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I swallowed hard as the realization came crashing through my brain like a wave. I might have had to admit it to myself, but I didn't have to act on it. I knew he didn't share my feelings and I needed him in my life again. I would just have to keep it to myself. I couldn't let him know.
"Engaged, huh?" His voice sounded like music. I hadn't heard it in so long. The deep tone washed over me and propelled me back to all those nights we spent together in the shop working on his bike as he talked for hours about his plans for the future.
A future that was here now. A little bit of the surreal curtain that I'd been watching the world through for the last few weeks lifted and I realized I didn't know anything about who my brother had grown up to be. Why was he wearing a suit? Not just some borrowed jacket and tie, this looked expensive. It was tailored to him. The fabric was supple and moved with his body, following his movements perfectly. Why did my brother even own a suit?
"Yeah." I was happy for the chance to talk about something, "Richard and I met when I was in grad school." I looked down at my hands as I picked at a pesky little hangnail. The hangnail wouldn't be there at all if I didn't pick at my fingers when I was nervous, but it gave me something to focus on so I wouldn't stare at him. "He's a county supervisor." I looked up and smiled proudly, "He's running for state assembly right now so he's, uhhh, really busy." I felt my lower lip jut out. I didn't meant to pout like a child, but Richard's career had meant that he missed out on much of my own life. He worked late, he spent a lot of time out of town, I was very proud of him-- or was I proud that I was marrying someone important? I wasn't sure anymore.
The funeral planning had been hard on me. Richard hadn't been there to help or offer emotional support through the death of my parents or the funeral planning. Honestly, I was a little surprised he had made it to the funeral at all and even now, he had disappeared somewhere. I last saw him walking out to the far corner of the parking lot with a sandwich in one hand and his cell phone in the other.
Erik looked at me hard for a moment as though he were carefully considering everything I was telling him about Richard and my new, grown up, life. I told him about the ne
w house, and my job, and Richard and my plans for the future.
I took a deep breath and decided it was his turn, "So. What the hell happened to you?" I nodded toward the suit with a raised eyebrow.
Erik laughed. A deep, rich sound that I missed. "Well I rode that Honda all over the goddamn country for starters. Met a girl a few years back, thought about getting married myself." He watched me carefully when he said it, as though he was gauging my reaction. I tried to act nonchalant. I did my best not to show jealousy. It's OK if he gets married. It's OK if he meets a girl. He's just my brother.
When I didn't say anything he went on, "That didn't work out." He said it quietly as he began closing the short distance between us until he was standing directly in front of me, looking down at me. His expression soft and caring, "I missed you."
I couldn't tell if it was the beginning of a new thought or the tail end of the old one. Did he mean it didn't work out because he missed me? The butterflies flew high in my chest and a feeling of hope materialized in my gut. I pushed it away. I was acting stupid. Like that tipsy little girl that had that had gone too far and scared him away all those years ago. I couldn't let him think I still wanted him like that. No more crossing the line. He's just my brother.
Erik stared down at me for a moment before taking a deep breath and taking a step away again, "I ran out of money." He laughed as he said it, I expected him to finish the sentence with a big fat "duh" but instead he explained that he had ended up getting a job in a small shop somewhere in Alaska. Something and something and... wait. I lost track of what he'd been saying. I'd been watching the way the muscles in his back moved under the soft fabric of the suit jacket as he paced the small garden. I could swear he just said "Billionaire."
I looked up at him, my head tilted to one side like a parakeet, "Say again?" I asked.
He stopped his nervous pacing and held me in his gaze. "He left it all to me." He said it with a matter of fact tone. "All of it. Not just the shop, the planes, the hangars, the land.
"Everyone knew he owned the airport up there, but he also owned a couple sections of land in North Dakota. I got that too. He didn't have kids, his wife had passed away several years before I even met him. He left everything to me. No one knew what it was worth."
It started to sink in. My brother had inherited a small Alaskan airport and air taxi service. Sounded exactly like the sort of thing Erik would get into but he had said "billionaire." That's a lot of money. A collection of small planes doesn't usually appraise that high.
"OK." He smiled, "maybe not quite billionaire, but it's likely that I will be within 5 years if the natural gas boom continues the way it's been going."
Suddenly the familiar voice of my long lost brother gave way to number crunching businessman. Now the suit started to make sense, it fit with this new side of my stepbrother I was seeing as Erik went on to explain that some of the property that he'd inherited had been found to be rich in natural gas deposits. Leases had been set up with mineral companies and his new property currently contained several wells that were bringing in hundreds of thousands of dollars a month.
My mind swam as I tried to comprehend the numbers he was discussing with ease. Obscenely rich looked good on my brother but I missed the long haired renegade with the motorcycle.
Deep down, I knew it didn't matter. Erik was still the only man I'd ever truly wanted and now that he was back, I wondered how long I would be able to hide my feelings for him.
***
Erik had been in town for 2 weeks. He had considered staying at Mom and Dad's but found it brought back too many memories so he'd taken up residence at a local hotel.
Richard continued his regular treks back and forth to the capital and I tried to balance work with settling my parents' estate and the emotional turmoil of catching up with my long lost step brother while simultaneously trying to ignore my attraction to him while we avoided any discussion of what had happened between us in the past.
I spent the evenings in the house I grew up in, going through my parents' personal items trying to decide what to keep, what to give away, what to donate to charity, and what to sell while listening to Erik fill me in on the life he'd been living for the last 6 years.
