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He paused for the slightest of seconds and then reached down to slide them down his legs and toss them aside, leaving him completely naked and exposed. He’d always been so eager to explore his sensual side. I still couldn’t believe we hadn’t taken things any further than heavy petting. I’d held back because I’d known he was special…that he was the one. He’d held back because I’d made him.
As he settled back against me, giving his pert ass an extra wiggle against my throbbing cock, my eyes drifted toward the small camera I’d noticed the first time I’d stepped out onto the oversized deck. “You remember people could be watching, right?”
“Counting on it,” he answered breathlessly. It was easy to see he was both excited and nervous by the prospect of foreign eyes on us. “Sooooo, that was you handing out discipline?” he asked. “Because if it was, you really aren’t like Baker and Seth—not even close.”
He was right and wrong at the same time. While I did enjoy handing out a nice spanking when one deserved it, my kinks lay in a totally different arena. Well, they had. Not anymore. Not when it wasn’t something Ari wanted.
With a laugh that I hoped hid my lies of omission, I answered, “You certainly deserved more, but that was a nice start.” Curious, I said, “So tell me about the years we were apart. From what I’ve seen so far, it isn’t what I expected.”
His body tensed. “What the fuck does that mean? I’m successful, damn you! I finished college, first in my graduating class. Then went on to complete my Masters and Graduate programs in record time. After that, I found a successful job that pays well and that I enjoy. What in the hell could be wrong with that? Fuck, Eli, what else could you have expected from me?”
My heart plunged as I realized how insecure Ari still was—always trying to prove himself not to be a child amongst adults since that was the world he’d grown up in. I looked over his shoulder and admired his toned physique—nope, nothing childish about that glorious display of masculine perfection. “Calm down, angel. I was referring to your…lack of sexual experience, not your functions at the firm. I already know how successful you are there, nor did I ever doubt you would be—at anything you attempted.” I kissed the back of his neck. “When I set you free, angel, it was with the knowledge that you’d move on without me, experiment with sex, have a good time. It damn near killed me to do it, but you were so fucking young. I felt like it was my only option.” I grazed his shoulder with my teeth. “You do realize I always meant to come for you, angel. You had to know I could never let you go.”
“Never let me go?” he squawked like an angry hen. “Let me go is what you did, dammit! With barely more than a polite ‘Dear, John’ letter, you let me go and disappeared out of my life.” His angry squawk transformed into an even angrier growl…which I found sexier than a fallen angel. “Then, a few years later, you think you can waltz back in, pick up where we left off, and even fucking question my lack of sexual experience? No, Eli…just, no.”
I growled in frustration, not understanding how he couldn’t see why I left when I did. Sure, maybe I didn’t handle it as delicately as I should have, but I’d been hurt too. It had been more than Ari’s heart in the line of fire. “Come on, angel, you have to understand why I left when I did. We could barely keep our hands off each other. If I’d stayed, something terrible would have happened. Regardless of how mature we both felt you were, the law says otherwise…and I agree. What I felt for you…still feel for you would have made it impossible for me to keep my hands to myself. On top of that, you were so fucking young. I felt like you deserved to live a little before getting tied down with one man.” I felt his body stiffen with outrage yet again. Oh boy, he was about to hit me with angel wings.
“Are you telling me you wanted me to have sex with other men? You’re spouting all these strange words that closely resemble love and commitment, yet the cherry on top turns out to be me having sex with other men? I don’t understand your reasoning, Eli.” His frown deepened. “Well, maybe I understand you were willing to hand me over to other men, but I don’t like it.”
A rumble sounded in my chest. “They aren’t just words, Arizona. I completely understand that you aren’t sure how you feel about me. Hell, I even understand why you’d question it because of how I walked out on both of us, but don’t ever question how I feel about you. My feelings have never changed, even if I wasn’t with you.”
