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“I’m serious,” I snapped, somehow annoyed at the mild response even though that was supposedly what I’d wanted. “You need a young heart for love. One without scars and marks. Mine isn’t young anymore. Not by a long shot.” My voice hitched ever so slightly. “I’m not a person who can love now. You need to understand that moving forward, if we’re going to be public with this. It can work for however long it works. But that’s what this is. This is something that’s always going to be this. I’m not going to fall in love with you.”
He was quiet for a long time. Or what seemed like a long time for us. Seconds yawned into hours when conversations like this happened with Kace. When I let him through the cracks, letting him brush past all my broken pieces.
“I’m not arguing, babe,” he tilted his head to the side.
“You’re not?”
He shook his head. “We don’t really have time to argue about this kind of shit when someone’s trying to cause you harm. That’s my focus right now. You can feel however you wanna feel. It’s my goal to make sure that you’re alive to feel it. I’m going hunting. First thing tomorrow.”
Something moved in my chest. Something cold and painful. “You’re not going hunting,” I exclaimed.
“Someone’s fuckin’ with you. Right now, we don’t know who they are, what their intentions are. What we do know is that they’ve entered your house. Where you sleep, where your children sleep. So I don’t give a fuck what their intentions are. All I care about is making sure they forget your name at the least. Ideally that they forget to breathe.”
I wasn’t really focusing on his promises of death and murder. I was used to such things. In fact, I expected them. That was the way of this life. It was hard at first. To see death and violence used as currency. Giving us things and taking them away. Having violence be the first reaction. Retaliation. But like with everything else, I got used to it. Surrounded by enough of things, even the most horrible of things, they become normal. Beyond that, I wanted blood. Kace was right, whoever this was knew where I lived. Knew my routines. Knew about my kids. My conscience could handle this person being dealt with if it meant my children weren’t in danger.
So none of that bothered me.
What needed further discussion was the first part.
“Old Lady?” I repeated. There was no hiding from it now.
Some of that alpha male fury left Kace’s face. “Yeah, babe. In case you haven’t noticed, we sleep together every night. We’re no longer a secret. I have breakfast with your kids. I love your kids. You’re on the back of my bike. Know you’ve been in this life long enough to know what that means. Also know that you’ve only been in this life belonging to someone else. Expecting to be theirs forever. So I know it fucks you up to hear me call you that. Know you got one hundred and one things to say about it too. All of them arguments. I hear them. I get you. I know you. If you don’t want me to be your Old Man, I get it. But you are my Old Lady. So I’m going hunting. Now, I’m gonna let you sit out here. Stew. But not for long. I’ll be in bed waiting for you.”
He kissed me hard on the lips before turning and walking away, leaving no room for arguments.We attended our first club party together as a couple.
It was damn near impossible to hide it after the snake incident. And I didn’t want to hide anymore. There was no point, really. Not with the kids knowing. I didn’t want to create any kind of emotional bullshit with them, thinking they had to keep secrets about relationships. Didn’t want to teach them that loss meant your life ended and that happiness wasn’t possible.
At the same time, I didn’t want them to think that their father was forgotten or that he hadn’t meant the world to me. It was a thin fucking tightrope to walk, but that was life. That was motherhood.
I’d never been comfortable with PDA, plus I still wasn’t uncomfortable in this new skin. With old memories merging always into the present. Ranger’s ghost lurking. It felt strange but not wrong.
No one treated us like it was wrong, of course. There were plenty of grins. The men seemed to be happy about the pairing, but I was sure there were also warnings of death and dismemberment should Kace fuck with me. A punishment that he’d surely been well aware of before he’d started up with me.
The beers I’d drank before leaving home helped with my feelings of unease. Then the margaritas Amy made. Kace had one beer then switched to soda, since we were with the kids. He encouraged me to have fun. It was jarring, to be part of a couple again. A team. Where one could get a little tipsy knowing the other was sober enough to deal with any kind of scrapes or emergencies with the children, able to drive everyone home.
