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We sat in silence for some minutes, until I broke it.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hmm?” she looked up. Her cheeks were stuffed as she hurriedly chewed her food. I chuckled before I could hold it in, and she looked down at her puffed out cheeks pinked. “Sorry about that,” she said once she’d swallowed. “But can I ask what it is you’re apologizing for now? Because you seem to be giving out a lot of apologies lately…”
I pursed my lips. “Well, you can’t exactly say they aren’t deserved, right?”
She stopped eating to meet and hold my gaze, giving me her full attention. As soon as she did, though, I ducked my head down, because I was feeling too ashamed.
“About leaving,” I said quietly. “When I could have stuck around, and I chose not to. That was my mistake. I just…didn’t want to be so close to the ranch. Even after I’d left I kept thinking about it. And…it just brings up too many bad memories.”
“Memories of your parents,” she said. Because she understood.
I may not have opened up much to my brother or grandpa, but before I left her, Rachel and I had been close. I’d always thought she was the woman I’d end up marrying, but then I left.
“I just had to,” I said, looking up, wanting her to understand. “It was too painful to stick around…”
“And I didn’t help,” she continued. “When I kept telling you just to go, visit your grandpa…”
I huffed a small laugh. “He was more interested in seeing just you, anyway. And even then, it was the worst excuse to use when all I wanted to do was run away; I was just too ashamed to admit it.”
Rachel hummed her agreement, but she was smiling at me. “I understood, Jason. Even though I didn’t agree. But…we said we’d leave it in the past already, right? This is the present. Can we focus on that?”
I nodded slowly, feeling warmth spread in my chest for the first time in a while as I watched her stuff her face.
Chapter Twelve
Rachel
The next time Jason came to me with offerings of food, it was in the form of a picnic. He knocked on the door, and I looked up ready with a smile. Jason lifted the basket he was holding in his hand.
“Want to take a walk around with me?” he offered.
After I made sure there was someone to look in on my son, we left. I hadn’t called back for the babysitter, I hadn’t even gone back home for long, save for a couple of times to get more clothes and stuff. I’d practically moved in.
Jason didn’t seem to mind.
We walked around aimlessly for a bit, just enjoying the ranch. I knew the acreage was pretty large, though I didn’t know just how large. It was all beautiful, the empty fields full of grass and flowers with some trees spotted here and there, and even the crop fields with the years’ yields. I hadn’t had the time to just wander around over the grounds because Jason had never brought me by.
We found a beautiful, isolated spot on the ranch, where we sat under a few fruit trees to enjoy the shade. Jason set up the blanket, then spread out the food. I helped, and our hands kept brushing each other as we picked stuff out.
The first time it happened, my breath hitched, and it was like electricity shot through my body, for the first time in a long time. The second time, my body shivered. By the third time it happened, I was pretty sure Jason was doing it deliberately. Once the basket was empty, and I was reaching for some of the food to try it out, Jason caught my wrist and held it. I looked up to meet his eyes, my heart already beating fast in my chest.
“Rachel,” he whispered my name.
That was all it took. We were all over each other, and I was pretty sure I’d been the one to lean in for a kiss first. Because Jason had always been like that for me, so fucking hard to resist, from the first time met him. Though there was quite a gap in between that and when we started dating. But, I hardly cared about that as I attacked Jason’s clothes, trying to yank them off him. He did the same for me, pulling my t-shirt up and over my head before I could realize what was happening, with an arm wrapped around my waist to hold my body closer to his.
“Jason,” I moaned when he pulled back from the kiss to kiss and lick along my neck. “Just what the fuck are we doing?”
He groaned against my neck, giving a little nip that made me gasp.
“We’re doing what we both want to do,” he said, his voice rough. “What I’ve thought of since the day I walked away from you. I regretted it almost immediately, and I wanted to come back so many times…”
But his pride was in the way. I didn’t need him to tell me; I was the one who knew him the most, after all. He bit down in the space where my shoulder and neck met, and I was arching into him with another gasp.
“I want you, Rachel,” he whispered like he was admitting a terrible secret, voice hoarse. “Badly. Do you want me?”
I slid my fingers into his hair, and after a little bit more of him teasing my neck, before he could move lower to my chest, I yanked on his hair. He pulled back, just far enough so he could look at me.
“Of course I want you,” I told him, frowning. “Why would you ever think differently?”
He smiled sadly up at me, resting his chin on my breasts and making my breath hitch.
“Why wouldn’t you hate me? I’ve given you reason, haven’t I? After I walked away from you…”
I ducked down to press a slow kiss on his lips. He had his eyes closed when I pulled back, expression one of pleasure, and it made me smile.
“You walked away,” I agreed. His eyes opened, but they weren’t sad when he looked at me this time. “But, I didn’t try to stop you, either. I could have done…a lot of things, and I thought of them while I was going through the pregnancy alone. I was so scared, Jason, and I was so mad at myself when I kept thinking of all the things that could have been done differently. But I never got over you, I never even tried. That’s why you found me at the ranch when you came. I thought I should keep away from you for my sake, but still, I came when Nathan told me you were coming. I couldn’t help myself.”
It wasn’t an easy thing to admit, because I had my pride, and for a while, I’d believed Jason had completely shattered it. But, I did hold my share of the blame. Neither of us changed our numbers, and yet, in all that time I’d been left to myself, the person I reached out to was Nathan, not Jason. That had been my mistake.
“I’m glad I saw you there,” he said. “I wasn’t at the time. I was annoyed at my grandpa, and…at you, too. At myself, because I missed you, and I didn’t try to contact you over a stupid misunderstanding.”
I didn’t get the chance to say anything on the matter because he was kissing me again. It was slightly different from before, just as passionate, but not as desperate. He licked at the seam of my lips, and I opened for him, then groaned as his tongue slid into my mouth. He licked at the roof of my mouth, my tongue, then under it, rolling it against his. I wrapped my arms tight around him as he coaxed my tongue into his mouth and sucked gently on it. I could feel a throbbing start in between my thighs, and I squirmed against him.
“Jason,” I moaned out in a whisper when he let me breathe again.
The squirming wasn’t helping m current state much. Even though my bra, my nipples brushed against his hard chest, and the friction had them hardening, which just made me brush my chest against his even more. He hadn’t touched me much, and already, I was gasping for breath.
Jason moved us around, and my body went willingly. He lay me down on the blanket, then straddled my legs.
“Now that I have you back, I promise I won’t let go this time,” he said as he kissed my neck, down to my chest. “Never again.”
My heart swelled at his words, and I realized there was something he didn’t know yet. Something important that I had to tell him, about our little boy Jack. Before I could think about it, though, he breathed over my breasts, and the thought was lost. I had my bra on, but I felt extra sensitive.
I pushed at his chest, so he moved back. I pulle
d down the straps of my bra to release my breasts, but didn’t take it off completely. I knew I was blushing, and it was more because I was half naked outside, where just anyone could see if they passed by, even though I’d already been feeling warm from our…activities.
“You’re worried someone will catch us,” Jason guessed, obviously reading the embarrassment in my expression, smirking down at me. “You don’t have to, you know.”
I scowled up at him, pouting. “Of course, I do. The ranch hands walk all over this place, you know…”
“Not this spot,” he promised, pecking a kiss on my forehead. “Not today.” Another peck on my cheek. “I’ve worked with them for a while, so I know they shouldn’t come by this way today.” A peck on my lips.
I was smiling up at him by the end of it. “We’re still going to be quick about this.”
“Not too quick,” he said.
Before I could voice my opinion, he’d ducked his head to my chest, and he ran his tongue over my nipple. The action was so sudden, so unexpected, that I squeaked out even as my body shivered at the lovely sensations. He did it again, and again, just licking that one spot, already driving me crazy. Then he wrapped his mouth around me and sucked. I let out a loud gasp, my back arching.
“Jason,” I whimpered. “Please!”
