Quinn she’d met at Little Teton Resort seemed to have disappeared. Had she done that to him? To them? Her heart ached a little more. “Lots of things. Including a lot of people trying to talk sense into me.”
“Like who?”
“Amanda. McKenna. Tyler. Greg.”
“Greg?”
“I know. It was weird.”
“I guess it does take a village.”
She shot him a glance from beneath her lashes. “The point is, they all essentially said the same thing. That if I cared for you, then I needed to fight for you.”
“So this is it? Your battle plan? You are right now fighting for me?”
“You don’t need to sound scornful. I’m here and that’s a big first step.”
“I’m not scornful. We both know that you’re really here for the dog.”
“Why do you keep saying that? I’m not. I’m here because I’ve missed you. Terribly.”
Her eyes stung and her throat thickened. “I’m crazy about you, Quinn. I want so many things with you that it scares the heck out of me. And the fact that you know all the bad things about me doesn’t help me feel more secure. I told you everything in Wyoming. I told you I was a coward and insecure, but you either didn’t listen or didn’t believe me, which is maybe why we’re in this situation now.”
“So it’s my fault?”
She started to protest when she realized he just might be teasing her. Her anger dissipated. “Quinn, I really am sorry. I wish I hadn’t been so rattled by meeting Alice—”
“Listen, Alice scares even me. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when she arrived at my house. I would have dealt with her in a way that reassured you she isn’t a threat. She was part of my past, Charity, but she’s not part of my future.”
“Your life in Seattle makes me nervous.”
“I know that.”
“And you’re really good-looking and I’m sure women are all over you.”
“They like me,” he agreed.
“So this makes you… scary.”
“I’m scary?”
She wrinkled her nose. “No, you’re not scary. My feelings are, though.”
“Why?”
“Because I really, really like you. And I really, really don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’ll go back to Seattle soon.”
“Not soon, but eventually, yes.”
The weight in her chest was back. “And then you’d forget me. Not intentionally, of course—”
“Hard to forget you, sweetheart, if you’re in Seattle with me.”
Her heart skipped and her eyes widened and she couldn’t find words, because going to Seattle had never truly crossed her mind. She hadn’t allowed herself to go there. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Good. Because, honestly, I don’t want to discuss Seattle or baseball or any of that right now, because that’s all down the road, and all of that won’t matter if we’re not good now.” He reached out to her, hand up. “Come here, sit with me.”
She let herself be pulled down onto his leg. His arms went around her, and for a moment she sat there, in the circle of his arms.
She could tell there was more on his mind, and she was reminded of what Alice had said. That he projected to people what he thought they wanted, and needed, from him. Was that true? Was Quinn not himself with her?
She covered his hands with one of hers. “Alice said—” She broke off, hating herself for mentioning Alice but needing to understand. “She said you’re better in Seattle. That in Seattle you can escape the pain of this place. Is that true? Is it hard for you being here?”
He c
aught her fingers between two of his. “It can be.”
She drew a breath and exhaled, feeling a strong pinch in her chest, near her ribs. “Do you feel like you can’t be yourself when you’re here?”
He didn’t answer right away, and then when he did, he spoke carefully. “I don’t want people worrying about me. They did enough of that when I was a boy. When I come back, I want people to be happy. It’s important the people I care about are happy. Life is short. Love matters. Happiness matters.”
The pinch in her chest seemed to grow and rise, pushing up into her throat and jaw, all the way to her eyes. She blinked, holding back tears. “I’ve been a bad friend to you,” she whispered. “I forgot about us being a team. I was just thinking about me.”
He squeezed her fingers. “It happens.”
“You shouldn’t have to carry the team, though.”
His arms wrapped tighter, drawing her closer. His cheek grazed the top of her head. “It’s what I do best, babe.”
For some reason that nearly undid her. She struggled to keep her voice steady, “But wouldn’t it be nice to know that I could carry the team if I had to?”
“I already know you can. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.” He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re here, aren’t you?”
She didn’t answer, just so very happy to sit there in the warmth of his arms. She’d missed this, being with him, feeling safe, and secure. “I need you to know something,” she said after a moment. “That no matter what happens with us—”
“Don’t say that.”
She turned in his arms to look up into his face. “No matter what happens, you should know that I love you.” Her lips quivered and she nodded, holding in emotion that threatened to burst free. “You are one of the best people I’ve ever known, and I’m just lucky to have met you.”
“It’s not luck, sweetheart,” he answered. “It’s fate.”
“Fate?”
“Yep.” He kissed the tip of her nose and then her lips. “You were meant to be with me.”
Chapter Twelve
In the end, there was no time to make herself a spectacular dress, not when Sam needed her to work late Friday and then Quinn was slammed at the tree farm and texted her that they could use her at the cash register in the barn if she didn’t mind helping, and of course, she didn’t mind helping.
