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A real one that doesn’t involve claiming to be Kylie’s manager and just following her everywhere she goes. A job like the one she had before Kylie hit the lights.
I shake my head. There’s no talking to Kylie. It’s clear that she’s made her mind up. She’s going, and there’s nothing I can do to stop her.
“I’m going to record a song and come back.”
I laugh, thinking that she’s so naive. She’s not just going to record a song. She’s going back for good.
“Why are you laughing? Don’t you think that this is hard for me too?
“No. It's not about that. You'll go back and remember the good life. Fuck, when we were in high school, all you ever did was either sing in a band or solo. The only thing that you've ever worked for in your life is to be a singer. You're telling me that you'll go back and then you'll be like ‘let me give this up to go and live on a ranch and bring up someone else's kid.’”
She shakes her head as she approaches me. I know that she wants to hold and reassure me, but just then Richard's whimpering, so I go into his room. He'll probably fall back asleep, but I need his comfort and especially his smell to stop me from exploding.
“This isn’t fair Noah. I never wanted any of this.” She’s running after me, but I can’t pretend how I feel. For years, this woman told me that she wanted nothing to do with me. I let down my guard and let her in, and then she spits on it.
Well, not exactly spit.
More shits, pees, and vomits all over it.
“Just grab your things and go!”
That’s my final word, and I slam the door in her face. She’s knocking on Richard’s door and asking, “Can I at least say goodbye?”
She waits by the door and knocks a few more times, pleading each and every time. I’m just about to open it when I hear her on her phone, the words she says making me change my mind.
“I’m leaving now!”
I don’t care who she’s talking to. I just want her gone. I’m saving her the headache of pretending that she’ll come back. She won’t. She knows it, and so do I.
***
I’m putting Richard to sleep and debating whether I should just put him in his stroller and go for a walk. I decide to put him in his stroller and get some fresh air. I fell asleep with him in my arms after I heard the door shut.
Who would have thought that an emotional battle could drain the life out of you?
I wouldn’t have, until now.
“You and I are going to get some fresh air,” I say to him as I dump my phone on the couch and decide to head out. Martin says that he will bring his kids later on, and we can all go to the park. Dan’s already told me the real reason that Martin's coming around later. Apparently, he kicked Gia out. I can’t say that I’m upset about it, because I’m not, but I do like the idea that my friend’s got some balls. At this rate, we have three kids between us, and we could start a day care.
I laugh at the idea of it.
Richard’s either laughing or smiling. Damn, he’s in a good mood. I wonder how long that’ll last. Once he knows that Kylie’s no longer around, that smile will turn into a frown.
I manage to put some sunscreen on him and then head down the stairs. I just need my keys and the stroller. I strap him in and head to the door. When I open it, I can’t believe who’s standing there with her hand on the doorbell.
I recognize her from the moment I see her. “Candy?”
She waves. “Hi Noah. Is this who I think it is?”
She smiles as she bends down to Richard in his stroller. He looks indifferent—the same way that he does whenever he sees a stranger. He has that ‘Who the fuck are you look?’ Kylie said that he gets it from me, but I beg to differ.
“Wow, it’s been…”
“Four weeks.”
“Four long weeks.” I sigh as I think about what to say to her. I had a vision that this day would come, but I expected it to be months from now. Or even years. Not just a few weeks later.
“Can I come in?” she asks, and I don’t hesitate in telling her.
“We were going out for a walk. Join us.”
I smile even though it’s only because I’m tired. I regret the way that Kylie left. I should have been supportive and told her that I was an ass. I hate that one thing that always gets in the way—that shitty little thing called pride.
“Okay.”
She smiles, and she’s still trying to get Richard’s attention, but he’s not having any of it.
“It’s as if he doesn’t recognize me,” she says, disappointed. I look at her, and she appears a lot older than she did in Vegas. It’s as if she’s grown up so much in such a short period of time. Then again, she’s fully clothed in jeans and has no makeup on, compared to Vegas when she had more makeup on than she had clothes.
“You look good.” I ignore the fact that she’s upset that she dumped her son with a stranger for four weeks and then expected him to be happy to see her. Part of me is happy that he’s behaving that way, but then maybe he takes after me a little too much because he should be glad to see her.
I haven’t exactly been dad of the year with him.
“Yes, I feel so much better. I went to a retreat and realized that I had so much to give, and I shouldn’t have just thought that I couldn’t be the mother I wanted to be to Richard.”
The only sounds are our shoes against the pebbled pathway, and I think about moving quicker so that we can get on the paved path that I made for his stroller so that it was smoother for him to sleep. I only did a few yards, but I had visions of finishing at least a couple of miles so that Kylie could run and push the stroller at the same time.
She continues to say the words I know she came to say.
“I was in a dangerous place. I thought that Richard would be better off with you. You have money…”
“You must have too, if you spent all this time in a retreat.”
She gets defensive. “I know what I did was wrong. Let’s face it. You were in Vegas and just out to have fun.”
We stop walking because now she’s pissing me off.
“So, this is why you dumped your baby on me?”
I meant ‘our baby’, but for some reason, he felt like hers at that particular moment.
She shakes her head. “Wow, so you never bonded with him or anything? So, it’s no big deal if I take him.”
“You are a selfish bitch. First, you’re pregnant and you don’t bother to contact me.” I start waving my hands in the air. I’m angry, fucking pissed. “Then you dump him on me. Then, when you feel better, you come to take him away.”
She slaps me on the face so fucking hard that if I was an animal, any less of a man, I would have hit her back. But, I
don’t. I take it.
“Take your child and get off my property!”
I start walking back to the house.
“What about his things?”
I spit out, “Go buy your fucking own!”
She has money and Richard. Stephanie and dad have Kylie. They should all let me be so I can go back to the way things were before they all came into my life and turned it upside down.
Freedom!
Chapter Fifteen
Kylie
I’m driving for so many miles, and I keep looking at my phone. All it takes is one phone call, and I’ll go running back to Noah. Fuck, I’ll even leave my car. I don’t need it. Just him. But he doesn’t feel that way. I’m not walking out on him. There’s got to be a way. I just need to figure out what it is. I sit back and concentrate on driving.
It’s a long drive, but I know that I’ll find the way. I’ve got to. I’ve been kidding myself for the last three years. I don’t intend to keep living a lie.
As I go directly to the studio and meet with John, I have butterflies in my belly. Mom expects me to go to the house and meet with them first. The truth is, I can’t. The idea that I need to bail them out makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know Noah’s right, but unlike him, I can’t just turn my back on my family.
I didn’t go home and bring Mom with me. I thought that it was best to do this alone. That way, I could figure out the best way to go forward.
“Thanks for coming. I thought that you weren’t going to show up.”
I hadn’t even parked my car in the space, and John was outside waiting for me.
“Wow, John. Nice to see you too.”
He shakes his head. “We can leave the formalities for later. So, far so good. You’ve lost weight. The songs you sent are excellent—a couple fucking good ones are in there. I just need to know that you’re on board.”
I sigh. “Not exactly.”
He starts to panic. “You asked for six weeks. Got you eight. And now you’re bailing out on me?”
“Take a deep breath and hear me out. I just want a back seat in this ride. The label can give me a deal for the songs and just get someone else to sing them. That’s all I love to do—write. I realize that now. Once I wasn’t in the spotlight and on demand, I could perform better.”
