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I couldn't freak out. There was no reason for it, not yet, and even if it was true, it wouldn't be good for me and likely wouldn’t do the baby, if there was a baby, any favors. I needed to know for sure before I did anything.
It was raining on my way downtown. Of course it was. The traffic wasn't too bad though. The last thing I needed were any more obstacles on my way to the truth. I happened to look at the clock in the console.
"Shit," I said, my language getting significantly dirtier since I left home.
I fished my phone out of my inside pocket and hit the speed dial button for work. I knew it could be dangerous to use a phone and drive but I didn't want to lose my job as a masseuse at the spa before I had officially gotten it.
"Hello?" Erik said.
My heart leapt with joy.
"Erik!"
"Kora, how you doing?"
"Not so good," I said, with complete honesty.
"Oh no, what's wrong?"
"If I told you, you would hate me for putting the image in your head."
"Oh dear!"
"Suffice it to say I'm in no fit state to be around people right now," I said.
"Doesn't sound like it."
"If you could pass that along to David, in a way that would make him not want to fire me, I would be forever in your debt,” I told him.
"Oh, don't be silly. I would settle for a batch of those infamous cookies of yours."
"Deal," I said.
That taken care of, I focused on getting where I was going without killing anyone on the way.
The drug store was one of those big box deals. Large and impersonal. Exactly what I needed at the time. Nothing like a disinterested crowd when you wanted to be alone.
I could hear the Muzak before the automatic doors even finished sliding open, Star Trek-style, before me. The assault on my ears was nothing compared to what was wafting over from the perfume counter. Fighting down another wave of nausea, I made for the the family planning section.
The choice in pregnancy tests was far too large to be based on functional considerations so I decided to go by price, getting the cheapest no name brand I could find, hoping it wouldn't affect the accuracy of the reading.
I really didn't see how it could, or else why would anyone buy them at all? But taking pregnancy tests was definitely a whole new world for me and I knew very little about it.
Grabbing a few other things to try and make the situation a bit less embarrassing, like a teenage boy getting toilet paper and toothpaste along with his first ever box of condoms, I located the shortest checkout line and waited as patiently as I could, pretending to look at the magazine display until it was my turn. Then I hastily shoved everything onto the counter, looking down at it as if to say I wasn’t interested in conversation.
"Have a great day!" the clerk said automatically once she was done ringing up my things, handing me my bag.
The irony was not lost but I was too scared and tired to laugh.
I pulled off my skirt almost as soon as I got home to get the pressure off, my oversized shirt hanging down like a dress. I decided to leave it.
I really wanted a drink but decided not to until I knew for sure. My hands shaking, I took the pregnancy test into the bathroom.
Then all I could do was wait.
I literally paced as I waited for the little blue plus or minus to show up. Simple math symbols, the implications of which scared me more than anything I had experienced to that point.
Finally, it was time to look, like it or not.
The test was positive.
I took in a breath and let it out like I once been shown by a guy really into meditation techniques. I was determined not to freak out. It would have been a lot easier if I'd been able to have some wine but that was something I was just going to have to learn to live without.
I knew I was keeping the baby, no matter what. Something inside me wanted it emotionally, even though my head knew that was a rather foolish idea. I stroked my belly, imaging the potential life growing in there.
I thought of Logan. I really wanted to know what was going on with that limo first. And who had been in it.
I had to admit, I really had no idea who was in it, but his reaction left me with the distinct impression that it was nothing good. Even if it wasn't another woman, it could still be really bad. He could owe money to some bad people. The kind who had to drive around in cars with bullet-proof glass. Or at least bullet-proof looking glass.
