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Again, she’s quiet. I feel as if this is my ticket to freedom. I can go to work on the ranch in peace for the first time in two days. It seems like two years, and I’ve practically built a baby room in that short space of time. I was going to tell her about the stroller in case she feels like taking him out. I even bought a swing, which he loves. I’ll leave that for another day. She just arrived, and I can tell that there’s something on her mind. I never expected that something to be us.
Chapter Six
Kylie
I feel like such a fool. I got my hopes up high. I thought that he wanted us to get together again. Or something? Looking after a baby never featured into the equation. I took the long drive here, and it made me think that he’ll think twice about what happened that night. Sure, it was three years ago, and I'm sure that he's moved on. But, a girl can only hope, right
?
I look horrible.
I sigh as I look in the mirror in the bedroom. I've never thought that way about myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as being the most beautiful girl in the world. My almond-shaped blue eyes and my long fair hair used to be the talk of the town. I’ve got full lips, and some used to call me angelic in the reviews. If they saw me now, they’d be calling me the complete opposite.
I’m nothing like the girl he’s used to seeing, and part of me wanted to change before I drove down here. Mom was messing with my head, so I just threw as many things as I could in the suitcases and left. I wanted to go back to the way that I used to look, but I couldn’t. It’s like I’m stuck in this mode—the one that sleeps too much and takes care of her appearance a lot less.
I decide to go down to get my bags, seeing as Noah ran off the moment I agreed to look after his son. I remember thinking way back then about us having kids. I didn’t expect him to have one with someone else. By the look of things, he doesn’t really know this girl. She just dropped Richard and left? And I thought that I was in a bad way. She must have been even worse off to abandon her baby like that. He says that he doesn’t even know if Richard’s his.
He must be blind to think any other way. Those eyes, nose, and oval lips—clearly, he takes after Noah. I wonder if he’s going to be a heartbreaker when he’s older too. I decide to take the room as far away from Noah's as possible after doing a quick scan of the house. I wanted to be at the other end of the house, but now that I’m a babysitter, I don’t know where I should be. Between his room and Richard’s? Or at least opposite theirs?
When Noah said that he was buying a ranch, I never expected it to be this big. I’ve never been here since he bought it four years ago. The place is huge. My three-bedroom apartment seems pokey compared to this place.
Damn! He’s so lucky. His brother did the same thing and lives on a ranch. But, Jason’s the one member of the family that no one talks about. He used all his inheritance to renovate the ranch that he lived in with his Grandpa until he died a couple of years ago. I wonder if Jason and Noah have made up since then. They drifted apart after their Grandpa died, at least this is what mom told me. I did find it strange considering they're identical twins. I thought that they were supposed to have a secret connection. In their case, it involves not having anything to do with each other.
After an hour of still waiting for Richard to wake up, and having explored every inch of the house, I can’t be bothered to unpack, but then I open my bag. The one that has my dildo. It’s as if I put it in as a last-minute thought. Now, it's staring at me. Seeing as that’s the most sexual activity that I’ll get in a long time, I decide to give it a try. It's been such a long time since I've been horny, I thought that I was dead down there.
The sexual tension between me and Noah could light up a room. That’s the way that it’s been since I can remember. Yet, he didn’t blink an eye when he saw me. It was as if the only thing that he saw was a babysitter.
I sigh as I hold it in my hand. I’m supposed to be looking after a baby, not touching myself. Then, I think that technically I’m not touching myself—I’m using a dildo to pleasure myself. So, I head to the adjoining bathroom and take the baby monitor with me. As I pull down my panties, I sigh, wishing that it was Noah stripping me like he did at the wedding.
I need to get over it. It was three years ago, and he’s moved on. I need to as well. I give myself a minute to settle on top of the toilet and debate whether to go through with it or not. Then, like a kid on Christmas day, I pull down my sweats and my panties. Wow, even my Grannie wouldn’t wear panties like these—they’re big and they scream ‘Not to be touched by anyone!’ at me. I never used to wear things like this. Before, it would have been a sexy lace set. I threw them out when I started to feel this way. Women my age don’t have a collection like this. They’ll have a few Victoria’s Secret pieces for special occasions. Today would be that special day if it weren't for the way Noah reacted when I got here and handed me his son and then took off in a heartbeat.
I reach out and run my hand across my shrouded sex, the place that I’d abandoned months ago when I stopped thinking about sex. I felt like my vagina had closed up the moment I lost my mojo. I didn’t feel sexy or understand the meaning of love. No wonder I couldn’t write, let alone sing about it.
There are other things I can sing about—the injustice of the world, or even animals, but those aren’t topics close to my heart. It would be a false statement, one that I care nothing about or have little interest in. A couple of my songs, including the one that was a hit and the other which was a near miss, were about Noah. I stopped writing them the moment I realized that nothing was going to happen between us. That’s what I said I wanted. Sometimes I wish I’d kept my big mouth shut, I think, as I do the complete opposite with my legs.
I start to think about Noah and what our reunion should have been like as opposed to the reality of the situation. The monitor’s on the floor, on loudspeaker. That doesn’t deter me as my juices begin to seep through my fingers.
How does Noah do that?
He didn’t even attempt anything sexual, yet the thought of him makes me want to stroke myself in a slow, steady rhythm. That’s when a moan escapes my lips as I shorten my motions. I’m strumming my trigger with an increase in urgency. I forget about the dildo as my fingers start doing the work.
I close my eyes and become one with the orgasm that’s fast approaching, as my breath changes to short, sharp bursts, and I know without a doubt that I’m coming. I’m screaming obscenities… I’m so close. But then there’s noise. A scream, and I know that Richard’s woken up. I couldn’t have been in the bathroom for that long, and it feels as if someone’s pulled the plug from inside of me.
I feel empty as the passion drains away, and I start to feel guilty about what I was doing in the bathroom. I’m supposed to be babysitting, not touching myself in the bathroom. As I spring up and wash my hands, I feel the most excitement that I’ve felt in a long time. I wonder what would have happened if Noah had come back and seen me. Would he have joined me?
I didn’t know the answer to the question, but as I grabbed the monitor and headed out of the bathroom, I made a promise to my dildo. “I won’t be needing you. I’m going to get the real thing.”
Noah and I are unfinished business, and I have every intention of making him mine—whether he likes it or not.
Chapter Seven
Noah
I came home and Kylie was fast asleep in the chair where I’d spent last night sleeping when I was checking in on Richard. I should have woken her up and told her that I was home, but there was something calming about watching her sit there.
She looked at peace, not sad like when she first came to the house, and all I could think about was, why did she come if she didn't want to be here? I was tempted to call dad and ask him, but then I remembered that I only call him if I'm desperate—which isn't often.
I get home wanting to take a nap. I was exhausted this morning when I got up at five. Later on, I have to go back to the ranch, so I head to the kitchen and grab something quick to eat. Kylie’s already made bottles, and it even looks as if she's taken him out in the sling, the one that I’d planned on telling her about. I wonder where else she's been in the house. She seems to have made herself at home in one day. I didn't see her or hear them in the house, so they must still be out. I make a quick sandwich, with only one thing on my mind and that's hitting the sack. I'm on my way when my phone rings. I didn't even bother to check who's calling as I blurt out, “Yes!”
“Noah.”
Great, it’s dad. What does he want?
“Is it true?”
How does he know?
“Stephanie called Kylie, and there was a baby in the house. Well, not just any baby, but my grandson. So, is it true?”
If he knows all that, then he knows the answer to the question. To say that the relationship between dad and I is a little str
ained is a bit of an understatement. Ever since he went to my high school graduation and bumped into Stephanie, Kylie’s mom. They got married, and before I knew it, the one woman I’d been craving since junior high became my stepsister.
“Does Jason know?”
I’m just about to hang up when, as usual, dad comes out with the stupidest comment ever. Of course, Jason doesn’t know. Why would I tell him?
“Dad, I’m beat. Richard kept me up during the night, and I’ve been working on the ranch. I’m not in the mood for twenty questions, especially when you already know the answers to the questions you’re asking.”
“Wow, it’s only two, and besides I would have thought that you would call me the minute that you discovered you were a dad.”
No, I called Grandma. The only reason she’s not here is because she’s on some cruise. The moment she comes back she’s going to help me with Richard. Not you.
“Son?”
Why does he insist on calling me the one name I hate so much?
I start to get even more irritated, and I’m debating whether to hang up or not.
“I never told you because I’m due to take the paternity test on Monday. And besides, I thought that you were busy.”
I try to make him feel important once in a while. Dad’s got a business in the city, but to say that he’s busy is a private joke. Everyone in the family laughs about it because he’s the most absent CEO of a company ever. I’m surprised it’s still making money. He’s never in the office. He’s always out with Stephanie, my stepmom doing whatever it is they do. I think that it involves just living off the profits and whatever he managed to get from mom’s death.
“I am busy, but not too busy to hear from my children once in a while.”
Well, Jason can’t stand you. Then again, he can’t tolerate anyone. He decided to go live with our grandparents, and when Granddad died, he took over the ranch. Grandma said that it was too painful to stay there without him, so she divides her time between traveling the world, here, and as little time as possible with dad.
