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“For mercy,” Moash said. “Better a quick death than to leave them to die, forgotten.”
“You could have set them free!” Kaladin’s hands were sweaty on his weapon, and his mind … his mind wouldn’t think straight. His Stormlight was running low, almost out.
Kaladin, Syl said. Let’s leave.
“We have to deal with him,” Kaladin whispered. “I have to … have to…”
What? Kill Moash while he stood defenseless? This was a man Kaladin was supposed to protect. To save …
“They’re going to die, you know,” Moash said softly.
“Shut up.”
“Everyone you love, everyone you think you can protect. They’re all going to die anyway. There’s nothing you can do about it.”
“I said shut up!” Kaladin shouted.
Moash stepped toward the spear, dropping his hands to his sides as he took a second step.
Kaladin, strangely, felt himself shying away. He’d been so tired lately, and while he tried to ignore it—tried to keep going—his fatigue seemed a sudden weight. Kaladin had used a lot of his Stormlight fighting, then getting through the fire.
It ran out right then, and he deflated. The numbness he’d been shoving down this entire battle flooded into him. The exhaustion.
Beyond Moash, the distant fire crackled and snapped. Far off, a loud crashing crunch echoed through the tunnel: the kitchen ceiling finally collapsing. Bits of burning wood tumbled down the tunnel, the embers fading to darkness.
“Do you remember the chasm, Kal?” Moash whispered. “In the rain that night? Standing there, looking down into the darkness, and knowing it was your sole release? You knew it then. You try to pretend you’ve forgotten. But you know. As sure as the storms will come. As sure as every lighteyes will lie. There is only one answer. One path. One result.”
“No…” Kaladin whispered.
“I’ve found the better way,” Moash said. “I feel no guilt. I’ve given it away, and in so doing became the person I could always have become—if I hadn’t been restrained.”
“You’ve become a monster.”
“I can take away the pain, Kal. Isn’t that what you want? An end to your suffering?”
Kaladin felt like he was in a trance. Frozen, as he’d been when he watched … watched Elhokar die. A disconnect that had festered inside him ever since.
No, it had been growing for longer. A seed that made him incapable of fighting, of deciding—paralyzing him while his friends died.
His spear slipped from his fingers. Syl was talking, but … but he couldn’t hear her. Her voice was a distant breeze.…
“There’s a simple path to freedom,” Moash said, reaching out and putting his hand on Kaladin’s shoulder. A comforting, familiar gesture. “You are my dearest friend, Kal. I want you to stop hurting. I want you to be free.”
“No…”
“The answer is to stop existing, Kal. You’ve always known it, haven’t you?”
Kaladin blinked away tears, and the deepest part of him—the little boy who hated the rain and the darkness—withdrew into his soul and curled up. Because … he did want to stop hurting.
He wanted it so badly.
“I need one thing from you,” Moash said. “I need you to admit that I’m right. I need you to see. As they keep dying, remember. As you fail them, and the pain consumes you, remember there is a way out. Step back up to that cliff and jump into the darkness.”
Syl was screaming, but it was only wind. A distant wind …
“But I won’t fight you, Kal,” Moash whispered. “There is no fight to be won. We lost the moment we were born into this cursed life of suffering. The sole victory left to us is to choose to end it. I found my way. There is one open to you.”
Oh, Stormfather, Kaladin thought. Oh, Almighty.
I just … I just want to stop failing the people I love.…
Light exploded into the room.
Clean and white, like the light of the brightest diamond. The light of the sun. A brilliant, concentrated purity.
Moash growled, spinning around, shading his eyes against the source of the light—which came from the doorway. The figure behind it wasn’t visible as anything more than a shadow.
Moash shied away from the light—but a version of him, transparent and filmy, broke off and stepped toward the light instead. Like an afterimage. In it, Kaladin saw the same Moash—but somehow standing taller, wearing a brilliant blue uniform. This one raised a hand, confident, and although Kaladin couldn’t see them, he knew people gathered behind this Moash. Protected. Safe.
The image of Moash burst alight as a Shardspear formed in his hands.
“No!” the real Moash screamed. “No! Take it! Take my pain!” He stumbled away to the side of the room, furious, a Shardblade—the Blade of the Assassin in White—forming in his hands. He swung at the empty air. Finally he lowered his head—shadowing his face with his elbow—and shoved past the figure in the light and rushed back up the tunnel.
Kaladin knelt, bathed in that warm light. Yes, warmth. Kaladin felt warm. Surely … if there truly was a deity … it watched him from within that light.
The light faded, and a spindly young man with black and blond hair rushed forward to grab Kaladin.
“Sir!” Renarin asked. “Kaladin, sir? Are you all right? Are you out of Stormlight?”
“I…” Kaladin shook his head. “What…”
“Come on,” Renarin said, getting under his arm to help lift him. “The Fused have retreated. The ship is ready to leave!”
Kaladin nodded, numb, and let Renarin help him stand.
A pewter cage will cause the spren of your fabrial to express its attribute in force—a flamespren, for example, will create heat. We call these augmenters. They tend to use Stormlight more quickly than other fabrials.
—Lecture on fabrial mechanics presented by Navani Kholin to the coalition of monarchs, Urithiru, Jesevan, 1175
By the time Kaladin started to come to himself, the Fourth Bridge had already begun lifting into the air. He stood near the railing, watching Hearthstone—now abandoned—shrinking beneath them. From this distance, the houses resembled a group of discarded crab shells, shed as the creature grew. Their function served, they were now scattered refuse.
Once, he’d imagined returning to this place triumphant. Instead, that return had eventually brought the town’s end. It surprised him how little it hurt, knowing he’d probably visited his birthplace for the last time.
Well, it hadn’t been home to him in years. Instinctively, he searched out the soldiers of Bridge Four. They were mingled among the other Windrunners and squires on the upper deck, crowding around, talking about something Kaladin couldn’t make out.
The group was so big now. Hundreds of Windrunners—far too many to function as the tight-knit group he’d formed in Sadeas’s army. A groan escaped his lips, and he blamed it on his fatigue.
He settled down on the deck and put his back to the railing. One of the ardents brought him a cup of something warm, which he took gratefully—until he realized the drinks were distributed to the townspeople and refugees, not the other soldiers. Did he look so bad?
