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“Let me guess. You can't find someone to buy it?”
She nodded, like I expected. It made sense. She didn’t know a thing about business, so she probably didn’t even know how to sell a hotel, or where to go to look for buyers. I didn’t, either, but I had connections and I wouldn’t have floundered so much.
“It’s a good thing you didn’t try selling it on your own,” I told her. “Because you don’t know what you’re doing, you could have gotten ripped off.”
She shrugged, meeting my gaze. “Like you just said, I don’t know what I’m doing. I can't keep it if I can't keep it up. And I couldn’t look after a baby, either. I just saw you and… I tried talking to you, but you barely even looked at me. I wasn’t really thinking when I left him with you.”
I understood that she was at the end of her rope. She had no one to help her out and she could hardly look after a kid when she was having trouble looking after herself.
But… I could hardly help her with that. I’d lost my job and I hadn't thought much about getting another one. I was hardly a catch, let alone a good potential dad. Then again, my house was paid off. I had savings, so money wasn't an issue. It was just everything else. I'd already messed up my marriage and by the look of things, I was quite happy to mess up my life too.
“You could have said something, you know. At the clinic.”
Her expression turned sheepish, and she looked away. “I was kinda mad when you didn’t seem to recognize me, actually. It was petty of me, I know, but I didn’t want to just tell you.”
I winced. “Sorry about that.” I didn’t tell her that I had, technically, been stalking my ex-wife at the time. “Did you give the baby a name?” I asked. “You could have given me even that much, you know.”
“I did,” she said quietly, shooting a sad smile at me. “I named him Makas. I was looking for baby names in this book that used to be my mom’s when I found it. It means hope, so…”
Fuck. My heart tightened in my chest, and I felt guilty all over again.
“You wanted hope,” I said quietly.
She nodded. “I was by myself with a baby, Dan. I needed a lot of hope, even though it got me nowhere. I went to that clinic because I couldn’t afford to go to the local hospital. Even with the insurance cost, it was worth it. I got on a bus and made it there. The baby got his check-up, and you were there. It felt like the hope I was waiting for. But, you have no idea how hard it was for me to just leave the baby with you and walk away.”
Chapter Fourteen
Scarlett
“Now what?” I asked after a long silence.
Dan sighed and started pacing. He looked about as bad as when I’d seen him for the first time, a thick beard on his face and his hair overgrown and left unkempt back in the clinic, but now he looked a little bit better. Even though he was in a rumpled suit. It was how I’d recognized him, actually, though he’d changed suits and had at least taken a shower since then.
“I don’t know, Scarlett,” he admitted. “I mean, I do understand your situation, at least a little bit. But you have to understand that I don’t think I can take care of a baby, either.”
Again, the fear that he would dump the baby on me was back.
“I’m sorry about that, but I can't, either. And I don’t want to give him up for adoption. I was…thinking I could try school again or something. I’ll probably get a crappy job where I can earn enough money to at least take some classes at a community college, then look for something better afterwards…”
But it wasn’t as if life was so simple. There was no guarantee I could get a job at all. And if I was leaving the hotel, that meant I needed to find a place to stay, as well. Doing all that with a baby would only make things even harder for me.
“Couldn’t you have asked me before leaving your baby?” he asked, stopping his pacing and frowning at me. “My situation isn’t any easier, you know. At least the last time I was here, I still had a job.”
I frowned thinking that it made no sense. Did he really expect me to ask him? 'Hey, remember me? The girl that you fucked and left. Can I leave our baby with you for a while, so I can sort myself out?'
"You lost your job? This must be why I found you that day in the park. I went to your office. I remembered you talking about your company. I think that you talked about that more than anything.”
He nodded. “I was still pretty messed up and my head wasn’t in it. I made a bunch of expensive mistakes. I was lucky when the company didn’t fine me to an inch of my life. But I’m unemployed right now, Scarlett.”
I pressed my lips in a flat line. “Do you still have a home?”
Wondering if he managed to lose that too?
“I do. But so do you,” he pointed out.
“I can't keep staying at the hotel,” I said, throwing my arms up, feeling exasperated. “Haven’t I just told you that?”
“I have bills of my own that I have yet to pay. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about a job. I could probably think of something, but not if I have to spend my time worrying about a baby. Have I mentioned I don’t know the first thing about looking after kids? Even my friends wouldn’t leave me alone with their kids!”
I pursed my lips, folding my arms across my chest. This back and forth seemed a lot like we were both just making excuses as to why we couldn’t keep the kid. As much as I wasn’t ready for a baby, I would have wanted to keep Makas with me, if I thought he could have a future that way. I was reluctant to give him up for adoption, because I knew I wouldn’t be getting him back after that. If Dan could just keep him until I could manage things on my own…
But, how long would that take?
“It’s not that I don’t want the baby, but I can't look after him,” I admitted, dropping my arms and trying to plead. “Dan, please. Just look after him for a little bit.”
“Scarlett,” he groaned, rubbing a hand down his face. “I just told you I can't.”
I chewed on my lip. “You owe me at least this much.”
I was fed up of everyone dumping on me. Ben did it when he went to the Navy. He did it to get away from Dad and me. We never spoke about it, but he hated being in the hotel, too many memories of Mom. Dad did it the moment he got a girlfriend and didn`t hesitate in taking everything, including the damn car.
He scowled at me. “Excuse me?”
“You do,” I insisted. “I’ve said this already, but try and think of what it was like for me. I was left alone with this huge responsibility and another one on the way. I didn’t have a way to contact you! I only found you by complete coincidence, and what do you think I would have done if I hadn't?”
My voice cracked, and I paused to take a break. Dan was completely still, his face expressionless as he stared at me. I figured he was letting me get everything off my chest, and I took advantage of the opportunity.
I had a lot I needed to vent, and no friends to vent out to.
“After my dad left, I really tried, Dan. Some guests would come, and I would do what I usually did. I looked after them. But there weren’t that many people and it only brought in so much before the bills caught up with me. After a couple months, I couldn’t even afford to feed the guests. In the third month came the morning sickness. I was tired all the time and throwing up, I couldn’t look after guests and myself at the same time. I’d missed my period for the months before, so I’d already figured by that point that I was pregnant.”
