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When our breathing settled, and I thought there was a chance I might have the strength to stand up, I gently eased his legs back to the mattress, slid off of the bed, and headed to the bathroom. Wetting a washrag, I cleaned myself up and then ran warm water over another cloth for Baker. When I walked back into the bedroom, he was still lying in the same position. For a few seconds, I thought he’d drifted off to sleep but when he turned his head in my direction, his eyes were open—wide open. He looked…terrified.
“Hey, it’s okay, Baker. You were experimenting, nothing more. A lot of men do it. Don’t put too much thought into it.” All my words were wrong—the opposite of what my heart wanted me to say. With a determined step, I crossed the floor and said, “Here, let me clean you up.” He didn’t move as I gently wiped him clean with the warm rag. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was on the edge of a panic attack, and when he went off, it would break my damned heart.
And I hated myself for that fucking weakness.
“I’ll clean away all the evidence and we can pretend it never happened.”
Words. Stupid words. Ignorant words. Untrue words. They kept falling out of my mouth.
Knowing there was a good chance our voyeur was still looking through his telescope, I tossed the rag in the direction of the bathroom and climbed into the bed with Baker, careful not to touch him. Leaning up, I retrieved the blanket I’d arrogantly kicked aside earlier and pulled it over us. The room was quiet—him on his side of the bed and me on mine. I wanted to hold him, to somehow make his discomfort and denial go away, but knew it would probably result in a wrestling match which wouldn’t be able to be explained to whoever watched us.
One minute of silence passed. Two minutes. Three. At least he wasn’t having a hissy fit—not on the outside. I was sure he was dying on the inside. Four minutes before the deafening silence was finally broken.
“Seth…I think we have a problem,” he said in a low, quiet voice.
Here it came.
He wasn’t going to be able to work with me anymore. What just happened could never happen again. Or one of my personal favorites—I’d misconstrued his actions and thought he wanted something he really didn’t.
I’d expected this moment and thought I’d feel nothing but anger and bitterness. Instead of those emotions, though, I felt…grief—a sadness I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Dealing with anger would have been so much easier.
“What’s that, Baker?” I asked. My voice sounded defeated. Hell, I was defeated.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when he rolled over, tucked his head beneath my chin and draped one leg over both of mine. One of his arms ended up across my stomach with his palm resting against my side.
“I, uh, don’t think I’m as straight now as I was this morning.”
I’d been through a lot in my life, both good and bad. I’d learned to roll with the punches and not let life surprise me enough to knock me flat on my ass. Baker had just knocked me on my ass. Of all the words I’d expected him to say, those weren’t anywhere on my radar. A wave of happiness washed over me so fiercely that I almost giggled out loud. I felt my mouth form a huge smile.
“Baker…I don’t think that’s a problem.”Chapter 6BakerI’d done a lot of things in my life I was ashamed of, but none of them more so than the cowardly way I’d just behaved. Since my first introduction to Agent Seth Wilkinson, I hadn’t been able to get much sleep, no actual rest, and definitely not any peace of mind. He’d troubled me from the very first moment I laid eyes on him, but I hadn’t been able to understand what it was about him that made me so…itchy. When we’d boarded the plane to Miami, I’d already been exhausted. Then there’d been the thing at the club. Then the aftercare. Then him fixing me food and worrying about my obvious lack of sleep. Then….
Then the almighty, mother of all biggies—the visit to my bedroom in the middle of the night. When I’d heard him talking out on the balcony, I knew something regarding the assignment was going on. It wasn’t likely he’d be discussing the weather with a friend at that time in the morning. I’d waited for him to come to my room and brief me. I was ready for that. I was not ready for him to show up completely naked, looking all motherfucking hot, delicious, and all the things he should not look to me. Nevertheless, that was exactly how it worked out.
