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Tess opens her mouth to reply but is immediately cut off by Allie.
“Your schedule is not wide-open. You are here to help out, like you promised when you said you wanted to come for a visit during the busiest time of the year.”
“That doesn’t sound like me.” Millie shakes her head as Allie stops one of the toddlers from putting a strand of lights in her mouth.
The front door opens and closes again, bringing in a short bald man wearing a pair of reindeer antlers on his head, who looks to be somewhere in his forties.
“I don’t know how you can walk so fast in those heels. I had to run the last three blocks just so I didn’t lose sight of you,” the guy says to Millie as he brushes snow off the shoulders of his coat, stepping forward to hold out his hand to me.
“Hi. Name’s Sheldon. Merry Christmas! I saw a photo of you on Millie’s computer, but I’m sorry I don’t know your name.”
“Oh my gosh, where are my manners? Sheldon, this is my oldest and dearest friend Bodhi and his girlfriend Tess,” Millie introduces as we shake hands. “And this is Sheldon Johnson. My stalker.”
I immediately drop Sheldon’s hand, my arm darting out and in front of Tess as I quickly move her behind me and farther away from this guy. Most shocking of all is that Tess actually lets me be protective of her. For about five seconds until she punches me in the arm and moves back out from behind me.
“You guys, it’s fine!” Millie reassures us as she smiles down at Sheldon. And I do mean down. The guy is at least an entire foot shorter than Millie’s five-foot-ten inches. “He followed me here all the way from Utah. I mean, that’s some serious dedication, and I feel it deserves the proper recognition. I noticed him lurking in an alley next to the spa when I got out, so I invited him for coffee. Sheldon didn’t really want to filet my skin from my body and wear it as a dress; he was just having a bad Monday. We all have them. He’s actually pretty chill, and everything is much funnier now that I know he didn’t use actual pig’s blood to write all those letters.”
When Sheldon and Millie share a laugh, it’s Tess’s turn to put a protective arm out in front of me as she forces both of us to take a couple of steps back. Thankfully, Allie has been busy bouncing two babies up and down and trying to shush them while they cry again and hasn’t heard the joyful news that there’s now a stalker with a fondness for skin dresses staying at their bed and breakfast this holiday season.
“Millie!” Allie finally shouts over the screaming babies while she manages to herd all the rest of them into what looks like a living room right off the foyer. “Get over here and watch these kids so I can check in our guests.”
Millie air kisses me and Tess again, promising to stop by our room later once we’re settled in, before grabbing Sheldon’s hand and tugging him behind her. She disappears into the living room with the toddlers, and Tess mutters a low, “Oh, Jesus God,” when Sheldon happily dispenses Allie of both babies, cooing and baby-talking them as he bouncy-walks them into the living room with Millie.
“Not our kids, not our problem,” Tess whispers over and over a few times as Allie rushes back across the foyer and behind the check-in desk, quickly clacking away at the computer. I count down the seconds until Tess and I can finally be alone, and she can get the peace and quiet she needs. Preferably after a few orgasms.
“Let me just clear up a few things first before I show you up to your room,” Allie says as I wrap my arm around Tess’s shoulders, giving her a reassuring squeeze to let her know that regardless of the shitshow we walked in on, everything will be smooth sailing for the rest of our stay here. “In case Millie told you that we have personalized butlers for each guest, room service for pets, complimentary workout gear, 24-hour massage treatments, Prosecco baths upon request, or rosé vending machines in each room like she’s been telling anyone who calls or checks in, we do not.”
“I still cannot fathom how you live like this,” Millie says, peeking her head back in the foyer from the doorway of the living room. “It’s like you’re Amish now.”
“It’s totally fine,” Tess reassures Allie when Millie disappears back into stalker daycare. “We’re pretty simple, and we don’t need anything fancy like that anyway.”
I nod in agreement when we hear a crash from the living room, followed by Millie’s loud voice.
