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Thirty five minutes passes before Landon joins me on the decking. I’ve been waiting for him, although I didn’t expect him to take this long. I’m a little relieved he’s decided to come out at all, because there was a moment when I thought he’d given up on me completely. I know I’m taking a risk in playing this the way I am, but I’m not stupid, and nor am I prepared to let Landon treat me that way. I know half of the stories I read about him will be exaggerated, but I know what I’m like too. I’ve had my heart broken once, and if I’m going to let myself go again, I have to make damn sure that Landon isn’t going to disappear on me as soon as he’s got what he wants. Even if that means risking holding out on him, or not having sex with him again at all. If it’s going to end at all, I’d much rather it end now, before I’m in too deep. Alright, we’ve only known each other for three days, but I’ve known about him for a lot longer than that. If one of us is taking a risk here, it’s clearly me. This is serious for me, fun obviously, but not throwaway, and I have to make sure he understands that. If he wants me, he has to show he’s willing to commit to me, whatever that means in the context of what is possible for us. What it means for me is that if we are going to fuck each other again, we have to be aware that we are entering into the possibility of some kind of deeper or stronger connection and we have to be conscious of the consequences of that. People fuck each other all the time and it means nothing, but when Landon fucked me just now, I felt the world move, and I knew I would. I don’t want that to mean nothing. I didn’t come here looking for
a relationship, and I’m not even sure I want one with Landon, but I want to know that the possibility exists if we continue doing what we’re doing.
I was hoping I’d hate him, but I was wrong. The trouble is, I have a feeling I love him, or at least I have the potential to love him, which is a ridiculous thing to say considering we’ve spent four days with each other, and a dangerous thing to admit to, either internally or to anyone else. If that really is the case, I have to tread carefully, and play this right.
Landon is part of the family now, which means any potential sexual relationship between us has its complications, but isn’t impossible. There are difficulties that will need to be worked around, thought about, put in place when the moment arises and arguably, he stands to lose more than I do if that were ever on the cards, which might lead to a lot more reluctance to engage in one.
We can do nothing but address each issue as the time comes, and the issue I need to address right now is how Landon and I can fuck each other again, without me demonstrating that I need him, without feeling like I’m falling in love with him, and, most importantly, without falling that little bit too far to make the journey back heart breaking, if I have to take it.
“You took your time.”
Landon does not look impressed, but I get the feeling he’s putting it on. He’s still looking at me, even though he’s pretending not to.
“Thought I’d let you have a bit of alone time first so you could gather your thoughts.”
“How considerate.”
“I told you, I’m always thinking about others.”
“I needed you to put my sunscreen on.”
“Well why didn’t you come back in and say?”
I hold the bottle out to him, which makes it harder for him to refuse, and sort of ignore his question at the same time.
“I can’t reach my back, and seeing as you’re already acquainted with it.”
Landon comes over and takes the bottle. I can see he feels obliged and doesn’t like it one bit. When he sits down on the edge of the lounger I feel my tummy squirm. He may have softened a little bit, but he’s still thicker than most and so obvious in the shorts he’s wearing. I feel horny knowing he’s about to put his hands on me, especially because neither one of us will know what it might lead to. On one hand I’m just asking him to apply a bit of sunscreen, on the other, I’m as horny as hell and desperate to have him fuck me again, but super keen not to show it. The sexual tension is driving me crazy, but I love it. I love knowing that Landon wants me and I love holding the cards and deciding if and when he gets it.
I spin over so he can get to my back, making sure my summer dress is loose at the top so he can slide his hands right in under the fabric.
“You might have to take your dress off again if you want me to do it properly.”
Landon lifts my hair up and sets it to one side, before running his hands out across my shoulder blades, up to my neck and then down a little further, under my dress and towards my bum as far as he can reach.
“I don’t want to get lotion all over the fabric.”
“Just don’t go that low.”
“You don’t want an all over tan?”
His hands on me feel incredible, and I knew they would.
“You think it would suit me?”
“I think taking your dress off would suit you.”
“I think taking my dress off would suit you.”
“I think it would suit us both.”
Landon pauses to put more sunscreen in his palm, which he works around the left side of my back.
“I wouldn’t want to overdo it.”
“I don’t think there’s any chance of that.”
He moves from my back to my arms, massaging my upper arm and interlocking his fingers into mine to push my palms back. It feels great, and embarrassingly, I can’t help but moan a little.
“Where did you learn to do that?”
“I’m not just your average football jock.”
“I know that already. You’re an average underwear model too.”
“You want me to do your legs?”
“Are you asking for permission?”
“I thought I better had.”
“Just in case I refuse?”
“You know you’re turning me on.”
“Do all simple actions turn you on, Landon?”
“They might do with you.”
