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“Thank you, Mrs. Lawson, it’s all very kind of you. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” I meant it too. Mrs. Lawson wasn’t exactly a wealth of comfort. Many even thought of her as cold, but behind that glacial exterior was a woman that had decided many years ago to not let the hurt into her world anymore.
That didn’t mean she was cruel, far from it. She’d often done little things to make my day easier. She’d have an extra cupcake sometimes, or she’d share a cake that was far too big for one person. Sometimes she’d save the books for me that she knew I’d need for class, and a slew of other little kind acts that I couldn’t remember at the moment.
I shared the giant cupcake with her, and I told her about my plans for the future. How I’d be close to Brooklyn, whom she’d met more than once, and how she was expecting so we would both be starting more than a new life.
"I'm sure you’ll both have a very good life, Miss Howell. University isn’t the most important part of your life. It just helps you in the next step of your life.” She paused and seemed to come to a decision. She looked up into my eyes, revealed the lines and wrinkles that adorned her clean skin and the pain in her deep brown eyes. “I’ve hidden in this library my entire life, Miss Howell. It’s comforted me through that life. You deserve to go out and live the life I should have lived.”
“Oh, Mrs. Lawson.” Tears pricked at my eyes, and I looked down at my hands. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Miss Howell. Now, let’s get to work, shall we?”
I smiled and nodded with acceptance. It was back to normal now. But I knew a lot more about her than I thought I did now. I didn’t know her exact story, but I didn’t need to. Something had happened a long time ago, something that had hurt her deeply. I could understand that hurt and knew she was right. I shouldn’t hide away.
I didn’t exactly plan to. I was going to go to Las Vegas in a few days, and I would make the most of it. I didn’t know what I’d do if the brothers kicked me out of the hotel room, but that just meant I had to be very careful. I’d have to talk my way into it somehow. Into their lives, at least for the two days that had been planned.
The shift ended without any problems. The hours were filled with students bringing books back and paying any late fees due. It kept me busy and when we closed for the night, I looked back at the building for a moment. The library had been my first real job and it came with a lady who taught me more than she knew over the last few years.
“Goodbye, Mrs. Lawson,” I called one last time as she walked to her car.
“Goodbye, Miss Howell. I hope to see you again one day.” She waved and I watched her walk away. She had on a deep blue skirt suit, probably from the 1980s from the design, but still perfectly suited to her slim frame. Her black heels were thick like I’d seen in movies from the 1950s, and her hair was up in a tight bun. The stereotypical librarian, but also a hidden font of knowledge. I’d miss her, I decided as I walked back to the dorm.
Brooklyn was with Stuart, so I spent the evening packing. Mom was coming up for graduation and would stay at a nearby hotel. I’d have my car packed and ready to go once the ceremony was over. We’d head back together, and that would be the end of my time here.
I felt a little overwhelmed at the prospect. My time would no longer be dictated by classes and homework. It would be dictated by my employer and my own decisions. I turned on some music and sat by the window that overlooked the parking lot. Students walked by, relaxed and smiling. A few still looked stressed and full of anxiety, but most of the students were doing the same thing I was.
Packing up to go home. Some would be going home for the summer, only to come back in the fall, but others were like me. Ready to go out into the world now.
My phone pinged and I glanced at it.
For the last few years I’d wanted to lose my virginity and it hadn’t happened. I was almost glad about that as I read the text from Daniel. He was home alone and needed a hand with a certain problem he had. I texted back and said I’d be more than happy to help him get rid of that problem.
