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“I don’t know, Al, that might seem a little weird.”
“It’s less weird that saying, ‘Hey Logan, I can’t decide between you and your brother, despite not knowing either of you that well, do you guys mind sharing me in an x-rated threeway?’ And I’ve got a car remember, we’ve just crushed yours.”
“Do you really think that could work?” I ask.
“It depends on a number of things. How open he is to double dating, how good his relationship with Jack is, whether he even remembers you from the other day”, Alice says.
“Don’t say that, you’re giving me doubts.”
“It’ll work”, Alice sounds confidently. “There’s less pressure like that, and Jack and you already know each other.”
“That might make him jealous”, I argue.
Alice sighs again. “You can’t have it both ways”, she says. “Either you follow your heart, and believe that this is meant to be, with both of them, or you follow your head and be sensible, call Logan and forget all about Jack, which is exactly what I would do. You’ve waited so long to meet a decent guy, I really don’t want you to fuck it up.”
“Thanks, Alice, that means a lot.”
“And remember, you barely know either of these two men. They could be assholes for all you know, players, pricks or pathetic losers. Get to know them both if you can, just one of them if you can’t, don’t fall head over heels in love straight away and don’t let either one of them hurt you. I’ve picked up the pieces before, and I’ll pick them up again if I need to but it hurts me more than I can even express to see such an amazing person like you being taken advantage of.”
“I’ll be careful”, I say. “I promise.”
Alice doesn’t look convinced, and I understand why. If what I feel now is any indication of where this could end up, I might not recover at all if it doesn’t turn out exactly how I want. I wish I could settle for one, but now I’ve seen them both, I know that just half of the pair is never going to be enough to satisfy me.
That night, after several hours of quiet contemplation, I enter Logan’s cell phone number into my phone. It takes me another hour and a half to build up the courage to connect the call.
Chapter Thirteen
“Pacing is not going to help you”, Alice says.
“I like pacing”, I say. “It makes me feel normal. Sherlock Holmes paces, Poiret loved to pace. Even Ironman sees the benefit.”
“None of those people are real, Penny.”
“How can you be so calm?” I say.
“Because there is nothing to worry about, that’s why. I’ll be there, you can chill out. Just be yourself.”
“If I’m myself”, I argue, “I’m going to scare them both off. I had to practically sit on my hands during the interview with Jack to stop myself from tapping away.”
“It’s never bothered you before”, Alice says.
“It’s never been as important before”, I say. “This is probably the most important moment of my entire life.”
“If it’s meant to be”, Alice reminds me, “Then they’ll love you for who you really are, obsessions and all.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Then it’s not meant to be. It’s as simple as that.”
I don’t know why I’m so worked up. Alright, that’s a lie, I know exactly why I’m so worked up. Twins. The sexiest man I have ever seen in my life, doubled. If that’s not enough to get a sweat on about, one of them also happens to be my future boss, the man in prime position to guide my potential dream career, while the other does the kind of things I always fantasized about doing myself. I could not be more excited about what’s about to happen, and the more excited I get about it the more nervous I become too. With nerves come ticks and with ticks come the kind of OCD behaviors that people get locked up and subjected to electric shock therapy for. This is a huge deal, a massive deal, a make or break my future deal and I’m finding the whole thing really overwhelming.
Logan was a sweetheart on the phone, while I bumbled through our conversation like an alzheimer sufferer bumbles through a family meeting, and the last thing I want to do is disappoint him.
A superhero needs a worthwhile love interest and right now, I’m not sure I’m anywhere near qualified. Mary Jane Watson, Lois Lane and even Cinderella all have strong attributes that complement their leading men and offer something important that even the most resilient of those men will eventually admit to needing. I have a secret erotic drawing obsession and mild to extreme OCD, depending on the situation. Who’s going to need that?
“I should have told him”, I say. “I could have warned him in advance.”
“If he saw you for any length of time before giving you his cell phone number in the first place, he probably already knows”, Alice argues.
“He didn’t say anything on the phone.”
“Come on, Penny. You’re overthinking this. Who’s going to bring something like that up over the phone if you don’t mention it first? It might be why he likes you.”
I stop to widen my eyes at her, before breaking back into a steady pace.
“He could have any girl he wants”, I say.
“And he waited for you to call him. Not every man would do that, which has got to tell you something. He also has a very close relationship with Jack and he didn’t seem at all bothered that you suggested he came along too.”
“He wasn’t”, I admit. “He liked the idea.”
“Well then.”
Alice catches my wrist as I swing past her, dragging me down into the couch with a nifty pull.
“Stop pacing”, she says. “It’s not going to help.”
“It might”, I suggest.
Alice shakes her head. “It won’t, believe me. Pacing didn’t help Poiret solve the crime, the facts took him to that conclusion. We don’t have a crime here, but we can make an assumption based on the facts we have. Logan was delighted to hear from you, and he was excited about meeting you tonight.”
“Very excited”, I say.
“Then let him do just that”, Alice says. “Let him get to know the real you. The amazing, creative, incredibly talented Penny. The person that is proud of the erotic drawings she scribbles onto the walls of restrooms and subway stations, and is not embarrassed to admit that she sometimes likes to check she’s locked her door after leaving home, or count prime numbers in her head, or drink from two glasses instead of one. It’s not the things that we do differently to other people that make us weird, they are what make us unique. And believe me, everyone has their idiosyncrasies, I know I definitely have mine. If either of those sexy superhero HD twins have an issue, I’m the first one they’re going to have to deal with, okay?”
I nod. I don’t know what to say. Alice has proved again that she knows exactly what to say to calm me down. “Thanks, Alice”, I finally settle on. “I’d be lost without you.”
“You’d still be pacing without me.”
“I think I’m done with pacing for now.”
“Thank God for that, you were making me dizzy”, Alice says.
“I got a bit worked up”, I admit.
Alice takes my hand. “Are you calmer now?”
“Definitely calmer.”
“Good. Now go and get ready before I start to panic, you can’t turn up in your pajamas after all, that would be way too suggestive.”
Chapter Fourteen
I’ve had a handful of first date experiences in my life, all but one of which were absolutely disastrous. The one time where I didn’t have to escape, or have someone escape from me was with Casper, and we all know how that one turned out. We have decided to meet in a bar, which suits my economic status way better than a sit down meal, and it means if something does go horribly wrong, it shouldn’t be too difficult to flee.
Before Alice and I leave the house, dressed up but not overstated, I have to have a double shot of bourbon just to calm my nerves.
“Remember you’re not on trial”, Alice says, offering a
few final words of encouragement, but to be fair, I would have chosen a different outfit if I was. I’ve gone for an outfit that best represents me, which might not communicate my intentions as much as something else might, but definitely doesn’t devalue me either.
After all, as open as I might be to a dirty as hell, butt-clenching, multiple-orgasmic, screaming-the-windows-out-of-their-frames menage on a first date, I still want to come across as classy.
