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“Dad?”
Like I say, he can’t go two minutes without needing some kind of attention. I guess it’s that ego he has to feed.
“We’ll have lunch when we get back home.”
“We have to wait until we get back home? Didn’t you bring any chocolate or anything?”
“No.”
“That’s not very survivalist, is it?”
“You’ll have to catch and kill a duck.”
“I can’t believe we didn’t bring any chocolate.”
We stop for a moment while Marvin points out some exotic species of bird in the air, which Landon and I can’t see because we don’t have binoculars. We all have to wait patiently until Marvin confirms it’s flown over, and all I see are wisps of cloud and hazy lines choked by too much sun. When Marvin has jotted it down in the notebook he carries around his neck, we get going again.
“Mom, since when have you been into birding?”
“Oh, you know, I’ve always dabbled.”
Mom has never dabbled. I doubt she even knows the difference between a goose and a swan, she’s here because Marvin is. I let it go. The last thing I want to do is break her illusion. If she’s happy because he is, that’s fine by me. It’s not my thing, but he’s not my husband either.
“So, Tilly, got a boyfriend?”
Now? He chooses this moment to ask me whether I’ve got a boyfriend.
“Had.”
What the fuck? “Mom!”
“You did have.”
“That question wasn’t for you though, was it?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-. It’s the same answer though isn’t it?”
“Warbler”, Marvin says quickly and stops so abruptly that I crash into Mom and Landon stumbles into the back of me.
“Jesus Christ.”
Again we wait patiently for the bird to fly over and Marvin to jot it down in his notebook.
“What happened?”
“What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened. We split up, that’s it.”
“What did he dump you for?”
This time I’m the one who stops sharply. Landon is smiling when I turn around to him.
“Come on, anyone who says ‘we split up’ really means they got dumped.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Come on, I was just making conversation.”
“Well make it about something else.”
“If it still hurts, maybe you’re not over it properly, and if you’re not over it properly, maybe that’s why you haven’t moved on.”
The Donkey giving me relationship advice? This is rich. If he wasn’t so annoying he might be quite amusing.
“I haven’t moved on because I-. Look, like I say, it’s none of your business.”
“Just trying to be helpful, Sis.”
That’s the last thing he’s trying to be and he knows it.
“Don’t call me Sis.”
“Ok, Tilly, I’m just trying to be helpful. I’m just trying to be helpful, Rachel. Tilly’s a good looking girl, I’m surprised she isn’t attached.”
Landon has a huge shit eating grin on his face when I turn to look at him.
“You’re not the only one. If Tilly found herself a man I’d be over the moon for her.”
“I am right here, you know?”
“What kind of guys do you like, Tilly?”
Alpha-male underwear models? All star athletes? Step brothers? Hmmm, let me think.
“What do you care what type of man I like?”
“Well, you know, I figure we’ve got a week here, we might as well sort out each other’s problems.”
“Problems? I’m not exactly number one in that list, Landon. Maybe we should start with you first.”
“Please do”, Marvin says.
“I hate to break it to you all, but I’m absolutely, one hundred percent problem free. The only problem I’ve got is how to keep myself entertained without going mad for the next six days.”
“You do realize that statement is contradictory.”
“Keeping someone like me caged up is contradictory. That’s like putting a tiger in a zoo.”
Landon Maddox things he’s a tiger. He’s even more delusional than I thought.
“One, you are arrogant.”
“No I’m not.”
“Two, you think the world shines out of your ass.”
“Ok, I do, but not without good reason.”
“Three, you’re attention seeking.”
I can see Marvin nodding even though Landon might not be able to.
“Wait, are these supposed to be negative things?”
I hang my head at the end of a long sigh. It’s like he just doesn’t see it. Either that, or he doesn’t want to admit it.
“Mom, what do you think?”
“I think you two are getting along much better than I could have hoped.”
Ok, Mom is just as delusional. It must be some kind of condition brought on by being in love.
“Marvin?”
Please tell me you agree with me, Marvin. Your son needs an attitude adjustment.
“I’ve been telling him the same for years, but it goes in one ear and out the other. He’s not going to change, Tilly, no matter how much we want him to. Landon is Landon. Far too talented for his own good.”
Talented is not the way I would have described it.
“Alright, my turn.”
“This ought to be good.”
“You let people walk all over you, which is probably why you were dumped.”
I bite my tongue.
“You don’t think highly enough of yourself, which is probably why you look so pissed off all the time.”
This time I can see Mom nodding. I want to believe she’s nodding at another conversation, or just nodding at random, but I know she’s not.
“You’re in denial.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Tilly, language.”
“I think you know what it means. Your problem, Tilly, is that you’re afraid of what people think of you, so you change the way you behave so you can’t get hurt. You think I’m looking for approval all the time, it’s the other way round.”
“That’s your impression after, what, twenty four hours of knowing me?”
Landon shrugs his shoulders. “I’m good at first impressions.”
“You’re wrong at first impressions.”
“Whatever. You’re the one who’s come here with some kind of ax to grind. I came here to meet my new sister, not tell her how much of a bad person she is.”
