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I still get worried from time to time that as soon as Mom and Brandon get married, Jack and Logan are going to suddenly change the way they think about me.
“Of course it won’t. Do you think you’re suddenly going to stop feeling the way you do about Logan and Jack because your mom and their dad sign a piece of paper that says that they are committing themselves to a legal definition?”
“No”, I say, shaking my head.
“Then neither will they”, Alice says. “Your mom and their dad are getting married today, but that’s not going to change the way they feel about each other or the way you and the catwalk models feel about each other either.”
“I guess”, I say, still not entirely convinced.
“You’ll see”, Alice says confidently. “Stepsister or not, they’re still going to want to bang you after the ceremony is over, even more so in that kickass dress.”
I’m as much at home in a dress as Logan is in a suit so I’m still getting used to wearing it. The twins haven’t seen it on me yet either so I’m looking forward to giving them a twirl when I can’t hide from the swelling mass of people below us any longer.
“Do you really think it looks alright?” I ask.
Penny turns me towards her. “Are you kidding? You look incredible.”
“Thank you”, I say, my face going red. After a while we turn back to the window.
“We’re going to have to go down soon”, Alice says. “It’s almost quarter to two.”
“Have you found your future husband yet?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Husband? No. Fuck buddy? Maybe.”
“Which one?” I ask.
“Him”, Alice points. “The guy handing out the canapes.”
“Not bad”, I say, zoning in on him. “He’s got a nice smile.”
“If you can’t find me”, Alice says. “You’ll know where I’ve gone.”
“We should go down”, I say after we’ve both had time to admire our men from afar.
“Are you ready?”
“No”, I say, shaking my head.
“Good”, Alice says, “that means you know it’s real.”
I feel like Cinderella as we descend the stairwell into the huge entrance hallway and reception area, or every girl in every film about to meet her prom date. My hands are trembling way more than they should be, and my heart is pounding away in my chest at the expectation the music is going to stop suddenly, as the sound of a needle tearing across the vinyl replaces the hum of banal chatter and everyone looks up to me in barely concealed judgement to see who the hell I think I am to interrupt a party like this. As it is, and as it always is in situations like this when you think people are going to look at you, they don’t. I don’t stumble on the stairs, the music doesn’t stop abruptly and as we cross the entrance hallway and out into the garden, the only people that look do so with nothing more than a passing glance.
I smile at family members I’ve already greeted and greet those who’ve arrived while I’ve been hiding upstairs getting ready, and there is the kind of conversation between us about nothing that gets forgotten almost instantly. I’m offered a glass of champagne and then embarrass myself by chasing the waiter down to get another, before Alice takes me by the arm and guides me in a beeline to the canape guy we saw from above, who turns out to have one of those faces that looks completely different in close up. He’s not exactly ugly, but he isn’t as attractive as he looked from distance, where he perhaps stood out much more in his work uniform against the other suited guests.
“A few more glasses of this and I might”, Alice says unconvincingly, while she looks into the crowd for a replacement.
It’s not like she’s short of options either. There must be about two hundred people here, not including staff, of which at least a handful look like they might be suitable.
Of the people in the swelling mass that I recognize, there aren’t many I’d like to spend the rest of the day talking to. Mom’s weird brother and his crazy wife have turned up with their even weirder and crazier children, there are colleagues of mom’s from work all of whom seem to be high on cocaine, and there’s mom’s aunt who looks so frail like she might not even make it to the cutting of the cake.
I’m busy inventing a backstory for someone who has decided to turn up dressed entirely in electric blue when a hand on my shoulder makes me scream out loud. I can feel myself going red as four hundred eyes turn towards me.
“Wow”, Jack says, taking a step back now that he’s got my attention, in order to see me better.
“Double wow”, Logan says, standing alongside his brother.
“You scared me”, I say, giggling a little.
“You look absolutely stunning”, Logan says.
“Careful”, Alice growls, under her breath.
“Thank you”, I say meekly. “So do you two, especially you Logan.”
Logan pulls at the collar of his shirt. “This thing is killing me”, he says. “I don’t know how anyone wears one of these on a daily basis. Give me a T-shirt any day of the week.”
“Are you okay?” Jack asks.
I shrug. “I will be”, I say, holding up the glasses of champagne as an indication of my fortification.
“I’ve nervous too”, Jack says. “It’s normal.”
Logan looks from his brother across to me. “I’m just looking forward to getting the boring stuff out of the way so we can get onto the good stuff and I can get out of this suit”, he says.
“You look good, Logan”, I say. “I might make you wear one of those more often.”
“This is the guy the wears the suits”, he says, his thumb towards his brother. “I’m the guy that feels overdressed in jeans and t-shirt.”
I see Brandon clock us and come over. “You look beautiful, Penny”, he says. “You too, Alice. You make these boys look very ordinary indeed.”
“Speak for yourself”, Logan says, his chest thrust out comically.
“It’s coming up to two”, Brandon goes on. “I’m going to get everyone sat down just so you know. Katie is bound to be fashionably late, but we might as well get everyone in place just in case. You guys are all right up at the front, Alice too.”
When Brandon has moved onto the next group, I close the short distance between me and the boys, stand between them with my arms looped in theirs, lean over and give them both a kiss on the cheek.
Logan gives me a look like he wants more. “That’s all you’re getting”, I say, too quietly for anyone else to hear it. “At least until we’re definitely alone.”
Alice joins us all at Logan’s right hand side, and together we walk as a group towards the area where the ceremony will take place. We pass through a section of the landscaped gardens edged by wild flowers that lead us towards a wooden trellis walkway covered with fruit trees and out into a secret walled garden where a borderline of bushes have been cut into the shapes of hearts. The whole area has been adorned with wreaths of flowers that Alice’s team have spent hours putting together under her careful guidance, bamboo candles thick with flames, sculptures that look like thy’ve been flown in from italy, works of art that could undoubtedly be originals, and everything else in between.
There is a music section, a bar section, a food section, (just in case a simple ceremony wasn’t enough), several more staff members distributed along the aisle to direct us all to the correct side or pass out sachets of confetti to throw over the married couple, and row after row of designer wooden chairs pointing towards a raised stage where the official ceremony is set to take place. The venue itself is incredible, but this area is definitely the jewel in the crown, and as much as everything else has surprised me, this completely blows me away.
We make our way to the front, just about enough space in the aisle to fit us all in, a mixture of different glances coming our way from those who’ve already arrived early to take their place, and even though Alice is with us too, I can’t help imagining this is my own ceremony I’m about to attend.
