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“Maybe that’s it. Too much other stuff on your mind to stay focused on your game.”
“I’m focused.”
He smiled. “Where’s the fire, man?”
“Excuse me?”
“Some motherfucker called me unfocused, I’d clock his ass.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I need. I’ll assault an NHL player who happens to be my coach’s best friend.”
“Bah.” Niko waved a hand. “Let’s get back on the ice, then. What gets you going? Makes you want to kick some ass?”
“The only ass I’d like to kick right now is my own.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “Why?”
“You really want to know?”
“Fuck yeah. Hit me.”
I sat down on the bench. The arena was empty other than the two of us. Might as well get it off my chest.
“I got a woman pregnant during a one-night stand, not realizing it was my teammate’s younger sister. My best friend. He hates me now. That’s how I fucked up my wrist—fighting with him. And Charlotte, his sister . . . I’m crazy about her. But I’m torn up over Liam. I get why he’s pissed, but damn, am I really the worst guy in the
world for his sister? What if this affects our play? What if he jumps my ass instead of an opponent’s? He’s still seeing red. I don’t want him losing his spot on the team over this.”
Niko sat down next to me and nodded. “Yeah, that’s some heavy stuff. You’ve been good to his sister?”
“I have. And I will.”
“Then I’m not following. Why do you want to kick your own ass over this? Sounds like you need to kick his.”
I shrugged. “Maybe he’s right and I’m not good enough for her. I make shit money, and I’m on the road all the time.”
“So let that drive you. My fire came from a desire to do better for my family, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. My parents.” He looked away from me, staring at the wide expanse of ice in front of us. “You know, my wife and I are trying to get pregnant, but we haven’t been able to. You tell anyone that and I’ll slice off your sac.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“We both want a baby really bad. She feels inadequate and I do, too. We’ve had to lean on each other a lot. I’m pretty sure based on how much I want a kid that if I had one, like you will soon, I’d do anything for him.”
“I feel that way, man. I really do.”
“So dig hard and find that burn to be their hero. This is your future, you know? All of you.”
I nodded.
“The harder you hit, the harder you’re fighting for your dream, man. That’s how I see it. It isn’t just technical skill in this game. You’ve got to have something in you that you can feed off of.”
“I never thought of it that way. I guess I need to channel my feelings better.”
“Exactly. Often this game comes down to who wants it the most.”
A new sense of calm settled over me. It was laced with an underlying energy I now knew exactly where to focus. I turned to Niko with a wry smile.
