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“Great.”
“This is the kind of attention you want.”
I just smile.
“So how’s the cosmetic surgery feature going?” he asks.
“First interview’s today. Susie’s coming in here. We’re using This Morning’s set for the interview so it looks cozy.”
“Good. And keep up the good work.”
I report to makeup forty-five minutes before I’m due to meet Susie.
As I sit in the makeup chair and Vanessa clucks over my tired, stressed face, I wonder what will happen when the rise in numbers starts to fall. Because they will fall. Maybe not plummet, but at the first drop, will everyone panic again? Will Shelby become overnight co-anchor?
I wish I liked Shelby better. Maybe I wouldn’t resent her success quite so much if she cared about the news, but Shelby isn’t interested in news, she’s interested in ratings and fame. She’s interested in my job. Maybe more interested than I’ve been lately.
Vanessa mists my face and wipes off old makeup to prepare for the new, and I find myself wondering if I’d feel differently about being at this crossroads in my career if I had more, like a husband and children. Would I be more or less satisfied with my success? Would the drop in ratings feel different?
Success is so bittersweet. The more you achieve, the more you expect yourself to achieve, so that the quest to do more, be better, and reach higher never ends.
As Vanessa preps my face for the spray-on foundation, she tells me the big bosses stopped by to chat with her. “That was a first,” she adds. “But then they were talking to quite a few of us today.”
My eyes are closed and my lips shut so she can get an even spray, but I make a sound in the back of my throat so she knows I’m interested in hearing more.
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way,” Vanessa adds as the cool makeup hits my face. She sprays in small, even circles from my brow down to my collarbone. “But they were talking to the lighting guys about redoing your lights to try to take some years off. Apparently new research shows you’re skewing older and they don’t want to lose the key, younger audience.”
The spray goes off. I wait a moment for Vanessa to inspect the work before I open my eyes. “What did they say to you?” I ask her.
She shrugs uncomfortably. “Nothing much.”
“Come on, Vanessa. We’ve worked together too long. Tell me the truth.”
“They wanted to know how I liked working with Shelby.”
I clench my teeth together, livid all over again. I have worked so hard and my numbers are finally up, and the studio heads are noticing, and yet it’s not enough. They still want me younger. Hell, I’d like to be younger, but I’m not. I am who I am and I’m just beginning to realize that America Tonight could hit number one but that won’t satisfy the network heads. They want me to get the work done. This is more than ratings. This is about image, and youth, and the fact that I am— like every human being— aging.
Vanessa begins applying glue to the delicate strip of black false eyelashes. “I told them she was fine,” she adds briskly. “But I like you better.” When I open my mouth, she holds up a finger. “Don’t say anything. Just don’t cry. I’ll kill you if I have to take off the foundation and start over.”
I manage a smile and begin mentally reviewing my notes for Susie’s interview.
Susie’s cosmetic surgery was to address her breasts, which were different sizes. Her right breast was a C cup and her left breast not even an A. She’d spent thirteen years trying to hide the fact that her breasts were so very lopsided. She didn’t swim, wouldn’t go to the gym, wouldn’t wear snug clothes. Her whole life revolved around hiding something she had no control over.
Hair and face camera ready, I head to the stage to greet Susie. She ends up being an easy interview. The words tumble from her. Her embarrassment, her shame, her inability to date or let any man close. The feeling that everyone stared at her, or worse, laughed at her. The difficulty buying proper bras, having to fill one cup with everything from tissue to foam to silicone pads.
“The surgery changed all that,” she says, pausing for breath. Her cheeks are flushed, but she’s not ashamed, she’s happy. “I’m not afraid to meet people anymore. I’m going to Cabo for Christmas, and I’ve never been to a beach resort before. I wouldn’t do a trip like that before the surgery. But now I feel like I have a whole new life. I can do anything.” Her blush deepens. “I’m even dating a really nice man and it’s getting serious.”
“Does he know about your surgery?” I ask.
Her blush extends to her hairline, but she’s smiling broadly. “He knows. He didn’t until I told him. But he says I have a great body. He says I’m hot.” Susie’s smile turns shy. “No one has ever said that to me before.”
She’s thirty-two going on eighteen. It’s as though she’s just discovered life. I wish I could embrace plastic surgery the way Susie has. Her work has made her hopeful and eager, innocent and new. But her surgery was to correct a wrong. My surgery would be to roll back time. It would be an end, not a beginning, because once I start down this slippery slope, where do I stop? Where do the tweaks and fixes and lifts end?
It’s not just the cutting and stitching, either, it’s the mind-set, the attitude. I will have caved to the pressure, caved to conformity. But I don’t want to cave. I can’t cave. Because honestly, no one can fake youth and beauty forever.
We wrap up the interview and I return to my office to check in with Madison, who was trying to reschedule a lunch date I’d made weeks ago that won’t work now thanks to a reshuffling of some of the celebrity holiday stories.
I stop at Madison’s desk. “Lucy Liu’s holiday segment is today. Where am I meeting her?”
She makes a sad face. “Her publicist had to cancel.”
“Again?”
“It’s a nasty bug. Her publicist assures us we wouldn’t want it.”
I close the door to my office and sit at my desk and tap my keyboard, waking my computer from sleep mode and clicking on my in-box. My in-box has thirty-one new e-mails; many are holiday greetings and e-vite reminders for holiday parties, plus an e-mail from Shey thanking me for a great weekend, and then a follow-up from the Tucson group that wants me to join them in February for their fund-raiser. They’re hoping I can confirm my attendance soon. Madison got me info on the event.
I flip through my calendar, note a rather light February, and type a response: “I’m delighted to join you, please send me details when possible.”
I’m hitting send when there’s a light rap on the door and Madison pops her head in. “Do you want a latte? I’m making a Starbucks run.”
I shake my head. “I’m good. I’m just going to work until I leave for the Mario López segment. Then I’ll return to tape the show.”
Mario is so easy to talk to that I arrive back at HBC in record time, which is a good thing since Libby had forgotten to tell me she’d bumped Helene’s interview from noon to eleven.
Helene, the second of my cosmetic surgery features, is an attractive, bright brunette, a mix of Greek, Dutch, and Italian heritage, and her story moved me before I even saw her photos.
Despite her college degree and strong oral and written communication skills, Helene had struggled to find a job. She finally landed a bookkeeping position even though math wasn’t her forte, and she kept the books for a small construction company in Apple Valley. Although she hadn’t been hired for public relations or sales, she made numerous suggestions to the company’s VP of marketing, ideas that were used and ended up greatly benefiting the company. When a position in sales and customer service opened, a position that paid ten thousand a year more than she was getting,
she applied for it, thinking she would be a great fit. Instead they hired a young recent college grad with no job experience. Helene was devastated. When she asked why she’d been passed over for the position, one she knew she was more than qualified to do, the VP had said, “Juliet’s personality makes her better suited to the job.”
It was then that I looked at Helene’s before photos. The pictures reveal a somber, dark-eyed brunette with big eyes, long black eyelashes, a humped nose, and no chin. The lack of chin made her face look top-heavy and contributed to the appearance of an overbite.
I can see how someone might form an opinion that she wasn’t socially adept based on the photo. Worse, she doesn’t appear bright or confident. Much has been documented on how quickly we form opinions, and we form these opinions in a split second or less. We use appearances and impressions, and in the blink of an eye we might judge someone attractive, confident, intelligent, successful, or plain, slow, mean-spirited, humorless.
I haven’t seen Helene’s after photos. Instead I’m going to just meet her live, and I’m looking forward to this interview.
I pop into makeup and then I’m on the set getting miked when Libby walks Helene onto the stage. Helene greets me with a smile and outstretched hand, and she radiates energy and warmth. Her brown eyes sparkle and her handshake is firm. “It’s very nice to meet you,” she says earnestly.
“Thank you for agreeing to be part of the story,” I answer, amazed that this is the same woman from the photo. She’s actually quite striking, and I start our interview with the question uppermost in my mind: “Are you still with the same company, or do you have a better job?”
“I have a better job.”
