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Erik finally seemed to make a physical effort to calm down. He perched himself on the edge of the reception desk. Even under the threat of bad news, I couldn't help but admire the way his jeans clung to the muscles in his thighs, his broad shoulders currently slouched slightly with his hands bracing against the edges of the desk, making the muscles in his arms tighten, showing off the blue veins running down his forearms and along the backs of his strong hands.
"It's about Richard." He said it with such finality, my heart leapt into my throat. Guilt washed over me, leaving me sick to my stomach. Oh no. Here I was, fantasizing about what it would be like to run my hands over Erik's chest and he's about to tell me that my fiance has been in a terrible accident!
The guilt left a thick layer of desperation in its wake. So soon after my parents. I felt the room start to spin as the implications hit me with gale force. I was so overcome with the assumption that something terrible had happened to my fiance that I barely heard the rest of what Erik was telling me. The words started to penetrate the fog that had settled into my brain and I slowly started to understand that I had misinterpreted Erik's tone.
It had been anger I'd seen when he walked in. Nothing terrible had happened to my fiance, something terrible was happening to me, "...just one, either. Kelse, he's got 'em everywhere. Everyone knows except you."
I tried to focus on what he was saying. It didn't make any sense. Richard wasn't cheating on me. He'd been a virgin when we met. He had been nothing but devoted to me since our first date. Except for being a workaholic, Richard was every woman's ideal man. He certainly wasn't the philandering manwhore that Erik was describing to me now.
"I had a feeling something was up when we went to the races a few weeks ago. There was a blonde there who kept hanging around us. He introduced her to me as a friend and said she worked for the track but I just had a bad feeling about her. I caught them sneaking off to one of the offices together, but I couldn't be 100% you know. I didn't really see them do anything. But then there was another woman at the golf course, and another woman who stopped by our table at lunch the other day. Kelse, I had him followed."
I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Richard? My Richard?
After Erik had left, I had a hard time dating. I just couldn't find any one else who measured up and every time I liked a boy I found myself terrified that he would leave. I had agreed to go out with Richard because he was nothing like Erik. He was all button down shirts and slacks and carefully combed hair, worrying about his image and planning his future career. He played safe. He was safe. I knew exactly what my life would be like with him. I could trust him.
Then Erik came back into my life, reminding me of who I used to be, who I wanted to be. A stark contrast to the predictable professional politician's wife I was becoming. And now Erik was telling me that the man I'd trusted to have and to hold was sticking his dick in every tramp in a 130 mile radius.
"Fuck you!" I spat the words out. They didn't match the feelings in my gut but they were the first words that my brain formed. And they were aimed at my brother. I was suddenly mad as hell but I was mad as hell at the man who'd abandoned me. The man who couldn't handle finding out that his stepsister had a little crush on him. The man who had been my best friend, my first love, my whole world and then just packed up and dis-a-fucking-peared because I got a little drunk and went too far one night.
"SIX YEARS!" The hurt was spilling out, the tears threatened behind the anger, Erik recoiled as if I'd hit him and his face went white with shock. "Six fucking years and you couldn't even fucking send me an email? Mom and Dad didn't even talk about you, what did you tell them? What would make them think that they couldn't even mention you to me?"
"You were my best friend, Erik! You just walked out! I am so fucking sorry! I was a kid. I was drinking. I got carried away. But you left. You never gave me a chance to say I was sorry. I'm all grown up now. I'm not some stupid little girl who has a crush on her own brother."
The anger was getting choked out by sobs now, "For fuck's sake, Erik. I'm not even your real sister. It's not like I was some twisted pervert or anything. I can't believe you disappear for six years and then you waltz back into my life and announce that you're a gazillionaire now and talk about how fucking perfect everything is in your life and then you come in down here to ruin mine?"
"Well fuck you." The sobs took over. I stood in front of him with the tears running down my cheeks, I could feel my face red from the pressure of trying to hold back the tears while I ranted. I managed to choke out my final thought on the matter, "I can't believe you hate me so much that you would make up something so horrible just to get revenge. I had no idea I screwed up your life so bad."
Erik winced with every insult I hurled at him as though I was throwing tiny daggers into his flesh. When I finally broke down into tears and couldn't put any more words together I stared at him through the tears while I tried to catch my breath. I saw his expression soften and then he stood up and faced me. He worked his jaw a few times as though he were going to say something in reply but then he just closed his mouth and frowned at me.
I sensed that I had genuinely hurt him. Part of me wanted to take it all back. I hated to see the pain in his eyes as he looked at me now. Deep down, I knew he wasn't lying about Richard. If I'd had any doubts about his sincerity they were washed away now by the look in his eyes that told me he had only told me because he loved me and didn't want to see me hurt. But another part of me was angry at him for all the reasons I'd just told him.
I just wanted him to leave. To go back to his new life and let me go on with mine. It was too hard having him here.
Erik closed the distance between us in 2 long strides. One more step and he'd managed to push me up against the wall behind me. There was suddenly no space between us at all. He pinned me against the wall with the length of his body pressing against mine, his hands planted firmly on either side of my head as his mouth descended onto mine.
It happened so fast and without warning. I had no way of preparing for it or defending myself against it. My head was forced back to lift my face to his and my sobs were stifled by his tongue firmly insisting itself between my lips. I tasted the salt from my tears between us. His tongue moving into the privacy of my mouth and sliding against mine. He gave me no option to reply except by returning the kiss.
My hands flew up and I braced myself against his chest. My first impulse was to push him away but at the first touch against his solidness I surrendered.
We stood there against each other, locked in the kiss for what seemed an eternity. My anger melted away and my body came alive. I felt the electricity between us, coiling up in my gut and sparking at every point where our bodies met. My nipples hardened, heat rushed down my core and nestled between my thighs.
I began to move my hands upward, over the swell of his pecs to the ripped shoulder muscles, into the little curls that were starting to escape the once perfectly razored line at the back of his hair. I felt his heart beat faster, I felt his hardness pressing into my groin.
His hands moved up and caught mine, grasping my wrists, he firmly pulled my hands down and pressed them against my own chest as he broke the line of contact between our bodies and pulled away from our kiss.
He was breathing heavily, his eyes still closed as he rested his forehead against mine for a moment, "I have always loved you." His voice rasped a little more than a whisper as he kissed me on my forehead and stood and turned away.
Before I could respond, he had unlocked the door and was walking very fast toward the little BMW that he'd been driving since he arrived.
He was gone.
He said he loved me.
But he'd left. Again.
***
The next few days passed in a haze. I couldn't think about anything except that kiss and Erik's voice echoing his confession though my head...right before he walked out. Again.
