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Kace made a choking sound, as I said that just as he’d taken a pull of his beer. He coughed and thumped on his chest before recovering. “Well, that’s certainly one way of putting it. A little jaded.”
I gave him a look. “Honey, I’m forty and already a widow with two kids and some unknown person trying to kill me. I think I’m entitled if not required to be a little jaded.”
“I can’t disagree with you there,” he replied, stepping forward. My stomach dipped at his closeness. At the glint in his eyes. Something that I’d seen in passing since we’d been spending time together but not something he’d ever kept on his attractive face for long. Likely because he didn’t want to push me, was being respectful or whatever. It looked like he had decided that he no longer wanted to be respectful.
I definitely wasn’t mad about that, but I was terrified.
“But,” he continued advancing. “There’s one thing that comes out of romantic entanglements...”
My back found the wall as I realized I’d been retreating.
“Orgasms,” he whispered, mouth inches from mine. His hands settled on my hips, firm, burning through skin and bone to the core of me. “And I happen to be excellent at giving them.”The one place that Kace didn’t come with me to were the dinners with Evie. I wasn’t ready for that yet. That was something that was mine. Mine and the kids. I still needed that time with her. Still needed to talk to her about all of this shit.
I sensed she still needed it too. No matter how hard and strong she seemed on the outside, she was still a woman who’d lost the love of her life, who’d had to adjust to an entirely different life. There was pain there.
Misery.
And misery did love company.
“Do you blame them?” I asked her, watching the sun set. “The club? The life, for taking Steg?”
Evie chuckled. “Blame the club? No. Nothing took Steg but his choices. And my own. Made that same choice you did when Ranger got the patch. Was plenty young, but not stupid. I knew what I was getting myself into. Was fairly sure that I wouldn’t get to grow old with my husband. I’m surprised we got the years we did. That he got to meet his grandchildren, got at least a taste of being an Old Man.” She looked to me. “Do you blame the club?”
“I want to,” I admitted. “It would be so much easier to blame the club. To hate everyone and everything connected to it. To hate the patch. It would’ve been the most rational thing to do. Sensible mothering would have had me moving out of Amber, taking my kids away from their father’s legacy and settling into a safer kind of life.”
I’d thought about it enough, hadn’t I? Gone so far as researching schools, rentals in other area, looking at our finances to figure out how far we could go, what we could get, where I’d have to work. It had almost happened so many times. But I hadn’t had the spine. The heart.
Evie didn’t say anything in response. She knew what was obvious. Had I been strong enough, smart enough, I would’ve done that already.
“But I can’t do it,” I continued. “Can’t leave. We wouldn’t fit in to any other kind of life. My kids have the gift of having this family. One where people die for each other. Ranger died for this club. It would be a disservice to his memory and his life if I blamed the club.”
She reached over to squeeze my hand in an uncharacteristic sign of tenderness.
“He’d be proud of you, baby. Stepping up like this. I’m proud of you. For finding yourself. For finding a different life, with a different man.”
“I’m not quite sure if I’ve found a different life with him,” I argued. “We’re still... figuring things out.”
She chuckled. “Figure things out all you want, Lizzie. It’ll surely take you another lifetime.”
I really hoped it didn’t.
That’s what I told myself, at least.
Because part of me, a small part—growing larger by the day—really hoped I had another lifetime with Kace.“It’s too early,” I groaned.
Kace’s lips were on my neck. Which I would’ve loved at any other time, even at the butt crack of dawn, but he was fully clothed, and that meant my chances at morning sex were slim to none.
“You know I wouldn’t be leaving your warm body right now, especially since I’ve gotten used to wakin’ up with it, unless it was vital. It’s vital, baby. Club business,” Kace explained.
Club business. I was no stranger to what that meant. I knew that there were no arguments, no delays and no promises about when he was coming home.
This was the life.
I let Kace kiss me, grope my boob and then walk out the door.
