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I glanced at the clock and sat down on the bed. It was 7:35. I glanced at my phone, a silent brick on my bed. Hm.
“It’s past time,” I said out loud but didn’t look at her.
“Maybe his clock is slow,” she offered, but I saw how she glanced at the clock like it had better start running backward or she’d melt it into a lump of plastic.
“I’m not sure how I’d take it if this one stands me up too,” I whispered, but my phone buzzed, and I jumped for it.
“Oh, he had to stop at the gas station and got in a line. He’ll be here soon.” I breathed a sigh of relief and felt my lips lift in delight.
Thirty minutes later, I was still sitting there. I sent a text.
No reply.
After twenty more minutes, I changed out of my clothes, put on my pajamas, and waited for Brooklyn to get back from the store with another pint of ice cream. I didn’t know what had happened, but obviously, I’d been stood up again.
My confidence was now completely shattered and I was numb inside. I couldn’t believe it had happened again, but it had. That left me… cold.
I curled up under my comforter and waited for Brooklyn to come back. She climbed in behind me, handed me my ice cream, and I hit play on the movie I’d picked. I started to cry halfway through the comedy, and she slid down to curl around me. It was a sisterly hug, something that only she had ever given me, and I turned to sob into my pillow just beneath her chin.
“It’ll be okay, Nic,” she whispered soothingly, but I didn’t know if it would. A man that had been on his way to pick me up had just disappeared; went poof before he got to me. I knew there was probably a good explanation, something totally logical, but my brain couldn’t think of what it might be.
I fell asleep but woke up when I heard Brooklyn talking to someone. I realized she was on the phone with Stuart and settled back down to go back to sleep.
“We have to do something about this, Stu. She’s so fucking beautiful, but nobody seems to see it. I’d almost offer her you if I didn’t love you so much.” She paused and waited, so I guess he was responding. She laughed softly, then told him goodnight.
At least she loved me, I thought, as I drifted back to that place where I didn’t have to think. She’d even said she’d offer me Stuart if she didn’t love him. That might be the kindest thing anyone’s ever said about me. For me. Whatever. It didn’t matter. The guys at school didn’t want me, so I was just going to work, finish my studies, and sleep. Right now, it was time to sleep, so that’s what I did.Chapter FiveMonday rolled around and I had to get out of bed at last. I’d spent the weekend watching movies and avoiding people and the Internet. It was too ‘peopley’. Late on Sunday evening, I took a shower and let my long hair dry on its own as I binge-watched some crime show on Netflix. It kept my brain occupied which is what I needed today even if I wasn’t in the mood to lounge around today.
My breath appeared in white puffs as I walked to class, my head down and my hoodie over my head. I avoided eye contact, casual hellos, and brief nods with anyone throughout the day, and managed to get to work at the library with exactly zero interaction with anyone. I didn’t hate the world. I hated myself for being so stupid.
I know that by now, I should be able to deal with the world and the fuckery that comes along with life. I should be able to stand with my head up and glare fuck-yous at everyone, but I couldn’t.
I’d been stood up twice. In a row. I must be some kind of monster.
I had to be, right? Why else would that happen? Sure, Amanda was probably behind it all, somehow – maybe -- but what if I’d just become paranoid over the years? What if she didn’t have anything to do with my abandoned dates and I just… sucked?
I couldn’t help but think about it all as the hours passed and I watched the students come and go. Final exams were coming up and the temperature was warming up. The library would soon heat up as students filled the building, eager to finish studying and their final projects.
I’d already finished my final projects, easy to do when you have no life, and my finals were in the bag. I knew the subject matter of my finals and would save studying for the night before each test. I only had two classes this semester, so it wouldn’t be too hard.
