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So I was. Extremely careful, often giving myself a good deal more room than I needed when moving around the table. Sometimes only having my fingertips touching the client.
I also had to be mindful of my boobs, which had indeed gotten bigger than they were before, with the added bonus of also making them extremely sensitive. I'd had to stop wearing a bra, getting special permission to wear a black shirt rather than the standard-issue white.
It had been a pretty easy pregnancy so far, all in all. The morning sickness had hit hard but didn't stay around long. My change of diet focusing almost exclusively on crackers and ginger ale no doubt helped.
The baby hadn't started moving yet but everyone I asked said it would soon. I was five months pregnant and not sure what she was waiting for when it came to starting to move around in there enough for me to feel it, but I could wait, even though I was really looking forward to it.
I finished with the client I was massaging. And turned to wipe off my hands as he got up and put on his pants. I left as he finished dressing, going out into the waiting room.
"Kora?"
"Fuck."
I didn't actually say that, but I sure did think it. I didn't know what else I was supposed to do when I saw Kristen sitting there, pretty as a picture.
I hadn't seen her for months. Not since she had called me on the new number I had given her in confidence and with the understanding we had agreed upon, and mentioned Logan's name. I had hung up and applied to have my number changed again, glad I hadn't told her where I had moved.
"I-I didn't -"
"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to stay professional.
"I'm waiting for a massage appointment. I've been coming here for months. After I'd called to make sure you didn't work here anymore. As a receptionist, that is. I didn't know that you were a masseuse here now. I swear.”
"Why would you?” I asked her, realizing that fate had brought us together again. “Sorry, that was mean of me to imply. You deserve the truth, if nothing else. I just really think it is more important to focus on my future rather than the past."
"I understand that. Honestly, I do," Kristen said, getting up and coming over.
I backed a way without thinking about it. She stopped, holding up her hands as though in surrender. She even took a step back but didn't go and sit back down. Typical parter tenacity.
"I'm sorry our friendship didn't work out this time either. Especially because it was for basically the same reason. I hate to think that -"
She stopped catching sight of my baby girl bump. She stared at it for a long moment as though hypnotized. I covered it with both hands protectively, turning away from her.
"A-are you pregnant?" she asked.
"I-"
"Does Logan-"
I didn't hear the rest. I had started running away. It wasn't professional but that was what I did. I didn't care about getting fired or whatever happened to trainees when they went off the rails.
My stomach heaved and I felt the need to vomit. I went out the back exit and got in my car, pounding down ginger ale until the feeling subsided.
Fumbling the CD case from the glove compartment, I searched for the relaxation program Erik had recommended when my pregnancy became too obvious to ignore. He had said it had worked wonders for his wife, both during her pregnancy and afterwards.
I pulled the disk out of the plastic sleeve and slid it into the car's CD player, starting the car up first. Turning on the heater up to full. One of the downsides to pregnancy was that it played merry hell with my core temperature.
The engine ran and the CD spun and I breathed deep and regular, trying to banish all thoughts of Logan from my head. I wasn't going to think about how much I still loved him. Or how much it hurt.
I refused to acknowledge how much a large part of me wished we could be together. For the baby, if nothing else. I also didn't think about what had happened. The rejection. The hurt.
I was determined not to get caught up in the past. My mind, betraying me again, started thinking about the present-ish. The amazing sex. The thoughtful gift to his sister, my best friend no less. The fact that the innocent life growing inside of me was part of Logan.
I forced myself to focus on the CD. The calming sounds. The gentle, affirming voice, punctuating with the firm, ringing taps of a singing bowl. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
I wrapped my arms around my belly. The baby started kicking. Tears of joy mixing with the tears of sadness.
