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In retrospect, I was honestly a bit surprised that Kristen was still speaking to me. She had every reason to want to tell me to fuck off for hurting her friend’s feelings, but she never did. It was just another testament to her loving and forgiving nature.
I poured a double scotch and downed it in one go. Another talent I had picked up from grandpa, though his drink of choice was rum. By the bottle.
Old habits die hard, I guess. So hard that they passed themselves down through the family tree.
I wondered how much like him I really was. How many broken hearts and popped cherries he had left in his wake.
It was clearer now than it had ever been before how little my dad was like him. Which partly explained why he was so dead set in me following in his exact footsteps. I poured another double and raised it toward the ceiling.
"Fuck you, grandpa," I swore, and downed it quickly, barely feeling it as the scotch hit the back of my throat.
I refused to be the man he wanted me to be. The man I had tried to be for so long, only leading to hurt and ruined relationships.
I vowed then and there to be better. To be a better brother to Kristen and to try and not be an asshole to Kora now that she was back in my life. To try to get a fresh start, at least ignoring if not forgetting the mistakes of the past and see where it went from there.
What possibly go wrong?Chapter Eight - KoraMy apartment was dark when I got home. I had to fumble for the light switch, finally finding it without much too much trouble or damage.
My mind was still humming, going over and over the texts we had sent. It really was crazy, how life could work out. You think you are going one way and then everything goes another way all together.
I would have been fine never seeing Logan again. At least, that’s what I always told myself when I was trying to get over him.
I may have wished that I could, but I had thought it was only possible in fantasy. At least in fantasy he was always nice to me. Warm and loving, giving me the sex I secretly wanted but never dared ask for from him.
What happened on the mountain was the closest I had ever really gotten to sex.
The closest I had ever gotten to a cock.
The only time a guy had licked me.
And Logan really seemed to honestly enjoy it. It wasn’t a chore or a prelude for something he wanted. He was just trying to give me pleasure. Likely to get me relaxed so that he could fuck me more easily, but the effect was still the same.
He seemed so kind then. He even stopped when I said to stop. I knew he didn’t want to. Part of me didn’t want to either but the guilt had just gotten to be too much. I really didn’t want to hurt Kristen and I knew she was against my relationship with Logan to start with.
I still didn’t really understand why he did what he had done during his college break. I hadn’t really wanted to go to the party. I never did really well with crowds. Kristen and Logan were the only people I really knew there, and that bikini honestly made me feel self-conscious. I knew I looked great in it and Logan would probably get hard instantly when he saw me, but I had never been really comfortable showing off a lot of my body.
Modestly and thrift were the two main virtues taught in my household growing up. I didn’t even wear a skirt that went above my knees until I was 18 and my parents couldn’t stop me. It was all jeans and long sleeves for all of my teen years. Not a whole lot of fun in the summer.
Yet there I was, showing everyone around almost everything I had. Feeling them judging me. Though really, in the end there was only one person whose opinion mattered to me. I wanted Logan to want me. I wanted Logan to fuck me.
I had realized I had made a mistake before and was trying to correct it. To apologize, in a twisted sort of way. So, I had one too many wine coolers for liquid courage and then tried to show him what I thought he wanted to see. Tried to give him what I thought he had wanted to take.
And he rejected me. Like I was nothing. Just another of his little sluts.
I knew about him and the other girls he had been with before me. And probably after me, even though I liked to tell myself otherwise. They were virgins, mostly. I had heard that other guys want to fight him for what he did to their little sisters. Logan’s friends made sure they didn’t do that again.
