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“Logan pretends to be jealous, but I know he really doesn’t mind”, I say.
Alice adds the finishing touches to the bouquet. “And you don’t feel guilty? You know, if you’re with Logan more than Jack or the other way round.”
“I feel the same way about them both”, I say. “Which I know sounds a bit crazy, but it’s true.”
Alice isn’t looking at me because she’s pretending to be busy with another bouquet, but I know if she weren’t avoiding eye contact, she’d be looking at me with the suspicious glare of concern a best friend saves for someone playing dangerously with her emotions. “And how is that?” she says.
“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, Al”, I say.
“You said that about Casper”, Alice reminds me.
“I’m much more grown up now”, I say, reaching for a discarded rose and peeling the petals off one by one. “I’ve learned from my mistakes.”
“You’ve known them both for a couple of weeks”, she says. “And I know you. Just don’t hurt yourself.”
“I’m not”, I say, a little bit more defensively than I mean to. “I’m taking it slowly.”
“Every day this week slowly?” Alice asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
“If you were me, and the same thing happened to you in the first hour of your new job, you’d realize that we are going slowly.”
Alice clears the discarded flowers from her counter, takes the rose away from me and dumps the whole lot in the bin, ready to begin again on another bouquet.
“I hate weddings”, she says. “Funerals are so much easier. Valentine’s days are simple. Weddings are an absolute headache. I’ve been here since six this morning sorting through all this stuff.” Behind her are all the sets she’s already prepared, which include table centrepieces, buttonholes and a number of other bouquets that must just be for decoration. “If you ever get married”, she says, her eyes fixed carefully on me, “make sure it’s lowkey.”
“I don’t even know if that’s legal”, I say. Alice is still looking at me intently. “Alright, I looked it up, it’s not legal.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about”, Alice says. “Penny Breen likes to run before she can walk.”
“I’m ticking way less”, I say.
“That’s because you haven’t got time to think about it.”
“You could be at least a little bit happy for me”, I say.
Alice puts down her scissors and comes round to the other side of the counter. “I am happy for you”, she says, rubbing my arm. “I’m sorry, Pen. Being stuck here is affecting my mood. I’m over the moon for you, I really am, I just don’t want to see you get hurt that’s all. It’s my protective nature. That and I haven’t even heard from you for a week so I feel a little bit forgotten about, which is okay of course and something I totally understand. If this situation were reversed and two sexy twins came in here to sweep me off my feet, I wouldn’t have time to send a single message to let you know I’m not dead either.”
“I’m sorry, Alice”, I say, feeling like I’ve abandoned her. “I should have let you know. Especially after what you did for me on Friday.”
“Especially after what I did for you on Friday”, Alice repeats back to me. “I’m a good wing girl.”
“The best.”
Alice smiles at me and I know she’s not really mad.
“I wasn’t dead”, I say.
“I know that now”, Alice says. “Far from it by the looks of it.”
“You want to get a coffee? Take a break from here, let me make it up to you.”
“Tell me all the juicy details?”
“If you like”, I say.
Alice looks behind her at the mountain of work still to do. “Fifteen minutes”, she says. “That ought to get you up to the first orgasm at least.”
There is a cafe right next to her shop, but it’s the kind of place where the waiting staff bring your order straight to the table, so we go to where we always go when Alice happens to be working on a Saturday and I’m not, a place where you collect both of your orders at the end of the counter, and the serving staff don’t even give you a second look, regardless of how many coffees you decide to order.
“Twins busy today then?” Alice asks when we’ve settled down into one of the reclaimed and re-upholstered chairs that make the place look much more like a second hand antique store than a coffee shop.
“We thought it would be good to have a break”, I say. “And I wanted to come and see you.”
“I’m surprised you managed to tear yourselves away from each other.”
“There’s only so often I can work from home before the rest of the staff get suspicious”, I say. “Plus, I can’t let them get it all at once, they might get complacent.”
“Lessons in love by Penny Breen”, Alice says, her hands in the air to spell out the title. “How to get yourself a sexy pair of twins and keep hold of them.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I still can’t believe it, Al”, I say, realigning the coffee cups until they are perfectly straight. “The night out, Logan giving me his number out of the blue.”
“You losing it”, she reminds me.
“I wouldn’t have got it back if I hadn’t lost my job.”
“That sounds a hell of a lot like fate to me”, Alice says. “Which is-”, she pauses for emphasis, “-evidently, a hundred percent more effective then Tinder.”
“I wonder what happened to Mike and Charlie. I still can’t believe they ditched us.”
“I know, right? At least you’ve got nothing to worry about now, I’m the one that’s lost her wing girl.”
“You haven’t lost me, I’m still your most unusual and obsessive friend.”
Alice narrows her eyes at me suspiciously, “you said you were getting better.”
“Better”, I say, “but don’t worry, I’ve still got a long way to go.”
“What are we doing tonight then? Film, drinks, finding me a sexy hunk? I’m happy for just one, and I’d settle for a single night.”
I catch Alice’s eyes and she knows I can’t even before I say it.
“Oh Penny, I thought you said you were free.”
“I said I wasn’t seeing the twins”, I say. I’m sorry Al, Mom wants to meet up.”
“Again?”
“She says she’s got something really important she wants to tell me.”
“Don’t tell me, she’s splitting up with Mr. Money Bags”, Alice says.
“I hope not, although by the sound of her voice I don’t think it’s bad news.”
“They’re moving in together”, Alice guesses. “Having a baby, getting married!?”
“Please, Mom’s already made that mistake once and she’s only just met the guy. It’ll probably be something else completely. It wouldn’t surprise me if it’s something ridiculously mundane like she’s bought a new vacuum cleaner or had the curtains laundered.”
I pause to take a sip of both of my coffees.
“Have you told her yet?” Alice asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet. I’m not entirely sure how to bring it up. I figure I’ll leave it until it’s absolutely unavoidable. No one knows but you.”
“That makes me feel important.”
“You are important”, I say.
“When do we get to go out then? I mean, I know I’ve got to share you with the Brooklyn Gods, but I want my piece of Penny Breen too, and I was here first godammit!”
“Next week, I promise”, I say.
“Without the twins”, Alice urges. “I don’t want another skull burying event.”
“Sorry for that”, I say. “I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay, up until then I thought it could have gone either way. I guess it’s just not my thing.”
I smile. “It’s totally my thing.”
“What happened with that by the way? Shadowheart. You know someone in the shop was talking about some pirate from Red Hook and his buried treasure the other
day, I couldn’t believe it.”
“People are looking”, I say. “We started the rumor, did a bunch of fake interviews, had someone find a piece of a treasure map in a thrift store. It’s amazing what people will believe if they think it’s true.”
