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With a roughness I knew wouldn’t have been there before I opened my mouth, he took the washcloth and began cleaning the cum from my stomach and chest. When he’d finished, he turned without a word and went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I heard the lock on the door activate and then the shower turned on. Disheartened and ashamed, I turned away and began rummaging through my clothes for a pair of sweat pants and T-shirt. The need to hide myself…all of me…was overwhelming. True to my history, I’d fucked things up.
Again.
As I slid the loose-fitting clothing onto my body, I felt tears start to slide down my face. What should have been one of the happiest moments of my life had been successfully turned into a shitshow because of my stupidity. The saddest part is that I probably wouldn’t change a thing if I had it to do over again. Feeling Eli inside of me, possessing every damn inch of my body, heart, and soul, had been worth it…at that particular moment. Now? Not so much.
A part of me wanted to make a run for it and attempt to book another room and just hide from him for the remainder of the cruise. Another part of me wanted to face his wrath and, hopefully, move past it. At breakfast, things had almost felt like old times, when we’d been head over heels in love. The way his hungry gaze roamed over me, dripping with lust had been almost predatory. I’d loved it. Eli had always managed to make me feel special. When I was with him, I didn’t feel the need to hide to pretend.
Well…except for all the lies I kept telling. If I was honest with myself, that was just another way of hiding. Soooo, two steps forward and ten steps back—the story of my life.
With nothing else to do, I went out onto the balcony and waited for Eli to come and scream his frustrations at me. I didn’t blame him—he had every reason to be angry. I looked around the spacious deck and decided on a lounge chair in the corner. I’d booked the most expensive suite on the boat, so we had plenty of room. Of course, we were going to need it. I had a feeling Eli wouldn’t come near me again.
I dropped down onto the lounge chair, drew my legs up, and wrapped my arms around them. A sliver of pain shot through my ass, and I enjoyed the feeling…since that was probably the last time I’d experience it. Jeezus, what a fucking dumbass I was. Would I ever grow out of my immaturity? Youth had been my excuse for the first time I’d lied to Eli; I didn’t have an excuse anymore. Today was my birthday. I was twenty-fucking-years-old. I should know better. I should be comfortable in my skin. Confident.
On the bright side—if there was one—I was no longer a virgin.
Yeah, that was pretty much the end of my bright side.
I cringed when I heard the sliding doors open and then close again. Oh, shit. It was about to hit the fan. At this point, I could only hope I didn’t break down and cry like a baby when he blasted me and then, I was certain, when he tossed me aside afterwards. Again.
Happy fucking birthday to me.
Eli walked over to the lounge chair where I huddled, straddled the end of it, sat down, and stared at me. Stared for what felt like thirty minutes but couldn’t have been more than one or two. My hair, way too long and unruly, hung down in front of my face, blocking him from seeing my eyes, so I took the opportunity to try and gauge just how pissed he was. Instead of that, though, my traitorous eyes soaked up his masculine beauty. His muscles. His tattoos. Did I mention his muscles? Yeah, already went there. Why would I have ever thought I could keep someone like Eli happy, anyway? He was so fucking far out of my league that it was ridiculous.
Finally, he opened his mouth and said, “Look at me, Arizona.” His tone was gruff and growly.
What was wrong with me? He was about to drop me like a hot potato and his voice was turning me on? Even his Oscar the Grouch/Grinch voice did it for me.
When I didn’t raise my eyes, he said, “Don’t make me more disappointed than I already am. Look. At. Me.”
I wasn’t sure what kind of snake it was that could hypnotize prey with their eyes, lure them closer and leave them helpless until it was too late to try and save themselves…but that’s exactly how I was with Eli. Hypnotized. Helpless. His prey. My stupid heart wanted him, and it was too late to save myself. I raised my eyes and met his dark gaze.
