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Novelty wears off, no matter how cute the baby, and, don’t get me wrong, Maggie is a real cute baby, but she’s super hard work too. That doesn’t mean she isn’t worth it, there isn’t a day that passes that I’d want to change what happened, it’s just I have to make sure that Liam doesn’t think he can pop in and out whenever he feels like it.
When I go to her room, she’s sleeping soundly, which based on her behavior lately, I have to say is a rare treat.
I go to my own, lay down and think about what all this means.
Liam is mixed up in a whole world of shit I had no idea about, but it’s clear that he wants out as soon as possible, while I grind out a lifestyle which must be taking several years off my life expectancy. I’m not one of these girls who hates waitressing but feels like there are no other options, and I’m not one of those other types of girls who are born to do it and die in the profession. I fall somewhere in the middle. The hours are flexible, the tips can be good and it fits around everything else I’ve got, as long as the restaurant and managers are decent. The thing is, I know I can’t do it forever.
Telling Liam about Maggie was one of the hardest things I think I’ve ever done in my life, but I know for a fact that if he is actually serious about giving us a go, the real difficulties will have only just begun for us. Couples with kids argue all the time and for a couple that doesn’t even know each other that well, it could be impossible.
If it weren’t Liam, I might be inclined to not even bother, but because it’s him, I will do everything in my power for us to succeed.
It’s a two-way thing, though, and if Liam can’t put up his side, I’ll have invested everything and got out nothing.
Five.
Liam
I want to tell everyone everywhere I go, that I’m a dad. Not only that I’m a dad, that I have the best-looking daughter in the world, and that her mother, Jasmine, is the perfect woman for me.
I see kids in the street and feel proud, look at their parents and feel an instant connection.
I do as Jasmine says, I speak to parents that I know and parents that I don’t, if the situation allows it, and the overwhelming response I get from them is that although it’s the hardest job in the world, there isn’t a day goes by that they regret it. Dads grumble more than moms, but even the dads, beyond all the whingeing and whining think that what they have done to create the child they now have in front of them is clearly their best achievement.
I’m well aware that things between Jasmine and I are in their very early stages. We are going to butt heads on certain things, have arguments down the line, there will be upset and disappointment and the inevitable crossed word but even with all of that thrown into the mix with a two-month-old baby that hasn’t even see its first tooth, I’m confident we can all make this work.
Why am I so confident? It’s a hunch. Nothing more than that. I don’t know Jasmine all that well, but I feel her. I feel her when she’s with me and when she’s not it feels like there is a part of the world missing. A Jasmine shaped hole in my heart that can’t be filled by anything but the girl herself.
And as for Maggie, Maggie will be difficult, there’s no avoiding that. Bringing up a child is not an easy task. She’ll be the center of attention to the extent that everything else that we want will go out of the window, but, do you know what? In my heart of hearts, I know she’ll be worth it, and I know Jasmine and I will get through it.
My feelings for Jasmine have only increased in the year we spent absent from each other. I’ve been moving along aimlessly for so much of my life that now this has happened, I finally feel like I’ve got purpose. I was going to pay my debts and disappear without a plan, but right now I have the plan I was always looking for. When football was taken away from me, I didn’t have anything left to grip onto, which is why my life went spinning out of control in the way that it did. I’ve had the fighting circuit for the last few years but that’s coming to an end, and it was never really my scene anyway, despite the fact I’m so good at it. When my debt is paid off and I finally leave this world behind, what perfect gift but Jasmine and Maggie to spend the rest of my life with.
One look into that girl’s eyes and I knew. One look into Maggie’s and there is no way, whatever happens in this world, that I will do anything but protect her.
The week goes glacier slow. At home, I feel like I’m the cooler king, while I bounce a baseball off the wall and back into my hand, thinking about all the cool stuff I can teach her, all the places Jasmine and I can go on vacation, even the other brothers and sisters we can give her.
I don’t hear from Jasmine, but I don’t expect to. I want to respect the distance she has asked for and treat this decision seriously. I’m not the kind of person who says they are going to do something only to back out when it gets difficult, but I think she already knows that. The week will convince her as much as it will convince me, so, as much as I want to call her too, I hold off.
I gather as much information as possible about babies and I buy Maggie a teething toy just in case she doesn’t have one. I’d buy that kid and her mother the world if I could and I knew it would make them happy.
I go to one of the fights, but I don’t compete. I do it to get out of the house, soak up the atmosphere and distract myself from having to wait to see her. My wrist is still fucked up from the last encounter, but the guys I see are so bad I could probably beat them all with one hand tied behind my back.
The atmosphere chokes me after a while and even though it’s been part of my life for so long, I can’t bare to spend more that fifteen minutes in the throng. I can’t wait for this to be over, but when it is, I’ll have to find something else to be able to support my new family.
Maggie can’t have a daddy wound up in this world, no matter how much it pays and no matter how good he is at it. I would take flipping burgers at six bucks an hour with Maggie and Jasmine rather than ten thousand dollars for ten minutes work and never see them again.
On the last day before I get to call Jasmine again, I have an appointment with my financial manager to settle this month’s transaction. We have a cordial, almost friendly relationship, despite the fact that behind his business suit, sits a man capable of committing the most heinous crimes imaginable, and I hate coming here, but I know that every time I do is one time less I have to again.
In the ring, one on one, I’d destroy him. Here, out in the real world, this man terrifies me so much I feel like even if I thought about him in a bad way he’d be able to pick up on it and then punish me severely.
Despite all of that, I get the impression he likes me. I’ve always paid my debts on time, I’ve never complained about the high rate of interest and I’ve never proved anything but reliability.
“Almost paid off”, Frank says, marking the amount in his journal, which he gets me to sign alongside his name.
“Almost”, I say.
“Something bothering you, Liam?” he asks. “You look concerned today.”
I shrug. “Wrist hurts, which meant I couldn’t fight this week, maybe that’s it.”
Frank, the perceptive fucker that he is, knows I’m lying. He closes his journal, leans back into his chair and says, “huh”, before tilting his head to the side and giving me the long stare.
I know all about this man. I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I know if he wanted to, he could make me disappear. I’m not in debt to his organization for anything more than money, so I feel like I’m on relatively safe ground, but that’s a bit like saying I’m standing on a wedge of ice while it floats down a lava river.
“I like you, Liam”, he says. “You’re a good fighter. A crowd pleaser, but talented too.”
“Thank you”, I say.
“You ever hear of Francisco O’Connor?”
I shake my head.
“They used to call him Irish. Italian mother, Irish father, best fighter I ever saw. Maybe a bit before your time. He was unstoppable, used to dance around his opponents and toy with t
hem. Never got beaten, not once.”
“What happened to him?” I ask, already not liking where this story is going.
Frank pauses for a while to take a bottle of whiskey out of the desk drawer to his right, which he places on the desk between us with two tumblers.
“He found a girl”, Frank says. “Same thing that happens to all men eventually, he fell in love.”
Frank pours the whiskey and passes one of the tumblers over to me.
“Who is she?” he asks.
“That obvious, huh?” I say.
“I know that look, Liam. I’ve seen it a number of times in a number of different people.”
The last thing I want to do is tell him about my family, but then if I lie to him, he’s going to know it too. I sip strategically at the whiskey, stalling for time, while I think how I’m going to proceed.
“The best thing that’ll ever happen to me”, I say, with a smile.
“You’re a good kid, Liam”, he says. “It’s a shame you couldn’t meet my grandfather, he would have liked you.”
“Irish?” I guess.
“Best decision he ever made. My grandfather loved boxing, but he loved his family even more. I have a word of advice for you, Liam. If you truly love this girl, do everything in your power to make it work. I wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t done the same.”
“There’s nothing else I want in this world”, I say. “I’ve never been so convinced of it.”
“There are going to be some very happy people in this world when they find out you’re hanging up your fists. Others, not so much.”
“No?”
“Like I said, Liam. You’re a dead cert in the ring, an easy bet. People like that.”
“Somebody else will come along.”
I finish the whiskey, eager to leave.
“You’re twenty thousand still in the hole”, Frank says. “Make sure you stay focused.”
I pass the tumbler across the table to rest it alongside the bottle. “I’ll see you next month, Frank, thank you for the whiskey.”
“Good luck, Liam”, Frank says with a smile. “Pass on my regards to the little one.”
That chills my blood.
“How?” I stutter, forgetting for a moment who I’m talking to.
Frank takes off his glasses, amused at the reaction he’s provoked in me. “I’m where I am because I’m good at reading people, and you’ve got baby written all over you.”
